Hi there.

  • August 3, 2010 4:22 PM BST
    Been sexually active for a while now but only started dressing 3 years ago, i'm 20. Now i don't go out of my way to look mega convincing, but i'm slim and have been told i have a feminine face with high cheekbones. I haven't got the make-up down just yet, i tend to put far too much lippy and blusher on. I'm tall with very long legs, and even though as i say i'm not that convincing i don't have any trouble attracting admirers.

    Now my problem, not even sure if it is a problem, is the guys i attract. Not sure if anyone else has this problem? When i started dressing i thought it would be gay guys who went for me, but it's not. The guys who go for me tend to all say their straight. Now is this normal? I mean recently i had an argument one morning with a guy that really annoyed me, all i did was ask him if he was bi or gay. He looked horrified and said he was straight. Now bearing in mind we'd spent the night having sex (nothing to write home about), i thought how the hell can you say you're straight? I mean i don't care how convincing you are, once a guy starts having sex with you it's pretty obvious he's having anal sex with another man! So how can he then say he's straight?

    And it's not just him, it's been most guys say their straight. On the occasions i go out and i'm not dressed i attract gay guys who don't mind being called gay.

    Now maybe this isn't a problem and it shouldn't get to me, but it does. I'm bi and always say i'm bi, i prefer men though. Why can't the guys having sex with you say they're bi too? Is this a common problem with the kind of guys we attract or is it just not really a problem and i should just enjoy myself.

    Oh and i have another problem, about why some guys want to date you but only if you dress all the time. But i shall save that one for later.
    • 871 posts
    August 3, 2010 5:33 PM BST
    Hiya Alex,
    I am fairly familiar with the difficulties you are explaining. There is another thread talking about if guys who fancy transwomen are gay or not which might be worth a read. My understanding on the situation is that if a guy wants to experience someone’s male genitalia in bed whether the owner is gay or transgender then the guy is gay. I think a lot of guys cant bring themselves to say they are gay because of the psychological stigma baggage they carry and are probably not mentally strong enough to provide stability in a relationship. It seems that these type of weak human beings seek out transgender women because it allows them to circumvent the gay issue and it really annoys me when they say they are really discreet and my privacy will be respected, what they really mean is they want their privacy to be protected because they are too scared to be a true and real human being in public. At that point I start to growl with clenched fists and scream out you need to take me to a nice restaurant, cinema and the local biker rock pub to dance the night away before you get into my knickers!

    Did I vent enough? lol - These people really frustrate me, they have the freedom to live how they chose of course, but its the disrespect they give me and because they insinuate by their behaviour that I should also be ashamed of who I am.

  • August 10, 2010 6:01 PM BST
    Hi, Penny and Joni, thanks for the welcome.

    I agree, Penny. It does annoy me that these people lie to themselves more than anyone else. As you say these guys don't want to date you they just want to get in your pants. The few that do want to date you are the ones that expect you to dress for them 24/7. I'm glad it's not just me that gets annoyed by these people. I suppose we must suffer them if we want to be with guys.

    • Moderator
    • 1980 posts
    August 3, 2010 7:49 PM BST
    HI Alexandra-

    <big hug> Well, I'm not going to get into the whole, how can a "straight" guy have sex with a non-transitioned tgirl and still claim that he's not gay or bi. All I can say is that orientation, like so many other things, is sometime fluid and circumstantial.

    However, I will give you a warm welcome to TGS. It sounds like you have your feet under you and are comfortable, prretty much, with who you are. This is a great place to make friends, get advice and perhaps seek answers. No one will judge you or codemn you, which is not to say we don't have our little spats and disagreements.

    Please feel free to join in on the various forums and chats. If you have any questions, please let me or one of the other mods know and we'll be glad to help out. Once again, a warm welcome.

    Hugs...Joni Mari