okay, so here goes!

    • 29 posts
    December 2, 2010 11:20 PM GMT
    Okay, this is super intimidating so here goes and please be nice about it...

    Okay....I'm 29 MTF but bigendered which means I'm both genders at the same time just womewhat fluid, with about 70% female. So, I'd like to do hormones and a facial surgery and electrolysis. I also date exclusively women..which basically makes me a lesbian? lol...seriously, I disregard most binaries since few really relate to me at all. The real me is a somewhat butch girly girl (if that makes any sense) just I'm stuck in this male body, which I'm increasingly finding disguisting.

    So, yeah I don't exactly fit the mold of a MTF but this is serious. The gender dysphoria is real, the questions and anxiety about transitioning are real....

    so hope this doesn't sound like me being in bad taste but I've already had the "you're just a wannabe trans chick" and I really don't need that right...period. Like everybody else, I'd like one space in which I can, at least, kinda sorta relate..

    • 29 posts
    December 3, 2010 12:18 AM GMT
    ^ honestly, thank you.

    I never thought that you considered the idea that I didn't have the right to post in the slightest. Sure, I may be paranoid but I've had less than optimal experiences from the "trans" community in the past.

    Honestly, that sets me at ease...at least with you. I disagreed slightly with your academic perspective. However, that was a couple of posts and the lived reality of being trans and its intimitate reality is something I can relate to more than some view points.

    Regardless, thanks I needed that vote of confidence.
    • 29 posts
    December 3, 2010 12:49 AM GMT
    ^ well being bigendered is a form of being trasns but all the same thank you for the kind welcome.
    • 1912 posts
    December 3, 2010 2:17 AM GMT
    Jackie, welcome to GS. I think you will find that your understanding of your "gender" is something that will change and become clearer as time goes on. Maybe not in days or weeks, but in years and decades. A wonderful gal here named Wendy loves to use the term "two spirited" and that sounds very much like you. But specific titles don't really mean a great deal here. Don't listen to anyone who says there is only one way to do it right, which usually means their way is right. We are all different and what is right for me is not necessarily right for you. There are lots of wonderful people here at GS and I hope you take the opportunity to communicate and develop new friendships with the others here.
    Best wishes,
  • December 3, 2010 12:01 AM GMT
    "you're just a wannabe trans chick" and I really don't need that right.. I was not questioning your integrity, now you are being paranoid. I am probably one of the most vocal on this site, defending peoples rights to be what they are and most importantly, accepting of what they say they are..

    if you read my other threads and this one in its entirety you will note that just about every deviation of the perceived norm has been included.. Both from a logical explanation of genetics and from a social perspective. So please do not even suggest I am being derogatory of your status, you were questioning my thread for apparent exclusions and warning me not to be dissmisve of other factors. and of course these are open forums and everyone has a right to post their views, I resent your inference that I was somehow denying you the right to your post. or attempting to put you off of posting.

    So, yeah I don't exactly fit the mold of a MTF but this is serious. The gender dysphoria is real, the questions and anxiety about transitioning are real........ ..the scope of gender dysphoria, is infinite but the people here, me included are in the most like one big family
    we accept people for who they are not what they are. Anyway according to your profile, your new, Welcome, I also run the UK law forum...
    • 1652 posts
    December 3, 2010 12:38 AM GMT
    Hello Jakie and welcome to TGS.
    Whether you are transgender, bigender, or cisgender, or somewhere in between, you are equally welcome.
    I am sure you will meet others here who are in similar places on the gender spectrum.
    • Moderator
    • 1980 posts
    December 3, 2010 1:29 AM GMT
    Hi Jakie-

    If anybody on this forum, or any other, makes you feel unwelcome about who you are and how you feel yourself to be and especially about how you choose to self-designate, you let me know. We may have our little spats here and all, just like any family, but everyone is welcome. So...welcome.

    Seriously, TGS is the best place on the web to find help, support, resources, information and friendship. Especially the friendship part. You are very, very welcome here. There isn't much I can add to what the other girls have said, except to say that if you need any help regarding this forum or the site in general, please feel free to let me or any of the other mods know.

    BTW, nice weather...more or less...today, wasn't it?

    Hugs...Joni Mari
    • 430 posts
    December 5, 2010 12:04 AM GMT

    Only you yourself can decide what you are. Me personally I never fit any labels and when someone thinks they have me worked out and neatly labeled I go and change again.

    I'm a big bold, shy, introspective, smart , dumb, butch and femme woman and thats just on mondays. You should see the rest of the week. The thing is I decided to be this way. I could have worked really hard to fit into people's perceived ideas of who I am and what I'm about but that wouldnt be fair to me or the world at large.

    On the "wannabe" factor. Look up "trans". From Dictionary.com :

    a prefix occurring in loanwords from Latin ( transcend; transfix ); on this model, used with the meanings “across,” “beyond,” “through,” “changing thoroughly,” “transverse,” in combination with elements of any origin: transisthmian; trans-Siberian; transempirical; transvalue.

    If you switch between one and another you can use the prefix "trans" to pretty much anything. You just struck someones idea of what they believe trans to be.

    Personally, I dont think of myself as trans at all in the transsexual meaning that is. I made that voyage, the boat docked in January 2006. There was still some lessons to learn but for the most part that finished. Now my journey is with other parts of life. I believe I will always have a little trans in my life as I am Trans-life now. Traveling through my life, changing thoroughly with time and enjoying the ride.

    Remember the only opinion that truly matters is your own. You're the one that has to look at yourself every morning when you look in the mirror.

    • 29 posts
    December 5, 2010 4:01 AM GMT
    ^ wise words, and thanks.
  • December 5, 2010 4:36 AM GMT
    Hi Jakie. I''ve read your post a few times, but didn't realy feel a need to post other than to say hi.
    I'm prewtty much a strong willed person, who says what needs to be said. This othen gets me in trouble with the weak minded.
    Luckly I can pretty much speak my mind here, unlike on another site which wll remain nameless.
    Anyways, I just wanted to say. If you listen to all the negativity from closed minded souls, you'll never be free, and most importantly, you'll never accept yourself.
    This is the most important thing in all your life. It doesn't matter what others say. It doesan't matter if others accept you, for who you are. If you don't accept who you are you'll never be free.
    • 29 posts
    December 4, 2010 9:10 AM GMT
    Seriously, I didn't expect this kind of overwhelming support especially after being told several times that I'm a "wannabe" and not a "real MTF".

    I seriously needed that, so thanks all.


    Two-Spirited fits pretty well, although there tend to be two types of bigendered folks. Some strictly two-spirited, as in two seperate gendered aspects of the same self and those who are fluid. I'm of the latter. But hey, where I stand is if your trans your trans details aside.

    Love the scripture quote by the by.