I was trying to think of a better forum to post in but the "Coming out" just didn't seem right and there was no "Going back in" forum.
Transsexuality is a strange thing… During the transformation process you live openly as a transsexual where friends, colleagues and other people know that you are a transsexual and they may or may not accept you for being one.
I have come to think a lot about this during the past few months as the problem of who knows about me and who doesn’t is getting more and more frustrating.
For instance, I go to a party and someone says “who was that girl? She was really sweet” and someone else replies “Oh, that’s Hanna, she’s sweet but just so you know, she is a transsexual”. Some things are said about me with the best intentions such as “That’s Hanna over there, can you even imagine she wasn’t born a woman?”.
I am beginning to find this very frustrating and I have plans to eventually go into stealth mode. I have started to break up with a lot of not so close friends that I do not trust to keep my secret while my best friends knows that they are not to tell anyone that I am a transsexual. If they are asked about it they will simply say something like “Not that I know of, why do you think that?”.
I am thinking of moving, not very far but just to get away from my old neighbourhood. I have plans to get a new job and I also made plans about changing my phone number and get a protected identity to keep people from accidentally finding out who I once was and to keep old friends from contacting me.
The problem is that I’m not sure how to make the plan work… I don’t want to find myself in a situation where I have to do it all over again just because my secret accidentally slipped out.
I’m not there yet and it mwill probably be another year or so before I trust myself and my surrounding well enough to pull the stealth trick off.
I was wondering if anyone has any tips, ideas or perhaps experience in doing this. I have been talking a lot with my psychiatrist and coordinator at the gender clinic about this but if anyone has any first hand information, I’d very much like to learn a few Dos and Don’ts.
The one advice I don’t want is to be open and proud of who and what I am, that just isn’t what I want for myself. I want as few people as possible to know about my history.
Kind Regards,
Hanna