I did not know what to title this thread, it is really about a friend of mine. I actually first met her at this site and eventually last summer we met in person. Very attractive, great personality, she had her SRS surgery in Thailand last October. Unfortunately our contact was minimal after her surgery.

After I scheduled my SRS, I wanted to tell everyone I knew how excited I was, so I sent her a message on yahoo messenger. I got a reply on Tuesday. She was having big problems and desperately needed to talk with me. I was able to call her on the phone yesterday. The first words out of her mouth were, "I should have never went stealth." She was raped last week, then told to leave the next day by her boyfriend. She now finds herself homeless, jobless, and with nobody in her life to talk to. I didn't include her name because I'm not sure she wants everyone to know who she is. I just ask that everyone keep her in their thoughts

Hugs,
Marsha

It is never a good idea to become too financially dependent on another person.
Transgendered people do not need to be dominated by a man to affirm that they are a woman.

Marsha,

I'm deeply saddened by this horrifying attack upon your friend, and by the lack of support that she's got to call upon (other than yourself, of course, and thank Goodness that you're there for her). I can only hope, as Deb said above, that the resources provided by the public authorities will come through for her at this hugely vulnerable time.

Such an experience would be traumatic in the extreme for any woman, and I can't begin to imagine how alone she must feel after losing touch with the network of friends, family and support that one builds up over a lifetime.

She certainly has my full sympathy, and my profound hopes that she finds the resources she needs to see her through this ordeal.

Judith.

To try and answer a couple questions that came up in responses, first of all I was only able to talk to her a short bit because she was headed out the door to her therapist. So yes she is seeing someone about this.

Secondly, you can say all you want that it shouldn't matter whether or not she was stealth, the fact is it does matter, especially in places like rural Georgia. Apparently nobody knew about her past until this incident, somehow, someway her TS status was found out.

I will try and relay the well wishes to her. I know she will appreciate your support and I do likewise.

Hugs,
Marsha

Stories such as your friend are very sad, but all to common, and with the economy dramatically spliting into "haves and "havenots" we are likely to hear more and more similar tales, as well as the chances of our own involvement greatly increasing.
One of the saddest features of these stories is the impotence it seems to engender at both the individual and the societal level.
Individuals have problems dealing with it on a one to one basis, and society seems incapable of attacking it on the wider stage.
I'm a little old fashioned but seeing homeless women is sad beyond words, and one wonders about a society that allows it.

Every time I hear such stories I'm reminded of a poem by Frost.
He sees them as cautionary in nature with the lesson.... the first rule of individuals no less than states is survival.
A hard lesson at all times, but that it is still meaningful in by far the richest society the world as ever known is or should be a cause for deep shame.

Below is Frost's poem;

Provide, Provide

  The witch that came (the withered hag)
To wash the steps with pail and rag,
Was once the beauty Abishag,

The picture pride of Hollywood.
Too many fall from great and good
For you to doubt the likelihood.

Die early and avoid the fate.
Or if predestined to die late,
Make up your mind to die in state.

Make the whole stock exchange your own!
If need be occupy a throne,
Where nobody can call you crone.

Some have relied on what they knew;
Others on simply being true.
What worked for them might work for you.

No memory of having starred
Atones for later disregard,
Or keeps the end from being hard.

Better to go down dignified
With boughten friendship at your side
Than none at all. Provide, provide!

I was able to talk with my friend again yesterday. Fortunately she was not physically hurt beyond the rape. Again she said she should have never went stealth. It is kind of hard to put into words, but basically it appears that she now feels incredibly alone. Nobody in her life, nobody to turn to. And basically she blames herself for being in that situation. She has a job interview today so keep your fingers crossed.

I know we have discussed here at GS the pros and cons of going stealth. Gals like Lucy D and myself have found there is no reason to. We don't need to advertise the fact we are TS, but it makes no difference should anyone know. It doesn't appear that the rape of my friend occurred because of her being TS, however, because she left the people she knew to go stealth in another city, she now finds herself isolated.

It is human nature that you need friends in your life. Going through something like transition is that much more critical to have a circle of friends for support. Maryanne made a comment in one thread that this place has become a place just for TS's and wondered why when after they fully transition they just leave. I disagree with that somewhat because gals like Lucy are still here. When I get slightly heated I get asked why am I still here. I can only speak for me, but I come here primarily for the support and to give support. We never know when an incident like this will cause us to need someone's shoulder to cry on. I'm glad she was able to contact me.

Hugs,
Marsha

Dear Marsha-

I feel so bad for your friend, what a horrific thing to have happen to her. She has all my sympathy and best wishes. Sadly, this is something that can happen to any woman, TS or not, I don't see what her being "stealth" has to do with it. Has she reported the crime to the police? And shame on her boyfriend for throwing her out on the street at such a time of need.

She's lucky to have someone like you who's still a friend and can at least offer a shoulder to cry on and a sympathetic ear. If she was brave and tough enough to go through SRS then hopefully she will find the resources and resilience to get past this. There are also support groups for women who have been through the vicious crime of sexual assault, perhaps she can find some help there as well.

All my best to her.

Hugs...Joni Mari

You said she was found out because of what happend. So if I read it right she wasn't raped because of her past but because she's now a woman. So I assume she was hiding it from her boyfriend & I can see where that would be an issue.
Please don't think I mean anything bad by that I'm just trying to understand.

I'm very sorry to hear that she was hurt & I hope she will be OK.

This is horrific of course and I do hope the authorities deal with the perpetrator properly, and more to the point, I hope your friend is able to put this attack behind her and not let it ruin her life. Much easier said than done I know.

While the circumstances of the attack are not really relevant, (it was still an attack), I was also puzzled as to why going stealth was the issue, unless it was because she had hidden her past from her boyfriend who then found out. If that was the case, I don't condone his actions in any way but I can see why it happened. It certainly doesn't make it right. Maybe that isn't the case at all.

I'm sorry it happened and I do hope she is able to pick herself up and move on. My thoughts are with her.

Nikki

Why is she blaming herself? She didn't ask to be raped regardless of the circumstances it isn't her fault. I'm relieved to hear that she wasn't physically harmed although it's the emotional harm that always takes much longer to heal. I do wish her the best for her interview, and perhaps that will act as a catalyst in the healing process, just by giving her something to concentrate on.

On another note, I do understand why people leave here, it's human nature, we move on and this site has fulfilled it's purpose and therefore we feel it's time to go. It's wonderful that some post op girls like Lucy stay around, as it's so enriching to have the wisdom and experience of someone like her who has been through the whole process. I've seen a lot of post op girls get very anti TG and verbally abusive. I don't understand that attitude at all. How quickly they forget their 'roots', but maybe that's exactly what they are trying to do, simply re-inventing themselves.

This site for me, is primarily about the support it is able to offer, which we all need at some stage, if only to verbalised our feelings. It's nice to have a place where you can do that and get a lot of feedback from those who understand your position. Knowing what it is like myself, I feel I have a duty of sorts to be there for others.

Nikki