... this may end up as a rant!

Moderators, dearest, feel free to delete if thats how you see it!

Dammit, I am SO angry, frustrated and annoyed.

I will also say that is quite unlike me. But what is wrong with you all? Where is your compassion and understanding? What is wrong with you?

That said, perhaps I should explain. I've just abandoned reading the blogs. It was too distressing. Not for what was said, but for what I perceived was left out. I've just read the blog of a member who stated she was so distraught and upset, she stated she was off to 'od'. Did she or did'nt she? Who knows. Was it a cry of 'wolf' or a desperate plea for help? Who knows.

But I do know she placed that blog on Saturday at 0734hrs [UK time?]. Katie - and God bless her - responded at 11:42 the same day. I saw the entry at 0102 hrs on Monday the 1st of December.

Where the hell were the rest of you????

Not one other person between that time responded to her. Not one message, not one offer of help.

For God's sake people, she is our sister irrespective of what is happening in her life. I am not a psychiatrist but clearly here was a person with a problem.

I don't think for one second I'm fit to assist but I'm damned sure prepared to do whatever the heck I can. And I know so many of you out there in TW world are far far better equipped than I am.

Why were'nt you there to help? Where was your offer?

If the foot was on the other high-heeled boot, don't you think she may have been there for you?

I think this is definately an area TW needs to think about. We can do so much more.

Much love

Rae xx

Sorry for the ramble!

Rae: I for one am not sure how to respond!!
You are right as a community I would hope we will always be there for one another. I am sorry to say I have never read anyone's blog. And now i think about it I don't know why?? I hope this sister is OK. And you are right God bless Katie for responding.
From the point you have brought up, If we have over 25000 members why are there so few postings? as a percentage i would bet it's not even 10% so if like me, how many read the blogs? I know from other organizations I am involved in, its always the same 2-5% of people who are the most involved., and get things done.
Reading the different threads I would have to agree there are so many girls out there who are probably better qualified to help! But if I can! in anyway, i will be there for anyone that needs me..I am not sure where i am going with this!! But i feel you are right we must do more for each other...."If we don't who will" ???

Hugs
Jane

Rae, what makes you think no-one has responded ? Not everyone chooses to respond by commenting on the blog itself. Myself and I am sure others have contacted Karen directly. These things are too personal to be discussed in public things like blog comments - please don't assume that just because you don't see a comment that no-one cares or is doing anything

Rae (Monday 01 Dec, 09:35) I've just read your message. You certainly sounded provoked.. I don't feel that this is a community that merely stands by the sidelines and watches, and I suspect that there are members who visit and act with discretion. You'll gain nothing by not reading and contributing to the blogs. You were obviously upset by what you read, but you'll get your equilibrium back. As individuals we can only do what we are able to do.

Hey lovely people,

You are all so right.

I just felt so frustrated and - clearly - emotionally caught up in the moment. Of course, people may well have contacted her through other ways. My faith in human nature is not so low as to feel that would not be the case!

As I said, and apologise once more, it was a bit of an emotional rant. I am sure the vast majority of our members do care - and also recognise that whilst we may be numerous, we may not all access TW seventy five times a day!

Much love to you all.

Rae xxx

In the US and Canada - you can call 911 or 1-800-784-2433 / there is a TALK line in the US 1-800-273-8255.
There is a Internation Hot Line web site but it required area codes to get to the right service.
Do you have 911 or a similar code in your area? That usually does the trick for any emergency.
We have to do something to prevent suicides - I've seen too many good people make bad decisions.
hugs
Gracie

Firstly, I am relieved to hear that Karen didn't go ahead with an OD, thank goodness. I certainly understand why Rae can be so upset by a perceived lack of response but as Lillienne and Katie have said, there IS something happening 'behind the scenes' as we are a site that cares about it's members.

I don't read every blog, I simply haven't got the time between juggling family, work and everything else, but I do what I can whenever I can. One thing to remember, almost everyone here, if not everyone, has at least one or two friends who can contact them outside of TW and in these situations that is often what happens, and everything is able to be sorted out away from the public eye.

I think a helpline sounds a good idea but in practise there are better ones out there already with trained staff, unlike ourselves. I think it's best left to them.

Nikki

some of us ARE trained for this kind of work Katie - just a thought if we ever did decide to provide some kind of service

Hi Been absent due to work shifts.

Rea not all of us has access to the internet every single day or has the energy to browse when one has done a hard days work.

Katie. There are two organisations that are here in the UK dedicated to helping specifically the TG community. I am not mentioning the samaritans who do a fantastic job but help lines dedicated to the TG community with phone lines and people fully trained and experienced with Tg matters are on hand.
I was down at the Gender Trusts AGM this Sunday. One part of the trust that was discussed and has been and will be continually expanded is their help line for the TG community concerning any issues from not knowing where to go who to see what steps one should take to feeling depressed or feel like ending it all. The phone line volunteers are fully trained and are usually people who have many years of experience within the Transgender world. They are fully trained and manned Monday to Friday 10 Am to 10PM and Saturday and Sunday 1PM -10PM. I know this is not a 24 /7 facility it may become so in the future depending upon funding. This is an organisation that TW should most definatly be affiliated with.

I will be one of those phone line volunteers next year.

Gender Trust

Sarah

Hey,

First of all, for those who felt - rightly so - offended, you have my most sincere apologies.

It is often easy to fall victim to your own inadequacies and perceived impotence in a situation. Clearly, that was the case for me.

I am often accused [if that’s the right expression] of wearing my heart on my sleeve. That I am most certainly guilty of. But I’m not ashamed of that, it’s a big part of what makes me who I am. But it is wrong to make the assumption that no-one else cares.

Because I know that’s not true. And there are many members of TW to whom I am personally grateful to for help, advice and support.

So, whilst I may squirm a little in embarrassment over my childish foot-stamping, that feeling is alleviated a little by some really good and practical idea’s coming in.

Whilst I appreciate Katie’s concern, I do also like Cristine’s suggestion of somewhere sisters in distress can post in confidence. Sarah’s idea, likewise is excellent.

Perhaps we can discuss this further, I’m certainly willing to do what I can. [‘though maybe we can discuss it in another thread - not surprisingly I’d like this one to sink into oblivion, ahem].

Once again, those who rightly felt their feelings where hurt, you have my unreserved apology.

So much love to you all.

Rae xx

There are a few basic things that anyone can do to help someone who expresses thoughts of suicide.

1. Don't be afraid to use the "S" word...Suicide. ASK if the person is thinking about hurting themselves. If they say yes, ask them if they have a plan.. Many people have died because someone was afraid to ask this question.

2. Be non-judgemental. Keep your feelings out if it. Let them talk about their feelings and accept their feelings; this doesn't mean you agree, if asked, but don't argue with them about whether they are right or wrong.. For them it is real. Verbalizing their feelings can help them hang on until they get trained help. Do NOT impose any GUILT on the person you are helping....it will not help them. They already have enough on their plate, sometimes more than enough guilt to kill themselves.

3. Encourage them to seek help from trained persons, volunteers or professionals. If you can, find and give them a number or numbers to call. Usually a clear intent to harm themselves or others will guarantee voluntary hospitalization until they are safe. Voluntary patients may sign themselves out when they are no longer a danger to themselves or others. (Some countries may have different laws, my comments are based on the US. Shorter hospital stays are encouraged these days. Offer to make the call for them if they seem uncertain, unlikely or unable to do it themselves. If they call themselves, ask them to call back afterward to reassure you that they were able to find help.

4. Try to find out how long it has been since they slept last and how long that was for. Lack of sleep can amplify things out of proportion. If they say they want to sleep after verbalizing their problems to you, it's probably a good thing. See step #5.

5. Get a CLEAR verbal commitment by them to talk to you or meet you at a later date/time. If you are uncertain about their reply, ask them to say "I will talk to you _______ at ________o'clock A.M. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT. If they are reluctant to make this commitment, it is a VERY bad sign. They are at a high risk of imminently carrying out their plan. At this point you may have to act on your own and notify the proper authorities. In many areas, there are trained police or professional health care teams who will respond to the location and provide support/hospitalization.

None of this requires special training. It's really quite easy. The hardest part is not letting your feelings get in the middle. After you are done, if you need to, talk to someone yourself about how you feel. Don't expect the suicidal person to give you that support. Remember, no matter what happens, it was their decision, not yours. You are not responsible for their actions, only your own. If you need help, YOU can call the Suicide Hotline number for assistance/recommendations. You will have tried and given the person another chance which is theirs to take or not. Sometimes even experienced professionals are unable to stop someone intent on suicide.

Way to go Wendy what great clear concise post of what regular people can sometimes do to help. Always try to get the person to get professional help but in the mean time keep them talking being a good listener for that short period can often times make the difference between life and death for a distraught person, The suicide rate is much too high in the community and anything that can be done is a step in the right direction. Personaly I think your reply should be posed somewhere prominent on the site where it cant be missed while not everyone may have the personality or emotional stabilty to put your suggestions to use it's a good guide for everyone I hope ypu dont mind I'm going to make a word doc of it and pass it around to the people I know

I do not mind if you "reprint" it , Keith, that is why it is posted there. That goes for anybody else who wishes to use it with no need to ask. Permission to reprint my list above is hereby given for me. You will have to clear it with Katie Glover, as well, as TrannyWeb may have some reserved rights for website content.

A willing, caring, listening, untrained person, especially another T-Girl, who will be more accepting and not focused on the wrong issue, could make the difference between life and death, as an initial (and perhaps only) contact person.

The first day in an inpatient, locked psychiatric unit, most trainees are afraid they will say the wrong thing and a patient will run and fling themselves out of a "jump proof" window. You quickly learn that you do NOT have this power. Someone you will help will be far more functional than these patients. Consider the alternative to your timely intervention.