February 21, 2010 3:13 AM GMT
Nathan, welcome to TW.
The problems you face are easy to deal with, but the results may not be. I am familiar with such mid-west communities and understand the social closeness/pressures of being unconventional there. You are going to have to decide what it is you want and what price you are willing to pay for it. Balance your needs. Job transition is still a difficult area. You may find you do better in a different environment. You may indeed lose friends and family. You may not. The only thing my mother did differently was give me some female clothes. My brother turned out to be moderately Queer-phobic, which I never expected. I've lost no "friends" yet, but I expect to when I come "Out" to them. You have to be mentally and emotionally prepared for the consequences of your actions. Your degree of being transgender and your ability to cope with these consequences will determine what course you should take. Take time to make your decisions. You cannot put the Genie back in the bottle once it's out. I started to come out when I decided it was more important to me than losing people from my life, if they so chose. In retrospect, it took my closest, male friend over two years to notice I had pierced ears and wore studs. You can guess, but you just do not know how people will react. Watch and listen.
For clothing, try thrift shops where you are not recognized to keep your "stealthy" status. That and Internet stores...just make sure you have your measurements ( which may match three "sizes") to choose sizes. Shoes are the same. Payless Shoe source gives inch measurements of male and female shoes allowing you to compare your male and female sizes for THEIR shoes.
What to call yourself? I get confused on that one. I hardly ever use my birth name. I use initials or a nickname.
Read, listen, chat, learn. They will all help you find your individual path to the real you.