What ever happened to "The Waltons"?
I don't know.
You probably don't know either.
What's it all about Alfie?
Well anyway, loads of kisses to all my sisters (try saying that when you're drunk!)

Hi Michelle,

I enjoy your articles, they are thought provoking, and I always read them.

Your latest article “Space Oddity” annoyed me because it hit close to home. As a crossdresser, I found your descriptions irritating, antagonistic, and accurate, yeah like the old saying “hey, I resemble that remark”. But in the defense of cross-dressers I will say this:

As much as I would love to walk down the street and be totally ignored, it won’t be happening anytime soon. I may be able to pick out a nice outfit and do decent with my makeup, but I will never be mistaken for a woman. Do you know why? Because I don’t have a supportive spouse, since I’m not full time I don’t have enough practice, nor do I have the anonymity to get that practice.

The point being you can’t become a ‘woman’ instantly, not even over night. It takes years of practice to get it right. Nurturing, support groups, and time. Just like adolescent girls a crossdresser has to experiment and make mistakes – lots of mistakes – to get being a woman down pat. Unlike an adolescent girl, we don’t have the luxury of doing it every day, of having a support group of peers, the guidance of older women – like moms, nor the leniency of society to let us get away with looking different.

All of this conspires to make many crossdressers become stuck in an extended adolescence, just because we don’t get all the needed opportunities to move beyond that. So yes Michelle we do spend a lot of time talking about our clothes, makeup, and shoes – just like adolescent girls everywhere. Our journey may be long and interrupted and bumpy (aren’t they all) but it doesn’t diminish our value nor make us less than others, we are who and what we are.

I hope that someday we all will get the chance to be grownup women like you.

Hugs Jeri

PS Michelle, please don't take this as a rant, I don't mean it that way.

Jeri:

While preferring not to comment on the article in question, I would just like to pick up on one comment you made - you say that you'll 'never be mistaken for a woman'. Having read your contributions to these fora, I can confidently say that you'll always be taken for a lady, and that there'll be no mistake involved.

Hugs,

Judith.

I guess I need to differ Jeri, as if that is anything new. I thought Michelle's column was right on the money. I'm glad she said it and not me because I get tired of getting bashed by Rebecca R. I've always said there are differences between those under the transgender umbrella, not that one is better than the other, just different. I think Michelle Hart tried to make that same point. I also believe she was trying to point out if you want to be treated as a lady, then you need to act like one and behaviors often characteristic of crossdressers give you away every time. I don't think she said anywhere in her column that CD's are bad people for doing what they do, just that they shouldn't expect to be taken as women.
Hugs,
Marsha

Regardless what your status may or may not be, it depends how comfortable a person is within their own femininity and how they translate their self-acceptance publicly.

The concepts of womanhood and femininity are like snow flakes. Even some women are uncomfortable with stereotypical definitions. Some aspire to be Ladies, some are tramps, and some are tomboys. All with a range of color and texture between. Others even desire to become FtoM..

Sure, I’ve been to TG groups where CDs sit around discussing old war stories with each other - their ankle resting on their knee or legs spread while seated. Or, they wear too much make-up and inappropriate clothing for the occasion. They move across the room without any grace as though they’re headed to the ‘fridge for another beer. Many CDs are too uncomfortable or inexperienced to express their inner feelings. These are the types I consider truly “men in dresses or frocks”. Their discomfort is apparent. They probably dress for public occasions infrequently as they awkwardly display their ‘ideal’ of a woman. Others are just out for fun and need to get drunk to lose their inhibitions.

I’ve also seen many TS’s that make me shake my head in wonder, as though having breasts and hair gives them an automatic elitist passport to womanhood. They cop an attitude and display a level of narcissism that is also unbecoming, and then they cynically wonder why they aren’t accepted by society. The personality of these TS’s wouldn’t be attractive regardless of gender. I, as well as other people may consider them “men in dresses or frocks" as well.

On the other hand, many, many CDs that I’ve known are very comfortable and in tune with their femininity and are more ‘passable’ than many TS’s. I’ve known.

If taken seriously, generalizations can be hurtful - regardless of status.

Jennifer

Melody, I think you missed the whole point of Michelle's column. All I had said was we are different, not that one is better than the other, just different. Jennifer appears to have read it just as I did, it is all about being comfortable with who you are. Michelle talked about TS's that were more butch or tomboyish than feminine, but you still were left with the impression they were all woman. So no it is not about the clothes one wears, it is the whole picture the observer sees.

As for stereotyping, I don't see it that way. I see it more as some were described as matching the "Jerry Springer" stereotype we are often characterized with. If the shoe fits, wear it. Once again I'm not saying these are bad people and for the one I know personally, I want you to know that I am one of the few who associate with her at church. I do not avoid her, I have called her a sweet person, therefore I don't like anyone insinuating that I don't like people like her. Got it!

Melody, you seem to like the word ladylike. I think you need to understand each of us has our own definition of the word. Michelle tried to say some gal's idea of ladylike is really a guy's idea of what a lady should be like. Once again we are all different, not to say one is better than the other.

I like Jennifer's last statement "If taken seriously, generalizations can be hurtful - regardless of status." Unfortunately we each get out of a story what we want. If we look for hatred, we find it. Putting anything you read here into its proper context is difficult at best. Chances are if you met me in person you would say I'm nothing like what comes across here. I tend to be an activist "to" our community rather than for our community. Some believe through laws we can make society accept us. I believe we need to give society a good reason to accept us and that is the kind of woman I try to live my life as. I believe my way is right for me, I cannot answer whether it is right for anyone else because we are all different. Not to say one is better than the other.

Hugs,
Marsha

Melody, your post probably wouldn't have garnished a response from me if it wasn't for your last paragraph. I feel you tend to see that TS's like Michelle and I believe we are above all others when the reality of it is we just express how we are different, not better. Maybe because of the confidence Michelle expresses or even I often do, our remarks are taken as being the only way. That is never my intention and I don't believe it is Michelle's either. You felt you needed to point out there were no qualifiers "like "some" or even "many" CD/TVs act that way." You failed to include it also did not say ALL or EVERY. The bottomline is you somehow don't think we respect CD/TVs. That is why I repeated myself several times in response to your first post, "Once again we are all different, not to say one is better than the other." And that is also why I brought up my friend from church who you first mentioned. With all the crazy stuff she wears and does, I still associate with her. I do have respect for all TGs and I don't like it when anyone suggests that I don't.
Hugs,
Marsha

I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to knock over a can of worms. I fully understand what Michelle meant and truly take no personal offense.

Yes, I was irritated and had my hackles up a bit, but only because I saw myself in the descriptions. When I read the parts about wanting to be a lady while also doing un-lady like activities, I saw many of my own actions. What I was attempting to point out – unsuccessfully it seems – is that many times, the faux pas and blunders I and others have made are simply from lack of practice. I used adolescent girls as an example because I see some of them displaying many of the same attributes – makeup done with a trowel, enough mascara and eyeliner to reduce the eyes to tunnels, dress bordering on the obscene, and a total lack of awareness of the image they are projecting – that some crossdressers (and others) display. The commonality is that we both lack the experience to make the instant leap to womanhood, however, girls get several years of fulltime practice to make that transition, most CD’s take just as much time but it isn’t contiguous, our time is in dribbles and dabs, a minute here and hour there. So in essence, we have a very prolonged adolescence. So please forgive me if I appear dressed inappropriately, give me time I’ll make it – better yet give me advice and help.

Everyone’s responses are valid and contain truth, I think we all see the same thing but when describing it using our personal perspectives not all that we know and feel get received by the other person. Words can be blunt objects of black and white when we are trying to describe feelings that blend together with hues of pink and blue.

Marsha, I agree with much of what you say. I value your opinions; your experiences are different from mine so you see things I don’t, this might give the impression of a clash but I don’t see it that way. We are all somewhere along the same continuum, but none in the exactly the same place.

Hugs Jeri

Jeri,

I think if we just let our inner femininity flow freely and present the true nature of the woman within – whatever type we may truly be, we can all pass and be accepted - regardless of gender status. The exterior façade including clothes and make-up can easily be learned. Your photo displays much feminine poise - perhaps you are too hard on yourself.

Hugs and thanks Jeri. I prefer the word confidence over experience but the two really go hand in hand. It is amazing how my life has changed over the last five years going from finding every opportune time to dress and now having it become routine. Maybe it is that routine that complicates things between people like Melody and myself. My everyday routine now is rather boring although I look forward to wearing nicer outfits to church or evening social events I now attend. But the point I was trying to make was it is just different. The feeling of living your life is hard to convey to others. Others see you, but they don't see what's going on in your mind. We both put makeup and clothes on, but really for different reasons. Yes there is some overlap and that is what allows us to be friends. Like I keep saying, we are different, but that does not mean one is better than the other, just different.
Hugs,
Marsha

Marsha,

If you could put your feelings into words, I'd really love to hear how you feel different now compared to your pre-transition days. Not necessarily how you feel others relate to you, but inside yourself.

Your experiences and feelings would be helpful for those of us either contemplating a transition, or attempting empathy.

Jennifer

Thanks Jennifer. That will take a lot of deep thinking so I don't know how soon I could put an adequate reply up. Please keep reminding me and I will work on it because just talking about the change here has made me look at myself in a way that I really hadn't looked at before. Meanwhile I think we often say we are the same person we always were, but now I see that as being only to a small extent. I am now more outgoing, far more confident, always been opinionated but I think with the confidence I am now more likely to express my views, and I am definitely at peace with who I am. I have always believed I am a good person, so it does hurt when others say or insinuate that I am not. I do cry easily and often.

I think transition is a period that you grow, sure physically, but more as a person. Because of family, work, and other things, each of us has a different transition. Before I began to transition 5 years ago a huge part of my life was escaping. Even with a wife and 4 kids I had to have my time and a lot of it. I just needed to be alone. Basically I was shy and avoided everyone. I had self confidence in most things I did, but I lacked self confidence when dealing with people. I even hated going to the mall or anywhere with lots of people. I have ADHD so I can't sit down and read a novel or remember movie names or song lyrics so that has always bothered me because I know most people get lots of enjoyment from those things. My learning has always been interactive. I've always been emotional and cried freely. So I guess from all that you probably can tell I was pretty introverted.

I suppose that is a good start. Is that sort of what you were looking for?

Hugs,
Marsha

Marsha,
That’s an excellent start and I can relate to much of it. I’m an outgoing energetic person and consider myself honest. However because of my duality, I haven’t been able to freely express myself among family, friends and co-workers. Therefore, because of my inhibitions – I’m sure I seem somewhat detached and introverted and somewhat a mystery to those I wish to be closer with.

I’ve learned to deal with loneliness by spending my time alone productively, but I’m not a loner by true nature. It would release a huge burden if I were able to freely express myself and share my feelings. I like to think I know exactly how I'd feel, think and act, because I've come to know myself through being in touch with my female side for much of my whole life, but I obviously don't know for sure how I might be changed. I know I'll be more at peace with the honesty.

I grew up in a more repressive time, and feelings of rejection are very real for me. Expressing this level of truth is like the genie that can’t go back in her bottle once released. However, I feel if I were able to merge my personalities, those that know me well would finally understand and like me more as a total person – free of mystery.

However, I’m also still curious how the changes may have affected you internally as a person. Aside from physical changes has it affected you mentally and emotionally? I know it’s a tough answer to communicate – but if you could consider the question and offer a reply at a later date, I would surely appreciate your input.

In keeping with the intent of the original post, I suppose I'm interested in your impression of the internal difference between Marsha the TS and Marsha the CD.

You are very fortunate to have an understanding wife and family. All the best!

Thanks,
Jennifer

Gee, I just realized I'm now a Baroness and I don't know what they even are...I'll have to look it up.

Jennifer, it has been pointed out on a number of occasions that I get some pretty good mood swings. I think before transition I probably had those moments that I would snap at someone, more than likely the kids not doing what they should. I would have to say transitioning accentuated my mood swings, I can go from being pretty mellow to biting someones head off in a split second. Another example would be I could be having a great day, everything is going right, then I get that phone message about a customer not renewing or the kid's car broke down and have that send me into tears. I hope you understand what I'm trying to say, I don't necessarily have more mood swings, but instead the span they cover is greater. Before I probably was in a bad mood already when something came along and upset me more, now I can go from happy to upset in moments. That might also come across in the tone I sometimes use here in forum responses.

I will keep working on answers for you.

Hugs,
Marsha

Thanks Lucy, you have a way of bringing things back into focus when opposing views drift other directions. I think what Michelle said is fairly accurate but it can be debated whether or not it needed to be said or what her motivation really was. I would like to point out my first post said I'm glad it was her and not me that said it. But like you said, sweeping statements are made against TSs as if we look down upon CDs, when nothing could be further from the truth. We are different, not better, seems simple to me. I do try to judge people only on their character.
Hugs,
Marsha

Where does one find this Michelle Hart column and do I realy need to read it, a link please. Or can I just glean from the reaction from Lucy that it is the same old 'I am better than you twaddle' Crissie seems to sum up how I feel, stop trying to be perfect and competative, you miss out on so much, let your hair down get pissed and enjoy. Just because your knickers have more frills than my knickers that does not make you more of a woman than me. I am a pre op, for my own reasons, nothing to do with anyone else, Anyone else tells me I am less of a woman for that is talking rubbish. We cannot all aspire to looking like the perfect woman physically. If thats how we are judged I am sure my tits are bigger than this Michelle Hart..

CSW

It's located on the TW Homepage, hidden right on the top of the article list. http://gendersociety.com/[...]2836273

I really find it amusing how many gals have taken this personally, I think it says a lot about the article if there are gals that can identify with parts of what was said.

Why is everyone other than Joni Marie ignoring the astronauts and space part of the article, and Joni is only laughing at it. It clearly states what this entire article is about.

"Both of these accomplishments are a stunning testament to what can be done if you really want to get somewhere or do something."

She is talking to those who strive to be a woman but currently are missing the mark. Maybe the whole problem here is those who have no intention blending in think this article is about them and it is not. For those new to Michelle's style of story telling it is understandable on first reading they could misinterpret the points she tries to convey, but if you let the steam settle then you can see the real story.

And Cris, Michelle made it very clear at the end why she referred to stuff that she did not say.

"Being a woman or feminine isn't about the clothes, the makeup, or even how you look ladies... It never was."

Once again we are all different and this article does not apply to everyone or even every CD. Before you blowup, before you jump on the band wagon to criticize something, ask yourself this, what point was the author trying to convey. I truly believe many missed the point of this article.

Hugs,
Marsha

I can agree with a little of what everyone has to say on this thread. I love Michelle's columns, generally speaking. I didn't think this was one of her better ones, mainly because for me personally, it didn't "talk to me" the way most of her columns do. Michelle has a way of writing that for me, has the feel of sitting with her over coffee, as if we were good friends, and I had asked her for her thoughts on something that had been heavy on my mind. This column seemed more distant somehow.

The first time I skimmed over the article, I read this as an effort “to chronicle the adventures of life from a woman's perspective” as stated. I assumed it was literally an article written by a genetically born woman sharing her perspective on TG culture – a perspective that I respect and has always intrigued me. Upon returning to the article in greater detail, I realize now this is not the case.

The author spends much of her time explaining “from her perspective” what a woman isn’t, and briefly states a woman’s beauty IS all about “charm, attitude and vibrancy”. I do sense an ‘attitude’ and she’s possibly a ‘vibrant’ person and fun to know, but where’s the “charm”? I’m very, very happy for her that she can ‘pass’ and blend into society so well and feels proud of herself, but I suppose - however interesting - it’s just another TS hit piece on CDs. In return, I hope she continues to enjoy her happy life, prospers, and progresses to grow and learn.

As all would agree, femininity has many shapes, sizes, colors and forms etc... Whether CD or TS - a TG’s “passability” or “womanly beauty” begins to be achieved when one is comfortably in tune with their own brand of femininity and allows her energy to flow without inhibition..

I recall times in my youth and teenage years when I was often mistaken as a girl even though I was in male attire and not even attempting to ‘pass’ – I was just comfortable being myself. I assumed it would be easy for me to take that next step. To my surprise, when I started going out dressed in women’s clothing and wearing make-up - I was “read” all the time. I was nervous, uncomfortable and self-conscious with thoughts of what other people might be thinking of me. It took a while with the help of supportive GG’s and other TG’s to teach and help me feel comfortable with my feminine feelings enough to let them freely flow. I also learned to properly present myself appropriately, move, and relate to people. For me, it’s a continuing learning process as I encounter various stages of womanhood – in my own way - as I age through life. In return, I attempt to help other TG’s that may be less experienced with their development and seek Positive advise. Life is a learning process for genetically born woman as well.

I also believe an appreciation and understanding of clothes, make-up and feminine accessories DO play a large role in creating an appropriate image. Besides, it’s a lot of fun and enjoyable – and that’s the important part that seems to be forgotten. FUN.

I respect and admire women very much, and present myself in a manner that I hope does them proud justice – even though I’m just a lowly CD.


Jennifer

I don't want to stick my foot in my mouth again, which I seem to have done all day today... but can we just drop all the labels period and go with respect...

Hugs all,

Michelle

P.S. My apologies to anyone whom I might have put off today by any post or what not... Just been having a case of foot to mouth disease.

Thank you Wendy,
There have been a few ladies here that I admire that get it.
All this labeling, just leaves one senseless. Either its by nationality, religion, gender tied to all the superlative derogatory labels. As well intended as it maybe, or may not, that is the nature of man kind, to self destruct. For myself, I prefer "none of the above", let people judge me for the person that I am.
Tammy

No offense, but isn't TW also a support site where people come to look for information on how to improve themselves. Maybe a piece of information such as how to dress could be insulting to one person, but another can read the same thing and say wow, that's where I'm going wrong. Many of you are doing the same thing you are accusing others of doing, telling others how to think.

What complicates things here at TW is that it is also a social site. Unlike a support site that might tell you what you don't want to hear, a social site has expectations that you won't say anything to upset others. The U.S. government did not function until Dolly Madison, wife of President Madison, started doing regular socials at what became the White House. Prior to that the Federalist and Democrat/Republicans would only literally fight and disagree in Congress. The socials allowed them to put down their weapons and mingle. In that mingling they were able to reach compromises. When they went back to congress, they would get back to fighting, however things now got done.

If TW is to remain a support site there needs to be room for the members to voice their differences.

Hugs,
Marsha

Geez Cris, you are smarter than that. My point had nothing to do with clothes or Michelle Hart's column in particular. It was about is this really a support site? With a support site you need to expect things to be said that some may not want to hear. And because TW covers such a broad spectrum of TG's there are going to be things said that don't apply to others. The problem here is there are some here that take everything personal including stuff that does not apply to them.

For those that insist on being literalists, go read the Bible and purge!

And Karen, if that is all you got from the column, then I ask, which are you?

It is no wonder so many transsexuals leave the TG community when they have to put up with this same ole garbage. We are accused of saying we are better in some way than CD/TV's. If anything, TS's have done more to point out that we are just different, not better. If TW is a support site then it should be acceptable to discuss TS related things that don't pertain to CD's. And if CD's want to talk about their stuff, that is fine. But don't leave it open ended talking about your hooker outfits and how society should accept you, because I am part of society and I just may reply.

TW is quickly becoming another one of those has-been sites. If you go into the chatroom you can either watch others in their PM's or watch youtube music videos. We can no longer discuss TG related topics in the forums because it might hurt some idiots feelings. And yes, if your feelings are hurt by anything that is said in a forum thread, you're an idiot. At the rate things are going it won't matter what the name change is because the search engines and web advertisers will see this site for what it is, just another tranny site. Besides this thread, it is pretty sad when the top forum threads are about the most beautiful music ever and jokes about procrastination. Makes for one helluva transgender support site. Maybe support should be dropped from the name...[edited]

Marsha

Gee, sorry Marsha, but I got a lot of nice suggestions and learned of some new artists from that music thread

I'm still sincerely interested to hear how Marsha the TS feels different inside than Marsha the CD. Perhaps you could start a new thread? This thread seems to have run into a dead end and you could shed some new light on the subject from a new perspective...or if you already have, perhaps you could share the link?

Hope I didn't hurt your feelings somehow.
Jennifer

"I yam who I yam"
Well if I had my choice I'd rather be Olive.

I'm sorry I vented so strongly Jennifer, but it just seems like nothing can be said without somebody taking it wrong. Maybe that is why we get stuck with music videos in chat and in forum threads. BTW, I am in noway against those things, I would just like to see threads on TG issues not get twisted into anti CD threads every single time one comes up because someone can't seem to get the point. Maybe they weren't meant to get the point and instead of bitching and whining they should just stay out of that thread if it doesn't pertain to them. So now because of the bitching and moaning, we can't talk about anything TG because someone will see it as an us them thing.

I should point out that Eileen and I rarely see eye to eye. However, she pointed out that since she started coming here in 2001 that this type of thing comes up on a regular basis. Hmm, could there be a reason. I think the whole problem is there are those that don't want to accept the fact that there are differences and others that think we can just hug and pretend to get along. The whole point I have been trying to make all along is what good is this site if TS's can't talk about their issues, and likewise, what good is it for CD/TV's if they can't talk about their particular ideas. And most importantly, each understands that SOME of their issues are different. What is so hard about that to understand?

Michelle Hart's column was not a me/you article. In my opinion she said being a woman has more to do with your state of mind and how you interact with others, not the articles of clothing you wear. So what if she uses herself as an example, someone had to be the example and it could have been me or even Eileen who believes we should not act like men. And just because someone might fit into the hooker look that Michelle describes, it is not the end of the world. Maybe that person could care less about being taken as a woman. But most important and what obviously went over everyone's head is the fact that it is your interactions with others that defines you as a woman. So I ask, how does that make this a me/you article?

And Karen, for the "Why am I here?" Simple. I credit Trannyweb for saving my life during a desperate time for me. It is because of the people and information here that I am now living the successful life I do. Why I still come? To be here for the next Marsha that comes along.

Marsha

You do tend to go on a bit sis.

Marsha stated: "I think the whole problem is there are those that don't want to accept the fact that there are differences"


Marsha,
Then please (as previously requested) provide the positive information - from your perspective - how you feel those differences personally. Your insight would be helpful for those considering a transition, or seek to empathise. I doesn't need to be us vs. them or which is better - just your thoughtful personal analysis. Perhaps that understanding may help future communication?

A new thread relating the evolution of Marsha from CD to TS would be fascinating and provide the level of support for others you describe as needed in a TG forum and also the level understanding you seek...I think.

Jennifer

You do tend to go on a bit sisi.

Hugs Janis. Compared to my dear friend Ann Teve who happened to be the first person who pm'd me in the chatroom on my first visit to TW and let me know I was not alone on my journey, my posts are mere sentences.

Jennifer, because you insist, I am going to start a thread titled "The evolution of Marsha"

Hugs,
Marsha

I didn't insist.

I respectfully requested your Positive input an effort to move beyond - toward a better comprehension for all. Because this seems to be a topic that's caused unnecessary misunderstanding and division - especially within a Forum designed to discuss such issues. Perhaps it will be helpful for you as well.

Oh you are awful!
But I like you!

Cristine,
I'm not really sure (or maybe I am) about this procastiation thingy.
Anyway whatever, something , something, love the pic with bikini top

What!
Who said that?
Well anyway to get back the previous subject.
What?

Eileen, I sincerely apologize for quoting you, but it just truly seemed to help make my point. I don't think that was your intention but such is life. I hope your life as a fulltime transsexual is going well. Best wishes always.
Hugs,
Marsha

I did that Eileen simply to cause you to show your real self. You no longer identify as TG, transsexual, yet feel the TG community should hear what you have to say. Besides the argument about what Michelle Hart's article was really about, this thread has been about the fact that although we have differences we are the same. You have chosen to exclude yourself from our community.

You call yourself a woman and voice your opinion that we all need to be like you. Think about that for a moment, isn't that what caused the argument here in the first place?

BTW, how did your last PSA lab test go?

Hugs,
Marsha

Would it not be possible to argue personal differences with Eileen by PM

Hugs

And of course "Little house on the prairie" .
Buckets and buckets of tears shed.

A few weeks ago Katie sent me a note in regard to the obvious impact my recent column has had. Based on the numerous responses and both the positive and negative comments I felt it would be an interesting thing if the actual author of "Space Oddity" made a comment or three.

Regardless of weather each of you agree or disagree I would like each of you to know that I truly appreciate the time you took to read my column.

For those of you who are my regualar readers, all of my articles can be found in order of original publication here: http://articles.urnotalone.com/?category=32

Initially I thought about individually replying to each person and then felt it would be much better to just focus on the actual topic.

Now for the fireworks:

As a syndicated author I expect critical review, honestly I apreciate it. In some ways moreso than the compliments. Many just send me little notes, some create whole discusions like this forum posting.

A good story calls people to action, it motivates people to become involved in the issues. This article has done that in spades! Some have called it "twaddle", "boring", "uninteresting" but completely failed to notice that it brought each of you INTO the discussion, it COMPELLED you to act and be a contributing member of OUR comunity.

As I read and reread each comment, each insult, each compliment, and each summation of thoughts I was deeply impressed by that one simple thing. I can only pray I wasn't the only one who noticed. Sadly it sure looks like it...

Another thing I also found was how visceral a response each camp had to what I wrote. My long time readers are perhaps more familiar with my writing style than the casual observer, that could be just be a massive failure on my part to convey my perspective well enough though.

Was I critical of crosdressers?.... Yes!
Was I critical of Transexuals?..... Yes!
Was I critical of Natal women?..... Yes!
Was I critical of myself?.......... Yes!

Anyone who reads my column often will see just how critical, how scornful I am of my own behavior, my own image, and how incredibly complimentary I am of others quite regularly also.

I won't ever try to make each of you happy nor will I ever be able to please each of my readers with every article. However I also won't sugar coat reality and tell you all about the cookies and ice cream when there simply isn't any. I will challenge you to think, I will challenge you to look in the mirror and be realistic, and hopefully be honest with yourself. I suffered for years by lying to myself and it was a terrible lesson to learn; "to thine own self be true" has a weight greater than the moon for me.

Perhaps what was the most disapointing for me is that while some of those commenting here were so outraged, so insulted, so scorned, and some couldn't wait to show disdain they overlooked an article I wrote last year which lauded so much praise and heartfelt thanks on them. The best part is that's completely ok because it highlights my failure to write a compelling enough peice that was worthy of such attention. For that I thank all of you for showing me where I can improve.

As a finally honest with myself member of the TG comunity since about 1992 I realized how little I actually knew and made the decision to go from fantasy and assumption to reality and fact. Every month I get hundreds of letters some hateful, some hearbreaking, and some complimentary. I learn something from each one just as I've learned someting about each of those who made a comment here. I cant and wont presume to tell anyone how to live, or what may be best, but I do know what has worked not only for myself but the thousands of girls and women I have met over the years. Some might conclude that I feel that I'm somehow better than they are because of that, they would be mistaken in that assumption.

This will be my ONLY comment on this thread. It's also the ONLY time I have ever commented on one of my articles because you as my readers are MY judge, jury, and executioner should that be the case.

In conclusion:

In order to travel into outer space like an astronaut it takes years of hard work, an incredible finacial invesment, a lifetime of study, and unbelievable risk. Some people are willing to do all of those things and get into orbit someday, some won't because it's much safer to just dream about it while looking at the stars above. Anyone can buy a space suit, but not everyone gets to experiance a spacewalk. Does that make the astronaut better? Perhaps not, but it sure does make their achievement noteworthy.

For those that may find that insulting, see that as less than admirable, or feel diminished in some way by an astronaut's success.... read the article again.

You might just find out that YOU can be an astronaut to!


P.S.

Thank you Jeri, Marsha, and Jennifer for you heartfelt comments. I was absolutely thrilled by your well thought out and wonderful comments which all of us can learn from.

I'd love to be an astronaut. Heaven only knows what sorts of capers they get up to in that International Space Station!

Well Ladies,
I must admit this has been a very spirited debate. Hotly disputed, points and counter points. However, spate this passionate, but   contentious controversy evolved. Gives way, to an incredible positive opportunity to discover and acknowledge each sides contrasting opinions. Now, we can move to a point of reflection. What can we recognize and understand from the various points of views?
There is much to revisit, evaluate, and possibly amend or assess which thoughts, we may need to reconsider.

Now, bring on the music, and tomfoolery, to lighten our souls.
Tammy

Tammy I think that pink skirt suit you're wearing in your photo with that guy is lovely.

Why, Thank you Janis, that is so kind of you.
You always seem to be so fashionable, with a very lady like poise. I admire that.
Tammy

Hi Jeri,

I certainly agree with how you saw Michelle's current column (and I'd add the last one, too.) To simplify, her point seems to be she is a "real woman" who is above worrying about her appearance and that CD/TVs aren't truly feminine because they do. And, big surprise, Marsha agrees.

I think this is just a form of stereotyping. I don't remember any qualifiers like "some" or even "many" CD/TVs act that way. I've known some who were indeed hung up on clothes, makeup, boots, corsets, etc. Some people are either into fetishes or just outrageous behavior. But I've known many more who strive to be feminine, even ladylike, and who do fit into society without drawing attention to themselves. That is certainly my personal goal.

In the same way, I've known (some) transsexuals who aren't particularly feminine, dress as whores and act as outrageously as they possibly can. In these forums Marsha has described her friend "Trixie" who seems to act as Michelle describes CD/TVs, no matter what sort of genitals she has or has not.

In my personal experience, I once met a TS (I'm told she was post op, I know she had enormous breasts, but I certainly wasn't going to look up her skirt!) whose trick was to pull a loaded revolver out at parties and stick it directly into the face of another guest to get a reaction. Not very ladylike in my book. (She tried it on me and I looked her straight in the eye and told her she wasn't funny and was making an ass of herself. I've, unfortunately, had to face down someone with a gun at other times in my life, but that's another story.)

I'm not saying Michelle or Marsha are "Trixies" or gun pulling nut cases. I'm not saying TSs in general behave like them. I am saying that CD/TVs should be given that same respect, at least until they prove themselves differently, as individuals.

Best,
Melody

Hi Marsha,

Read my post again, slowly. Maybe you'll get the point I'm making. Nothing in your post addresses it.

Best,
Melody

I find the Space Oddity piece quite unnecessary, and somewhat patronising (sorry Michelle).
You’re right Marsha, of course; there are clear differences between people who have no desire to transition fully, and those who do or have done. One would hope that a simple statement like that would not upset or offend anyone. TS’s are often accused, in a great big sweeping statement, of “looking down on” TV’s. I’m sure you have protestethed enough about such accusations towards you . There are indeed some snotty people around, some of them may be TS, some of them may “look down” on others; It’s not a standard condition of TS-ism. In fact most TS’s don’t look down on other manifestations of TG-ism, most of us respect other human beings as we would wish to be respected ourselves. If I judge people at all, it’s on their personality, not on their dressing habits, posture, or demeanour.
Frankly, I hate pieces like this. “How to be ladylike, what is not ladylike, I am a woman, some TG’s don’t behave like women…” At this point I want to swear, is that not ladylike? Do women not get pissed off too? Blah blah…
The TV’s that discuss war stories sitting in their inappropriate postures might not actually see themselves as women, why should they behave in ANY particular way? That’s who they are. They are not the same as people who need to live their lives, totally, completely as women. The TS’s that don’t behave in a ladylike manner… well that’s who they are too. Maybe they’re just the tomboy type. Why do we need anyone to point out these differences, The world is a colourful place. It takes all sorts…
Why does someone feel the need to publish an article on why they see themselves as truly female whilst others around them are less so? Perhaps as a subconscious prop to boost their alleged self-confidence?
I’ll tell you what is not a typical feminine trait, Michelle, what I never see women do – going on about how they are more womanly than other women, or other men, or TV’s for that matter. It’s an obsession that is found only in some TG’s. Pointing out the differences between TV’s and TS’s is completely unnecessary, rather boring, and somewhat sad when it comes from a TS’s perspective who is claiming this is actually a woman’s perspective.
I get no enjoyment or enlightenment from reading what a great woman you are, and how others you see around you are not. You’re not the first to opine this here, and you won’t be the last. If anything turns me off being a member of a TG community, it’s trash like this.
Sorry, but my opinion only.
xx

To me, it’s not a question of “accuracy”; debating the validity of the points made detracts from the fact that it’s basically about someone boasting how perfect a woman they are, while others are not. I don’t want to read about how womanly someone thinks they are whilst putting others down in the process.

Hi-

I'm with Cassandra in hoping that someone will post a link to the article in question. I did do a bit of a search and couldn't find it. While I'm a great fan of jumping in with both feet and expressing my opinion whether founded in fact or not, I thought it might be nice to actually read the article.

Hugs...Joni Mari