Hi Karen,
If she truly is your LIFEMATE, then it is very important that you determine "Karens" status. It sounds like, with a child also involved, Karen may have to take a back seat. Is this something you can live with? The alternative is to let her know about Karen and risk the relationship. One question - With your history, is it possible that she may already suspect? You did give hints of Karen over the last year (at work) and she may have picked up on some of those clues at work?

For me - I've found that suppressing my female side has only worked briefly, and had caused me substantial internal strife and a huge guilt feeling. In addition to suppressing my female side, a unintended side effect was to suppress my full participation in life. I didn't notice it at the time, but when in male mode, I had become more of an observer than a participant. It wasn't until I let Michelle out, that I understood how much I had been observing and not fully participating in life. (But that is just me).

So Karen, I am glad you found someone you truly care for. Just be careful to determine what tradeoffs you can live with. Make sure you can be truthful and open to your new found love, whichever path you take.

Hugz from a TGS Sister,
MichelleLynn

Thats one hell of a decision for you to have to make karen. You obviously think a lot of this girl( as she does you). What i would say is if it feels RIGHT in your head and RIGHT in your heart then take the plunge & go for it.


You'll know inside you if it feels right.


Lol xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Anna-Marie

I have reached an answer. Being Karen is something I'll never stop being.

I can only speak from my two attempts to "Try and be a man".
They didn't work out.
Surrprise surprise!


I think Karen is always going to be there.

Karen,
Gosh, your situation sounds similar to mine until I met my now wife, and she is 13 yrs younger. I had resigned myself to be in a bunch of short relationships. Only god knows for sure how many times I tried to give up on Tammy, only to come back to the same conclusion, she goes with the package.
What I used to do when I dated someone, I would throw out little trick questions just to see what the response would be. If it was negative, then I knew it would be a short affair.
With my wife, I dated her for about a month to see if there was compatibility, then I threw out a little crack about a store that I had gone into, where some people in drag were shopping. Well to my surprise, she told me about a class in collage where everyone had to give a speech about something that they do as a hobby. And this guy came in dressed, and that is what his speech was about, he was transgendered. She said she did not see anything wrong with it and he was a really nice guy. And this was from a women who was raised a fundamental baptist.
Wow, I thought I have a chance.
Well I told her, before this went to far, she did not believe me either ( she thought it was my way to stop dating her ) and wanted to see, now I thought this would be the deal breaker. She had the usual questions, which I answered honestly. And left my apt in a positive mood, I thought, well after she digests this that's it. Again I was surprised when she had more questions, now they were from a therapists that she had gone to see. Well that was 15 yrs ago, and now we have been married for a little over three yrs, but we waited until her kids had gotten older. And yes her kids know about Tammy! There were bumps in the road, but it was worth it. She became one of my biggest advocates for me to be who I am.

Karen, I hope this may help you, I do so know how you feel....life is all about chances and they could very well enhance your true happiness, because...she will know your honest!!!

Good luck Tammy
BTW, I gave you my phone number, I have yours, call me if you have any more questions.

Is a lifetime of loneliness worth it?

Hi Karen,

I won't try to give you advise. (God knows my own history of failed relationships would tell you to do the exact opposite of what I'd advise.) But let me pose a couple of questions to you.

Are you sure she would not accept Karen as a part of the whole you? Going into a relationship starting with less than total honesty doesn't bode well for longevity.

If you try to deny Karen, which I doubt you could ever really do if you are honest with yourself, will you ever be really happy? And you'll probably not make her happy.

The boy is an issue, but one that many girls have successfully dealt with.

I wish you all the best. She sounds like she is really interested in you.

Best,
Mellie

There's a girl at work I like. She's younger than me by almost 20yrs. I think she's really cute. We have a lot of fun just talking together.
They put her on a different shift so we don't work together anymore & I don't get to see her much. She started calling me everyday at break time & I really look forward to it. This could be a lot more if I let it happen. I'm already thinking this can be for a life time.
But I don't know what to do. I would have to give up my TG life.
When she's in my arms it feels warm inside I never want to let go. The feeling goes all the way through me.
I haven't had a real relationship for almost 10yrs. Not because I haven't met any girls. But because I haven't met any I would give up Karen for. The idea of losing her because of being TG sucks.
There's also a 7yr old boy that comes with her. He's a great kid. I'd really like to have a son to take fishing, camping, to ballgames. I would be a good dad to him since I really do like him a lot.
I really do have a lot to think about.

Good for you, girl. How could you not be you? It's near impossible. Like being left-handed and having that arm tied behind you so you had to fumble and pretend to be facile in some other mode that's totally foreign and unnatural to you. Yeah, you could do it, but it wouldn't feel right, would it? So be you. As far as the romantic part of it and when to tell her about you, you, the real you. That is your call, you've always seemed to me from your posts to be an intelligent person, you know best. Let it be and follow your heart.. Best of wishes to you and her. Here's to a happy outcome.<smile>

Hugs...Joni Mari

HiKaren,

This is a difficult situation for you.The first question you have to answer to yourself is,am I a transexual or a transvestite?The reason I say this is because a lot of women will accept being in a relationship with a transvestite male,as some of the others have already mentioned.As long as it is dealt with in a sensitive manner,some women will accept that side of your personality as long as it is not pushed in their faces all the time.But if you intend to transition and live as female,then it will be very difficult for you to expect a woman to start a relationship with you as male,then a few years down the line expect her to accept you as a women.This is a big ask of anyone,and most women cannot deal with it.I think before you start any relationship you need to be honest with yourself about who you are.If you can't be honest with yourself,how can you be honest with others? Please don't think I am judging you in anyway,but you have to be honest with yourself or else people will get hurt.xx