hello there. I live in the Iowa great lakes region. I have family that lives near me and in Southern Minnesota. I have considered about moving away to where I can come out of the closet so to speak and be able to live and work as the new me. I do not have a name yet for myself so you can suggest one if you like. I do have a dvd camcorder, a webcam, a logtech headset with mic and a digital camera. I am not fimilar with how to use them on the web yet except the camera. Now there is one thing that stands in the way. I do not know where to go where I would be accepted at work and be able to live there. I just can't let my family know about this until I know where to go. I am not sure what is all out there but I would like to move. Would anyone know where I can go to live and work? by the way my address is [email protected]. Can you help?

Nathan

Hi Nathan,

Have you considered the possibility that your family could be supportive to you being transgendered and that they may go a long way to helping you live successfully as a woman? It would be a shame if you were to move to a big city, a long way from your family, to then find out they are your biggest supporters.

I wish you lots of success.
Penny
x

Will Nathan, you have asked what probably amounts to the toughest set of questions anyone could ask here. Penny's comment about seeking your parents support is great advice. Going through transition alone is incredibly difficult and if you were to move to a new city who would you go to if you needed help? Then of course there are the basics of how would you take care of yourself. Do you have the financial resources to take care of yourself if you could not find a job? Do you plan on transitioning fully with hormones and surgeries? The cost for doctors and treatments will add up quickly. Or are you just interested in being able to wear women's clothing when you are home? That could likely be done without a problem and I sense if you were to talk with your family you just may find support. Best wishes in the path you choose to follow.
Hugs,
Marsha

Hello Nathan,
Welcome to The Gender Society. Here you'll find all sorts of friends, advice, and support. You are not alone.

I read your posting, and those of Katie, Penny and Marsha.

Marsha brought up the most most important issue; basically speaking, what is your desire? Your signature line includes this information: I want to change to be a crossdresser/transgender. I have considered getting into a relationship with a strait lady. So, which is it? Do you just feel the need to dress and live as a woman, but remain physically male? Or do you feel that you desire to actually physically become a woman? (I probably could of written that a little better, but I think you'll understand what I meant.)

I would strongly urge you to find a therapist such as a Licensed Social Worker (L.S.W.) or Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (L.M.F.T.) and spend some time with them to determine exactly what it is that you really desire, and take it from there. If funding is an issue, you might start by contacting your county Health Department, and see if they can set you up with some sort of counselor. Another option, check Des Moines, Omaha and Minneapolis/St. Paul for crossdressing/transgender/transsexual support groups, and perhaps they can point you toward a good and knowledgeable counselor, that has experience working with transgender people.

You really should be certain in your mind of your destination before you step out on a journey. You wouldn't want to start walking to Minneapolis, when you really should have walked to Omaha. A wise man once said, "A journey of 1000 miles begins with the first step."

I wish you all the best, and good luck.
Nicole

I've gone back and read all your postings Nathan and one thing I believe I learned from that is your transgender life is online and you have a reluctance to see a therapist at this time. Nobody is going to push you into doing anything you don't want to do, but I think it is very important at this point that you talk with someone face to face, not online. Nicole had some great ideas where to seek counseling.

I'm worried that you are seeking a community to live in that matches what you have seen online. Sure Gender Society is a great community to share experiences and meet others, but we each go home when we are finished, hence, we don't live here. Katie pointed out it is difficult around the world to transition fully, but along with that, many of us do successfully transition. I am one of those people, but I could not have done it without my friends online along with my family and friends where I live. Do it right Nathan, don't do it alone.

Hugs,
Marsha

Hi Nathan, I hope you don't mind but I have removed your email address from your last post. Apart from anything more sinister, that will prevent you from being put on some spammers email list. It's always best not to post your private contact details in a public forum. Any members who want to reply can either do so here in this forum or by sending you a Private Message (PM).

As for your name, well I guess it depends on how far removed you want it to be from your original name. If you're called Nathan then Natalie springs straight into my mind but you may think that's too close so perhaps Fiona or Felicity or suchlike would be better. Will you keep your last name (Natalie Miller sounds great actually) or again, will that be a giveaway?

I concocted my femme name from the names of some TV actresses I had a crush on when I was a teenager. Katie is from Katy Manning who was a Dr Who assistant and Glover is from Karen and Anna Glover, the gorgeous girlies from a 1960's TV sitcom called Father Dear Father (long before your time) but probably still show occasionally on PBS.

What name you decide to go with must also depend on what you like. Those are my suggestions anyway.

A place to go and work en femme? About the only place on the planet I can think of where you would get away with that from day one is Thailand. The UK is pretty good with diversity laws although in practice not quite so accepting. If you need to stay in the US then I'd suggest going to a big city where anything goes and everybody has already seen everything. New York City would be a good contender, as would San Francisco which has a large Gay community. Keep away from small towns with small town attitudes.

However, it seems like living as a woman full time is difficult for transgendered people just about everywhere in the world. If you work in male mode and then switch to female when you get home I'd say that things would be easier. To work as a woman though, takes a lot of guts and will be difficult unless of course you are a drag artist, in which case it's required!

Hugs, Katie x