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What are your goals when cross dressing?

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    I am not trying to embarrass or upset anyone, but I sometimes wonder.

     

    My question is…. What do I/you really want out of cross-dressing?    First of all I believe we all love dressing or we wouldn’t belong t this site.  Many of use have a very strong desire to blend into society and to be able to pass as a woman.    For me the feeling of exhilaration knowing that I can pass and to be apart of the sisterhood of femininity is beyond explanation.  At times however I am so frightened that I will be found out that I don’t go out very often.  Some of us have different goals, dressing for sex, dressing because we want to transition, don’t get me wrong none of these are bad things it’s just that I sometimes question the timing and location some choose to express themselves.   Let me tell you this little story; 

     

    My GG friend has recently encountered a CDr in her community that was so badly dressed and poorly groomed that she was receives horrible comments and the scorn of the community.  She doesn’t seem to mind and maybe she somehow enjoys the attention.  Her continual visits to the public library have set a very poor example of our community.  I know that she doesn’t represent the truly wonderful community of cross-dressers.   I would like to help this person but she lives in a different community several miles away and I don’t know how to reach her.   However, I do wonder sometimes if any of us can really set a good example so that the general public can accept us.  I think we can only do our best    

     

    Most larger communities have excellent support groups that offer wonderful support meetings, activities and events that a CDr can go to that is safe and somewhat private venue where a CDr can go to be free of fear and ridicule. 

     

    The question is asked because I have seen so many that are out in public that can not pass and give the transgender community a bad name and acquiring the hatred of the community at large.   I keep reading the horror stories about CDs that have been beaten and/or murdered    I do care deeply about all our sisters. So…..

     

    How can we help those who need our help or do we just shun them as the rest of community does?  Of course not, I will always extend a helping hand to anyone who needs or wants it.

     

    Shirley

      June 30, 2011 5:29 PM BST
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  • I've seen many "GG's" (ovarians) that are "Butt-ugly" as well.... and look out of place in any gender. When you succeed in your heart - you succeed in life.


    "The vagabond who's rapping at your door. Is standing in the clothes that you once wore."

    <p>Doanna Highland</p>
      June 30, 2011 5:42 PM BST
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  • Well said, Thank you,


    Shirley

      June 30, 2011 5:48 PM BST
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  • My first reaction to this thread was, damn right - I've been embarassed more times than I'd like to remember by a slovenly TV, ill-dressed, badly made-up, wearing slutty clothes and more often than not drunk, while I was trying to not call attention to myself.


    But then I'm sure there have been those who probably thought the same about me (though slutty clothes were never my thing.) Dressing, make-up and feminine deportment are learned skills even for GGs. We tend to begin that learning curve later in our lives, and let's be honest, not all of us have bodies that are easily feminized.


    We don't have to suffer the real fools gladly, but don't condemn those who are trying. Help them as sisters.

    <p><span style="color: #800080;">Girls will be boys and boys will be girls It's a mixed up muddled up shook up world except for Lola Lo-lo-lo-lo Lola</span> - Ray Davies, The Kinks</p> <p><span style="color: #3366ff;">(S)he's a walking contradiction, partly truth and partly fiction</span> - Kris Kristofferson</p>
      June 30, 2011 7:40 PM BST
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  • My goal is just to try and look as pretty and feminine, at least in my own mind, as possible!

      June 30, 2011 8:58 PM BST
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  • "However, I do wonder sometimes if any of us can really set a good example so that the general public can accept us."

    Speaking personally; yes, we can.

    xx

    This post was edited by Lucy Diamond at June 30, 2011 11:50 PM BST
      June 30, 2011 11:48 PM BST
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  • Maybe there is a place for those who challenge the traditional.  Maybe we need these that defy the norm to shake up sociaty just a little bit.  After all they have the right at least in my country any way.  Freedom to express ones own thoughts and ideas and to present them self as they like.   God bless them and yes if they want help lets reach out to our sisters that ask for it, if not, give em hell ladies. 

      July 1, 2011 12:09 AM BST
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  • To be able to go out fully dressed as the woman I have always been inside and just go about my normal daily routine and be accepted as such.  To live full time as a woman is a dream I've had since I was a little girl.  To put the nightmare of trying to be a "man" where it belongs. I want to be myself.  I want to be a woman.

      July 1, 2011 4:42 AM BST
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  • Simply to look as female as possible.....not for others but for me. Want my ouytward appearance to reflect just how feminine i feel inside.....and just be accepted by others around me for who I am. love amy x

      July 1, 2011 8:55 AM BST
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  • Janis, you certainly appear to have suceeded!


    Hugs!

    <p>Doanna Highland</p>
      July 1, 2011 5:27 PM BST
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  • Shirley said 


    "My GG friend has recently encountered a CDr in her community that was so badly dressed and poorly groomed that she was receives horrible comments and the scorn of the community.  She doesn’t seem to mind and maybe she somehow enjoys the attention.  Her continual visits to the public library have set a very poor example of our community.  I know that she doesn’t represent the truly wonderful community of cross-dressers.   I would like to help this person but she lives in a different community several miles away and I don’t know how to reach her.   However, I do wonder sometimes if any of us can really set a good example so that the general public can accept us.  I think we can only do our best"


     


    The following comments are not meant to sound harsh on you Shirley!!!!


    This CD may very well be happy as and where they are at the moment. Best not to judge without getting to know the person first!


     


    I know this as I have made that mistake!!!!!! 


    We first met in a bloody good LGBT friendly pub in Bedford (The Barley Mow!!!!!!  Its great!!!!!!!!   :D )


    She was dressed in a totally outrageous way, the figure hugging top that did nothing for her. I finally got to speak to her and mentioned her attire and that it dint flatter her figure.


    Turns out that its all done in the name of "Charity work". Just a bit of "fun".


    But after being friends for 3 yrs now, its alot more than that. There is a need to CD, but he will only admit to doing it for charity (Friends of Bedford Hospital and Sue Ryder). But there is alot more to it than that. He has lots and lots of other problems in his life that he has to deal with :(  so being Trans is another complication that he is unwilling to address



    E-J XX
      July 1, 2011 7:41 PM BST
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  • Doanna Highland said:

    Janis, you certainly appear to have suceeded!




    Hugs!


     


    Thankyou Donna.


      July 1, 2011 7:49 PM BST
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  • Years ago, when I may have been considered a C D , I always studied what to wear , even if it were a casual outting . I do so today . I study real women I see in my city as sucessful , not only in theiir profession , but in being sucessful as well dressed ladies . Just slamming on something even to visit a Grocery store is demeaning , at least to me . ellen

    Liberalism , a desease - E Shaver
      July 2, 2011 1:39 AM BST
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    When I dress I want to look age appropriate, pretty, smart, stylish, sexy, and as passable as possible. Given my height, I don't believe I ever can be, but I still want to get as close as I can. I've got a lot to learn as I try to develop my feminine self. I really wanna know what being accepted as female feels like. That's why wanting to pass is so important to me. I hate the "guy in a dress" look and appreciate girls who put the effort into looking their best. It is girls who feel the same way that I am most comfortable spending time with and being around, especially in public. At the same time though, I find some of the undertones here a little harsh and judgemental. We of all people should realize the importance of accepting all as they see fit to express themselves. The way others present may not be for you or I, but we must be wary of judging others. The way they look might not always be something they need or want help with. This post was edited by M G at April 24, 2014 6:47 PM BST
      March 29, 2014 6:16 PM GMT
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  • I have done slutty, outrageous,    overdone the makeup, just like the ovarian women mentioned in a previous post.

    Especially in my formative years, seeking attention and recognition.   Don't be so quick to judge.   Yes perhaps some will feel that some of us are letting others down.   Drawing attention to a negative aspect of transexuals behavour..

     

     

    Some things, I won't go into, that I regret doing, not because of any guilt over letting the side down, but the upset and heartache caused to the people I love and the repercussions it might have on a new career I have chosen for myself, to help and put something back for other people like myself. 

     

    I lead a very hedonistic lifestyle, earned mega bucks and bloody enjoyed it at the time, now I'm paying for it with my health.   Would I do it again? probably, if we knew then what we know now, we might not do a lot of things, but there again, I'm getting over  my current problems, so with that in mind, it would probably be I got around that problem, so yes....hind sight is a wonderful thing....

    Cristine Jennifer Shye.  B/L.  B/Acc
      March 30, 2014 4:45 PM BST
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  • Oh dear that seemed to have killed of the ideals of the thread.

    Cristine Jennifer Shye.  B/L.  B/Acc
      April 24, 2014 12:20 AM BST
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  • Shirley, you said " I have seen so many that are out in public that can not pass and give the transgender community a bad name and acquiring the hatred of the community at large. "

     

    Are you seriously suggesting that someone who does not pass or meet your standards should be made to hide away so as not to upset the population at large?

     

    For me, if I am out dressed, I 'pass' most off the time.  Sometimes not - but not from the lack of trying.  It is just a fact of life, and those who do not like it can move on.

     

    As for you, Cristine, your are much more of a woman than some of the "ovarian" (don't like that term really, but just my prejudice) that I have met.

      April 24, 2014 11:11 AM BST
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    "...Freedom to express ones own thoughts and ideas and to present them self as they like. God bless them and yes if they want help lets reach out to our sisters that ask for it, if not, give em hell ladies."
    Forgive me if I'm misunderstanding something, but could two more contradictory statements ever exist one right after another?
    Further, there's no reason for feelings of "guilt by association" ...that is to say that just because someone else presents in a particular way, doesn't mean we should all be seen the same way or feel any obligation to "fix" said individual. The trans community has much to fight for, but singling people out for their differences is probably not the way to do it. There are people from all communities who "don't fit" for any number of different reasons. I think that what the world needs is acceptance for all, to live as they see fit so long as they aren't hurting anyone else. I agree that those who want help should receive it, but for those who don't want it or need it...give them hell because they are different? Or because they have personal challenges we don't understand? Or because they do their best to pass but can't? Trans people don't have a monopoly on dressing inappropriately either. People from all communities are quite capable of that.

    As someone else said, this is not to be taken harshly, just as a healthy discussion of the issues. This post was edited by M G at April 24, 2014 6:38 PM BST
      April 24, 2014 4:32 PM BST
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    Lucy Diamond quoted:

    "However, I do wonder sometimes if any of us can really set a good example so that the general public can accept us."

    ...and said:

    Speaking personally; yes, we can.

    xx


    I couldn't agree more with Lucy. How could you wonder if any of us can set a good example? Of course we can! : ) This post was edited by M G at April 24, 2014 5:12 PM BST
      April 24, 2014 4:36 PM BST
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    I've seen first hand the ugliness that arises when those who can pass (or think they can) start passing judgment on those who can't.

    People who are "just" crossdressers and can't pass or don't seek to should still be free to express themselves as they see fit, without feeling like freaks who need to confine themselves to the privacy of their own homes. This post was edited by M G at April 24, 2014 7:07 PM BST
      April 24, 2014 6:39 PM BST
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    Staying right on topic, to answer the question and further my original reply...
    A really good way to explain my goal in "crossdressing" comes from the issue I have with the crossdresser label, as it pertains to me or anyone else who feels similar. When I dress it's more about trying to align how I look on the outside with how I feel on the inside. It's not trying to cross anything, which seems to imply something is wrong and serves as a reminder that I'm not a genetic female, as if I needed one.

    One more thing: Crissie, from what I can see, you are a shining example of what is right and good within our community, and a great example : )

    Okay, have I said enough here? Gee, I think so...it's someone else's turn! : ) This post was edited by M G at April 24, 2014 9:08 PM BST
      April 24, 2014 7:04 PM BST
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    (edit: posts have been completely removed from between this one and my last..."Nope, it isn't" was in reference to those now missing posts)

    Nope, it isn't. But it need not set a bad example. Why must we all be painted with the same brush any more or any less than others in society as a whole?

    Why not be proud of who you are, and when ready, present yourself proudly? If you fear that others set a bad example, it is in large part because they are the most visible. If the rest of us were to come out of our hiding places and be more visible, then that would be the prevailing image we would present. This post was edited by M G at April 25, 2014 10:00 AM BST
      April 24, 2014 7:23 PM BST
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  • EDIT: As I deleted my original post I will attempt to remember what I posted. I do believe I started it with . I will not pretend to understand the mind of a cross dresser as I am Transexual , I only understand how I feel inside. I admire or have admired some cross dressers and TVs in my life.

    Have I cross dressed? Of course I have I was born in a male body. In my early years I had no choice but to cross dress as I did not fit in.

    I did say in my post this is all about acceptance. I do understand some cannot find that but this is 2014. To gain acceptance is more than just putting on a dress and go. I have come accross trans girls who make no effort to fit in , that is how to gain acceptance "by fitting in". It is not just about the way you dress either that is just part of it. If anyone is going to dress as a woman then act in the manner of a man you will stick out , if you cannot walk in heels then don't do it in public untill you can. Make up! It needs to be used in moderation , going over the top in public will again make you stick out.

     

    Gaining acceptance was in one way easy for me because of my open personality but I have faced severe transphobia from just 2 people in 8 or more years I have stopped counting.

    I believe I also posted that females do come in all shapes and sizes , personally I am now like a stick insect and envied by some genetic females but I have been seriously overweight in the past and now seriously underweight , that is not to be envied.

     

    Now the part about the person living 11 miles from me who discribes themself as Transgender. I deleted the images and should have never posted them. He was exposing himself in public places and I did not post the bad images , I only saved those images for the police. I did say that is why I dislike the word Transgender , it puts myself and others under the same umbrella. As that person discribed themself as Transgender I stated I am not equal to a sexual deviant like him.

     

    As the rest comes back to me I will add it.

    This post was edited by Former Member at April 27, 2014 8:49 AM BST
      April 24, 2014 7:36 PM BST
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  • Madeleine, bless, I'm not here to be a shining example and hope I do not influence people, to be like me.    I have done things that would make the unholy cringe.    If someone is in trouble, needs help or support thats me.    I have worked alongside some of the most stunning transexuals, in my previous ''erm'' career. so full of themselves, get a couple together and they share a brain cell, judgemental and obnoxious people.    The rule on this site, is everyone is equal, people who think otherwise, need'nt bother, and I have had quite a few confrontations about attitudes on here.   It is very difficult for me, people will say ''its OK for you'' meaning me) when I put forward theories.

     

    I take people for who they are not what they are,    everyone must find peace and contenment within themselves to be who they are.    And should not be judged if they can't or don't want to go the whole hog.

    Cristine Jennifer Shye.  B/L.  B/Acc
      April 24, 2014 8:04 PM BST
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    What matters is who you are now Crissie, with or without your past.
      April 24, 2014 8:25 PM BST
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