That's horrid, Merideth.

I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Kids are pretty resilient and adaptable as long as they're given the chance and the opportunity to ask questions. Not letting you see your child is the worst thing to do. Probably has a million questions etc.

I hate when kids are used as pawns in marriage break-ups etc. I'm seeing it happen with the way a friend's ex is trying to use her daughter. Fortunately he doesn't have custody. Now to get the 3 year old to start calling me Talia...

As your child gets older they will figure things out for themselves. Just be there when there are questions and be clear it's not you that is keeping you apart. One thing I'd be tempted to look into would be counselling of some sort.

(((({{{{[[[[ Hugs ]]]]}}}}))))
Talia

Kids know more about this world than we give them credit for.
Given time & a clue here & there they can come up with the right answers.
Most people would't evan think a child could know about these kind of things.
So for the other girls that think thier kids have no idea, don't be suprised if & when you think it's time they were told they know a lot more than you thought.

Mere I'm sorry it came down on you like this. But know I'm allways here if you need me.
Just let me know what I can do & I'll do it.

How does your ex figure that that is YOUR fault??. Just keep your chin up & i things will sort themselves out i'm sure of it.


Lol xxxxxxxxx
Anna-Marie

Lots of hugs Mere. Obviously a tough situation. Until you talk to your kid you won't really know what is effecting her grades. It could just as easily be your ex bad mouthing you that is causing the problem. There is also your relationship with Josie which could be suggesting to your kid that there is no hope ever of her parents getting back together. Lots of what ifs. Take some time to talk to her, if she knows, she knows. Now tell her what is really going on. You are doing nothing wrong, you are a good person.
More hugs and best wishes,
Marsha

Hang in there Mere...things have a way of working themselves out over time.


Hugs & kisses,

Monika

Mere
Two can play the silent game. Your daughter is reaching an age where she will make her own decisions - it might surprise everyone.
Stay cool.
hugs
Gracie

At eleven you child will be able to tak eon board your need to change..must be getting lots of crap from ex...what is the therapist telling the child? once they get their hooks is they can do as much harm as anything. No access to child via phone or do letters or gifts get 'intercepted'...you look perfectly nice so its not as if your child will run away screaming if you were to meet up?

What about childs aunts/uncles/grans on both sides...they get a chance to put in a good word for you or is everyone reaaly peed off at you and refusing to help you?

So often the ex gets this vindictive...we need laws about it but who could be trusted to make good laws?

Just keep tryin to somehow let the kid know you're still wanting to be her 'parent'
rose

Mere - sounds like progress. I know you wont pressure your daughter. She'll come around. Just be nice, smile a lot and tell some jokes.
hugs
Gracie

I do feel for you and all that you're going through. I can relate alot to it. I have two kids, and have hoped the same kind of thing wouldn't happen to me, as my ex sounds very similar to yours.

My son is now 19, and I came out to him when just after he turned 18 when we had a weekend alone together. Holding out to tell him for a number of years was a challenge. But it turned out for the best. It turns out that he also is trans and didn't really know what was going on either, having dabbled in it when he was young, and he kept it a secret until he told me about it. It was very liberating for both of us!

My daughter turns 17 in a week or so, and I've not yet told her. Yet she spots things that give her clues and now and then she'll say, "Is there something you want to tell me, dad?" It's hard to brush by it all, but I do plan on telling her when she also turns 18.

From the both of them, especially my son, I've learned that their generation (in their part of the country) is growing up not really concerned about crossdressing. Last year my daughter said about half the guys in her school (high school of about 2,000) dress in girl pants and also do other girly things, so the girls overall care little about how guys dress anymore.

All that said it's more important to not give fodder to my ex to try to keep my daughter away from me this last year before she turns 18. So, I find that being not crossdressed when my daughter is around is most important.

One other side issue is that when my father passed away in 2001, we found that he also crossdressed, and I discovered it only a month or so before he passed. I wish I had discovered more about myself and had better thought things out before he passed so I could have asked him more questions. This, coupled with my son's crossdressing (which he did before Emo and crossdressing became popular) showed me that in our family it's genetic.

So for me this is how it's played out so far - it's been a long road for me, and this is only a few highlights. Hopefully for you, Mere, it will turn out as best as can be.

Hugs and best wishes!

I was in chat when you came in having had the bad news and really felt for you.
The simple fact is that across the world we do live in an evolving and more tolerant and understanding society. Thus my mother and sister do not understand nor like what I am,, my ex even less so. Despite this, my two boys 16/13 now, and 3 years in to knowing me as Tina, do happily toerate me and know that they are still loved, and that expressions of love are more easily made now.
All that you can do is let time take its toll and find a way of letting your kids know that your love is unconditional, almost always this is the way a child loves their parent. Negative vibes freom your ex will be seen as that and in the long run will be a noose aroundf her neck and not yours.
Be well sis
Tina x

Mere, I know what you are going through because a similar thing happened after I split with my ex. She told them all about me and tried to use that. It backfired, however, because they really were not interested. All a child needs to know is that they are loved and their relationship with you is unaffected, everything else fits into place around that. I have no doubt that this will work out for both you and your daughter in the long run. There just might be a few issues and some questions to answer until then.

Good luck and best wishes.

Nikki

This is an issue close to my heart at the moment, too. We've been debating when or whether to tell our teenager about his dad's gender issues for a while, but last week had the decision taken out of our hands when the lad arrived home early and caught dad in full girl-mode. He was hugely cool about it at the time, but has been reluctant to talk about it since which worries me a lot as he's normally good at sharing. I hope we've brought him up to be open-minded and respectful of others' individuality, but no way am I underestimating the shock it must have caused him. I'm waiting for the backlash to hit us.

Personally I'm all for being as honest as possible with kids. After all, how many girls here were already wrestling with their gender identity as teens? How badly would we be letting down our son if he had similar issues (or any other issues of personal identity) and we had never given him the full picture? If he thought he was alone, when that was so not the case? Anyway, perhaps the next generation, lovely, tolerant and open as so many of them are, will be the ones to break down the closet door for ever and make the world a more accepting and friendlier place. We live in hope.

Lots of love, Lizzie