This is what I know for sure: I am a man trapped in a woman's body. But now that I am really thinking about everything, I am faced with this: What is my sexuality? Ididn't think about it at first, until a good guy friend who is gay told me, jokingly, that I would make a hot guy and that he would have to take me out. I thought he was being serious, so I told hime that we would see. Then I realized he was joking, and we started talking about this. I had a boyfriend for 4 years, until I was raped and then molested for 2 years. I stopped dating makes in 2006. But I still find some of them good-looking. I also am strongly attreacted to females. So what am I? I am seeing a woman and she is hinting at rings. I am keeping my distance because I am still looking for so many answers. KI feel like such a freak, and I feel very alone. I love in a small town where gays, etc. are harrassed and such. I am looking at hormones and want to start them, but I am still so lost and afraid. My family is very religious and wouldn't understand. They are trying to make me straight as it is. My Dad's family accepts em as lesbian, but I am not sure about coming out all the way. I told the friend I live with to take her guns out of the house because I often want to kill myself because of all of this. I really don't know what to do, and I don't know where to turn for help. I have no medical insurance, and I was forced to wuit my job because of this. Can anyone out there give me any advice?

Hi Chris, I'm not very good at giving advice, but I found that I couldn't be happy until I began to truly be myself.

I personally don't think sexual orientation is anything for anyone to be concerned about, if you like men and women then just go for whatever you fancy at the time. You're in a relationship now, as long as you love her, I imagine you would be faithful to her. You can probably predict better than anyone how she would react to you wanting to change your gender.

You say right out that you're F2M, you seem to know that's what you are. Do other people know? If not either you need to not hide it or at least find someone who you can talk to about it. It's difficult when you think it will upset your family, but  one or more of them might understand or at least be prepared to try.

Usually, being true to yourself works out for the best.

xx 

Lucy,

My gf knows about everything except the sexuality confusion. She accepts that I want to ave HRT and SRS, and she is very accepting. I would never cheat on her. I've been cheated on way too many times anyways, and I couldn't do that to someone else. My mom and her family would not understand. They are the southern independent fundamnetal blah blah baptsists, and because of that alone I feel like a traitor to God. Even matters of going to church confuse me because I've been raised to hate and judge. My Dad never criticized me for being a lesbian (idk if I am using the right word... I came out as a lesbian 5 years ago.) He just took a littlw while to come around and get used to it. He thinks it is wrong and that God doesn't like it, but he doesn't love me any less, and he is still an amazing father. He is my Hero, really. It would break his heart if I told him. The rest of my Dad's family is fine with me being gay. They know I am very butch, and they have no problem with it. But telling them that I am going to get a sex change and that I am going to change my name and they don't have a granddaughter/niece/female cousin.... my cousin Stephanie is very open-minded and was one of the first to accept me. But I'm not sure if she would understnad. I don't think she would criticize, but she wouldn't understand why I feel the need to change, or why I feel like this. I told two people besides my gf, and one is a friend who also thinks she is TG, the other is my "Aunt" I've known since I was born. Both have been very accepting of it. Where I live it is VERY hard to be myself.I have a 34 D bust so I havcen't mastered binding yet. There are a lot of biggots here so I stay home as much as possible. We are planning on moving at the beginning of next year. I am just... argh

There are so many things that I am still trying to figure out.

I'm not too good with advice either but something I've come to find over the years is that people who have some kind of issue with me best just join the club and get in line with the rest. There are some decisions I must make every now and then where my choice in it is so certain I don't have an ounce of doubt holding me back. Putting everybody else aside, if that's how you feel about getting a full fledged sex change and it's something you've thought about for that long time, there's really no reason not to.

For everyone else one of three things will happen: 1) they will immediately accept the new you for how you are; 2) they won't know  what to feel about it at first but once they get used to it they will be fine; and 3) they can't/won't accept it at all whatsover and pretty much denounce you.

These individuals that fall into #3 are the ones you tell to get in line with rest because they really don't matter if they're going to be that shallow and closed-minded with the real you. It may seem cold at first but not long after you will find yourself surrounded only by those who do care.

That's how I've handled things throughout my own life and it's the advice I'm giving to you. Good luck with whatever way you do go though.

Hello Chris,

I’m no expert, but I would like to help you find some answers, so here goes.

You know for sure that your a man trapped in a woman's body. Hold on to that thought and never doubt it. Other people around you will doubt it for you, thats their problem not yours.

You may be out of the ordinary, but you are deffo not a freak! Never forget that either.

“Southern Independent fundamental blah blah Baptsists”  isn’t good. I know they are your parents but their church will believe they can cure you, and when they realise they cant, they will turn against you, so if moving really is an option then go for it whilst you still have some semblance of a relationship with your family. There is more chance of keeping that going if your free to be yourself away from their religious control.

Judging and hating are not good. Don’t go there, your better than that.

The only being, your being a traitor to, is yourself, if you deny yourself the identity that you know in your heart is you.

Thinking about everything is good, it shows your maturity and intelligence, but don’t worry about everything. You wont have all the answers, you wont even have all the questions yet, so don’t worry. Time will provide them all in the end.

You are a person that is open to the concept of a relationship with another loving person, regardless of gender. That’s good, and quite rare to be honest, so don’t worry about labelling yourself with a sexuality either. Plenty of other people will do that for you too.

Your young and you have a long journey in front of you. Enjoy it and have fun. Everything else will come to you in the end.

Lastly, you are not alone. You have a cute look in your pic, and there are many girls here that would gladly give their testicles to have your 34 D boobs.

You don’t have to do any of this, coz it’s your choice, but do do what ever makes you happy.

Look forward to hearing much more from you too, we need more boys here so pull up a chair and join in.

All the best

Mandy xxx