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Helping children explain TG issues

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  • Hi girls,


    We’re wondering if we can draw upon your knowledge and wisdom in a delicate matter?

    Apparently E-J’s boys aren’t entirely happy with the prospect of my transitioning, and have voiced their concerns with their Gran. Their concern seems to be related to how their friends will react and treat them, once word gets out. To set the scene, one of the boys is just about 17 and the other one is about 14 and a half. Gran has always been a tolerant person when it comes to sex and sexuality, and won’t have bad language in the house, so it’s come as a bit of a shock to hear that she thinks the only solution is that for the sake of the boys, I have to stop transitioning and shouldn’t start till the boys are grown up.

    Neither E-J or me, are thinking about my stopping the transitioning so we are looking at alternative courses of action. What we would like help with is how to prepare the boys with the knowledge and words they need to use to explain what’s going on, without them being ridiculed or laughed at by their friends at school.


    There are some ideas we have so far, like;

    My being a Transsexual was caused by the medication my mum had when she was pregnant with me, so there is a valid medical explanation for the way I am, and that all my life I have felt more female than male, so this is a logical thing to do.

    Its not all that unusual and a number of boys at your school will be on the transgendered spectrum somewhere too, although you may never actually know it.

    It’s also not something to be ashamed about, it’s something to be open about and its something you can talk about, to us or your teachers or indeed your friends. If there is something you want to ask, then please do ask. If there is something your friends want to ask or if they ask you and you don’t know, tell them you will ask one of us and let them know.

    People will always have an opinion about you, regardless of who, or what you are. Sometimes that will be a nice opinion and sometimes it will be a nasty opinion. Nothing you can do will prevent a few nasty people from having nasty opinions about you if that’s what they want to do. If they are so affected by little things in your life, it shows that they are weak and have no life of their own. That’s their problem not yours.

    People that are likely to have a nasty opinion of you are going to do so for any reason, like the colour of your skin, do you wear the latest fashionable clothes, the shoes you have, the car your parents drive, whether you are clean or dirty, the style of your hair, the village you live in, or even the house you live in, so these are people who are not worth bothering with or worrying about. They are not worthy of your friendship and it’s certainly not worth living your life the way that they want you to live it. Your life is your life and you should live it how you want to and be who you want to be, so you can be happy. If anyone is picking on you, or starts picking on you, then tell us so that we can tell the school, who will then stop it from happening.


    We are also thinking about asking the school if they can help. Maybe organise some special assemblies to discuss equality and diversity matters, and I would be more than happy to talk to the students about transgendered matters, and even answer questions afterwards.


    If anyone has any other ideas, we would love to hear them.


    Thanx

    This post was edited by Mandy Watts at June 21, 2011 7:49 PM BST
      June 21, 2011 7:43 PM BST
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  • A very interesting and enlightening topic mandy x.


     


    I like many of the ways you have explained and maybe its all down to how a particular individual can come to terms with something new and "different" to their current understandings.


     


    One way I like to look at things, and I like to look at things in this way because it doesnt just apply to transgendered people...


     


    We live in a free society where everyone enjoys the freedom of self determination and to live in dignity in whatever way they see is right for them. Just because you might not understand why someone lives their life the way they do or even agree with their choices, what right does anyone have to interfer or even try to take away their dignity to enjoy their sense of whats right and their freedom.


     


    For me thats the bottom line, it allows multi cultures and multi religions to co-exist in harmony in an enlightened and civilised society.


     


    Just a way of looking at things and might be another way to explain things for your audience.


     


    I hope my little sentiments helped in some way.


     


    Much love


    Penny


    x

    Just an ordinary girl finding her way in this strange life. - What will it take to get everyone to realise that everyone else is also a human being that deserves just as much respect? - How does someone tell their doctor they have hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia? - When I was a student I specialised in Alcopology. It always starts with Alco and always ends with pology. - Waiter! There's a hare in my rabbit pie!
      June 21, 2011 10:08 PM BST
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  • WOW Penny, I'm liking that Smile


    I'm liking that a lot Tongue out


     


    Thanx

      June 23, 2011 8:00 AM BST
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  • 2

    Hi Mandy

     

     

     

      I'm not clear from what you have written if your mum's medication is what is true for you, or something you are thinking of telling the boys as a way of explaining, but it isn;t true.  I'd only use it if it is true.

     

     

     

    Most of your other logic is really good, and in places, quite inspired in places.  

     

     

     

     If the boys main concern is what their friends think, then the first think is....  maybe your friends will surprise you, or maybe they just won't care. I don't remember being particularly bothered by the lives of the parents of my friends.

     

     

     

      If the father of a friend of mine did something I disapproved of (bearing in mind that , of course, I don't disappove of TGism), like maybe having his hand in the till at work, then I wouldn't think this reflected on my friend.

     

     

     

    Correct me if I'm wrong, but you are not the natural father of the boys, but the partner of their mother, so that you are one degree even furtehr away of your lifestyle reflecting on them.

     

     

     

    Now all of this might look like I'm 'excusing'the worst reactions you might get from the boy's peers; Thats not my intention at all; Just reassuring them that they should, at worst, be able to shrug off any unpleasantness.

     

     

     

    Are the boys, friend worries aside, accepting of you? If they are, then by showing their peers that while events are outside their control, they accept and support, they may win more friends than they lose by showing such strength. 

    This post was edited by Pip X at June 26, 2011 9:07 PM BST
      June 26, 2011 9:07 PM BST
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  • Hello Pip,


    Welcome to the G.S. and thanx for the reply.


    Mums medication is true and not a convenient excuse, although it does make for a convenient excuse LOL.  I’m not the natural father to the boys, and we think that could be part of the reason behind the resistance. Their father has huge issues with just about everything, including me. He has also posted hate and discrimination on both the boys facebook pages too. We think the problem generally is one of confusion, but for different reasons in both boys and obviously their Fathers actions are not at all helpful.


    We think that most of the resistance may be coming from the oldest boy as he has a greater self image, so what his friends think is that much more important to him. When “Gran” suggested counselling for them, we realised that that would be great idea as they do have many issues to deal with, not just with me, so that should help them on many levels.  


    Its still complicated tho, of course.

      June 27, 2011 7:56 AM BST
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  • It's tough, I too have a 12 yr old son who is not dealing with my transition well. I tell the adults , "I am who I are "............ ellen

    Liberalism , a desease - E Shaver
      July 2, 2011 1:53 AM BST
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  • I wish I could help. I do think that the biggest step is to get the boys in counciling. Making sure that the school has anti discrimination information/training is another good idea. Because the natural father is feeding the boys this hate it's going to make it hard to correct it.


    I do think it's sad that situations like this should be a concern. Hopefully if we teach our children to be understanding maybe down the road this will nolonger be a concern.


     


    @ Penny I really like theway that you look at the world.


     


    As for me personally I'm hoping since my daughter is only two she won't have to much of an issue with what people think. As far as she knows at this point nothing is unusal about me because I've been dressing in femme around the housesince she was born.


     

      July 3, 2011 6:03 PM BST
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  • when i came out 2 years ago the first thing me and my wife did was create an information cd-rom for the school that my doughter goes to and aranged to have meatings with with the right members of staff, (school counciler, head of year, and one or 2 other important other people).
    most of the info was gatherd from the gires site as pdf files and links lots of nhs stuff and anti bulling stuff.


     


    the worst thing you can do is to make it public knowlage by doing some kind of asembly thing as this will single your children out in the school as targets.


     


    (i do go down to the school 'dressed' and my my kids have never had any proplems from it yet)


     


    as for the medication during pregnacy, i persnaly think that you will be better of by just accepting 'yourself' and not using the medication story. itt will most probably make you look a bit 'stronger to the boys and not looking for an excuse you being strong on the outside is going to be important to thier self image.


     


    with girls thier outlook on life is easyer as far as i can tell when a parent transitions, but for a teenage boy its a bit different thier losing the male role model in thier life and it gets a bit confusing for them even if you are thier step parent, your the main role model in thier lives at the moment,


     


    as for real dad...


    he's more than likely just looking for ammo aginst you as a step parent as well as a transexual


     


    iv been through the step parent thing as well, my daughter hasent told her real dad because everyone is happy at the moment and we dont think hes ready to know yet. whe she feels ready to tell and me and her mom agree she can talk to him about it.


     


    as for you sons friend unless they have already verbaly said to you about not liking what you are commenting you will more than likly find that the dont really care that much, or will be full of curious questions.


     


    when i went to CX and the doctorss in all the meetings now and future...


    until the final surgery iv got the enough will power to walk away from this and put my kids first

      July 3, 2011 10:36 PM BST
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