A little old lady was sitting on a park bench in The Villages, a Florida Adult community.
A man walked over and sits down on the other end of the bench. After a few moments, the woman asks, 'Are you a stranger here?'

He replies, 'I lived here years ago.'

'So, where were you all these years?'

'In prison,' he says.

'Why did they put you in prison?'

He looked at her, and very quietly said, 'I killed my wife.'

'Oh!' said the woman. 'So you're single...?!'



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Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing. One lady turns and asks, 'Do you still get horny?'
The other replies, 'Oh sure I do.'

The first old lady asks, 'What do you do about it?'

The second old lady replies, 'I suck a lifesaver.'

After a few moments, the first old lady asks,
'Who drives you to the beach?'



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A little old man shuffled slowly into the ' Orange Dipper', an ice cream parlor in Leesburg, and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.
After catching his breath he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'

'No,' he replied, 'hemorrhoids.'

I normally don't respond to joke threads, I just read them, but those were good.

No responce needed I'm just sharing a smile.

MA!!!!! I WAS GOING TO POST THAT JOKE!!!!

Mum says hi and she loves you. She thinks you are the best, and she sends her best to Mags and your mum.

Mere

So so,it's blow the dust off those old Rag Mags time is it?? Try this one for size.........

After the funeral,the beautiful young wife was still sobbing a little as she talked about her 90 year old husband whom they'd just buried."He was always so kind and gentle with me and his love-making was really beautiful.He used to make love to me every sunday morning to the rhythm of the the church bells........bloody fire-engine..........!!

(for those who may not know........in the UK a Rag-mag is((was? I've been away too long)) a booklet of often extremely dubious jokes sold by students during their college Rag-week to raise money for charity)

I am what I am.........

Lynn Harvey

Oh Hell!!!!

I've just realised I'm showing my age- and how! To appreciate the joke entered above you have to realise that,many,many years ago now,fire-engines in the UK didn't have sirens.No ma'am.They had bells which rang very,very quickly..................

Sorry,I must try and get out more.......

Lynn Harvey ,

I am what I am....

lol lynn! gawd you mush be old! hehe

Lynn - I liked your joke and I'm just a tiny bit older....don't tell anyone.
hugs
Gracie

A husband returned from the doctor and told his wife of sixty years he'd been given a clean bill of health and a bottle of Viagra. She immediately got up, put on an overcoat, and grabbed her purse. When asked where she was going, she replied, "I need to visit the doctor as well - if you plan to stick that rusty old thing in me, I'll need a tetanus shot!"

Well as long as we're talking marriage.

A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands money. Once he is given
the money, he turns to a customer and asks, 'Did you see me rob this
bank?'
The man replied, 'Yes sir, I did.'

The robber then shot him in the temple, killing him instantly.

He then turned to a couple standing nearby. He asked the man, 'Did you
see me rob this bank?
The man replied, 'No sir, I didn't, but my wife did.'

Two old guys in a nursing home talking about regularity. The one guy says,

"Regularity? Let me tell you about regularity! Every morning, like clockwork, at 70 AM, I have a long and satisfying pee. Just like clockwork, at 7:35 sharp, I have a nice poop."

The other guy says,

"So what's your complaint?"

The first oldster replies,

"I just can't seem to get out of bed before 90!"

I know most of you are dog lovers and will help us.
Our neighbor has lost her Chihuahua and is desperate to find him.

She does a lot of traveling and always takes her dog with her.

Yesterday, she was sitting on the couch watching TV.

She called out for her puppy with no response, and the back door was open.

She has been putting up signs everywhere.

If you see this dog, please let me know and I will notify her.

Your help would be greatly appreciated.

If you dusting really old jokes here's one.

Man arrives home and immediately starts throwing his clothes into a suit case. His wife asks "where are you going?"
He says "I'm heading for New Zeeland. I heard there's a shortage of men and women are paying $100.00 a night."
The wife starts packing. The husband asks "where are you going?"
She says "to New Zeeland, I want you see how you're going to live on $100.00 a month."

PERKS OF BEING 50 AND OVER

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

3. No one expects you to run--anywhere.

4. People call at 9 pm and ask, Did I wake you????

5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

7. Things you buy now won't wear out.

8. You can eat supper at 4 pm

9. You can live without s *x but not your glasses.

10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

13. You sing along with elevator music.

14. Your eyes won't get much worse.

15. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

16. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

17. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

OMG Karen, I'm counting down. Only 7 months 22 days to go. When my doctor realized I would be 50 later this year he said you know what that means, referring to a colonoscopy. My reply to that was I will be 50 for an entire year so we will hold off on that until I'm 50 yrs, 364 days old.

Could be worse Marsha. I've got 6 months & 20 days left.
Of course your not old as long as someone around is older.

It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds.
As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a used car.
He stopped and asked them why they were sitting there in the car. Were they trying to steal it?
'Heavens no, we bought it.'
'Then why don't you drive it away.'
We can't drive.'
Then why did you buy it?'
'We were told that if we bought a Used car here we'd get screwed ...so we're just waiting.

A couple are walking through a Graveyard, when they see a man, kneeling at a grave, crying his eyes out.
As they get closer, they can hear him, between sobs, saying "Margo, oh why did you die? Oh why did you die?"
This goes on for another few minutes, over and over again!
When he gets up, and starts to walk away, the couple approach him, and ask him who's grave that was that he had been so sad at.
He replies, "That is my first wife's grave, she died 4 years ago".
The couple say, "You must have loved her dearly, to miss her so badly, that, after all this time, you still cry so much about losing her!"
He replies, "Love Her!! I hated her guts!!"
"So why were you crying so much then?"
"You haven't met my Second Wife"!!!!!!

I know this thread is titled "Old Jokes", but maybe this would fit better in one called "Ancient Jokes"!
But, we'l just put it here, anyway!!

You've probably ALL heard it before ........................... probably in school, but it fits the criteria of OLD !!


Two old men are sitting on a park bench.
One says, "It's nice out".
The other one says, "Put it away, there's a woman coming" !!!

................................... Sorry bout that !!!! LoL. ..............................

Hugs,
Angela. xx.