Forum » Gender Society Public Forums » Coming Out » Better then expected

Better then expected

Tags : None
  • Well last week I told my mother. I have spent several years starting conversations with family and friends to feel out their reactions to those they may consider different or unusual. Since I am majoring in Psychology and Sociology with emphasis on gender and violence it has been pretty easy to cover the true nature of the conversation. With my mother this is the only thing I have kept from her and she is the second person I have told, the first being my wife prior to getting married. She took it surprisingly well. I guess I was worried for no reason. She even offered when the time comes she will help me tell my father and brother if I need the help. Those two hard going to be the hardest I think. For me the most important thing was to let my mother know. In addition two of my wife and mine friends also know (my wife told both of them after asking me first.) One of which we had to tell before he moved in with us to avoid any awkward situations since home is the only place I feel comfortable dressing at this time. I feel a lot better that my wife and mother are supportive, the two friends are supportive as well which is a bonus. Outside of them I don't think I really care what the rest of the world thinks. That being said I'm not quite ready to show the world my true self yet as I am still looking. Next step is finding a therapist who specialized in gender since I am not a therapist, or planning on being one (I prefer research). Besides I also think it is not wise to be your own patient. If anyone has advice on where to start looking for said therapist I would appreciate the help.

    P.S. My mother said the name they had picked out for me was Megan and she thought i would be a good name to change to. My wife and I like it as well and it seams to fit a lot better than Ereka so good bye Ereka hello Megan.
      September 19, 2010 10:34 PM BST
    0
  • I told my mum about three or four weeks ago, on my home from councelling, the session had gone well and I had gone in fully dressed mode. My councelor was really cool about that (we had discussed it on several previous occassions. So I came out of the session, got changed, and headed home. I had to pop in to see mum anyway so I thought I'd tell here. I had had a lot of issues to settle with Dad before he died 2003 (so many that we never covered cross dressing, but had caught me at home and said nothing so maybe he was ok with it :) ) and Mum had asked a while back if I had any similiar issues with her as she would like to know be she goes (she's 70 and got a lot gas left in the tank yet), so I used that as my doorway.

    To be honest it went better than I thought it would but it wasn't easy for her and even now there is still a hint of anger in her voice when we speak on the phone, but she's ok when I go round, as her son, not as Tara.

    I haven't told my brother and have no idea how he would take it, I sense not well, but I could be wrong. My Wife has known for years before we were married, had to tell, we were living in the same space, she's been great and often gives me advice, and even offered to adjust a couple of skirts for me, although that may be a ploy to get the loft floor done.

    My biggest concern is if, and when, to tell my two boys both of whom have problems of their own, one's autisic and the other's dyslexic, so their world is tough enough as it is.

    Tara

    P.S. Tara Bernadette was one of the girls' names my parents had chosen for me, and for some reason I've known that for years.
    Love and Light
      September 29, 2010 6:03 PM BST
    0
  • I'm sorry that your mom has tat sense of anger their but at least she knows. We are both lucky from what I've heard that are wifes are ok with it. Unfortunatly in my case is limited in her knowledge of fixing skirts and applying make-up. She comes from a long line of tough women who have had no use for all the girly stuff.
    On the brother front I wish you luck I'm still trying to figure out what I'm going to do.
    As for children on the plus side my daughter is only a year old and she will be raised with more of an oppen mind I hope. My brother in-law is autistic so I know that the communication is not always the easiest however I think it will probably need to be a case of when, not if, you tll them. While they have a lot to deal with I don't think it is right to keep it from them unless you are anticipating not being in their lives. Besides if they know you have your troubles that you are dealing with perhaps that will help them feel better and know that you understand what they are going through on some level. All of us (you, your children, and the rest of the TS community) all face the fact that we are similar in the fact we are all diferent by "normal" standards
    Good luck.
    Megan Layne
      October 11, 2010 11:44 PM BST
    0