I am not trying to embarrass or upset anyone, but I sometimes wonder.
My question is…. What do I/you really want out of cross-dressing? First of all I believe we all love dressing or we wouldn’t belong t this site. Many of use have a very strong desire to blend into society and to be able to pass as a woman. For me the feeling of exhilaration knowing that I can pass and to be apart of the sisterhood of femininity is beyond explanation. At times however I am so frightened that I will be found out that I don’t go out very often. Some of us have different goals, dressing for sex, dressing because we want to transition, don’t get me wrong none of these are bad things it’s just that I sometimes question the timing and location some choose to express themselves. Let me tell you this little story;
My GG friend has recently encountered a CDr in her community that was so badly dressed and poorly groomed that she was receives horrible comments and the scorn of the community. She doesn’t seem to mind and maybe she somehow enjoys the attention. Her continual visits to the public library have set a very poor example of our community. I know that she doesn’t represent the truly wonderful community of cross-dressers. I would like to help this person but she lives in a different community several miles away and I don’t know how to reach her. However, I do wonder sometimes if any of us can really set a good example so that the general public can accept us. I think we can only do our best
Most larger communities have excellent support groups that offer wonderful support meetings, activities and events that a CDr can go to that is safe and somewhat private venue where a CDr can go to be free of fear and ridicule.
The question is asked because I have seen so many that are out in public that can not pass and give the transgender community a bad name and acquiring the hatred of the community at large. I keep reading the horror stories about CDs that have been beaten and/or murdered I do care deeply about all our sisters. So…..
How can we help those who need our help or do we just shun them as the rest of community does? Of course not, I will always extend a helping hand to anyone who needs or wants it.
Shirley
I've seen many "GG's" (ovarians) that are "Butt-ugly" as well.... and look out of place in any gender. When you succeed in your heart - you succeed in life.
"The vagabond who's rapping at your door. Is standing in the clothes that you once wore."
Well said, Thank you,
Shirley
My first reaction to this thread was, damn right - I've been embarassed more times than I'd like to remember by a slovenly TV, ill-dressed, badly made-up, wearing slutty clothes and more often than not drunk, while I was trying to not call attention to myself.
But then I'm sure there have been those who probably thought the same about me (though slutty clothes were never my thing.) Dressing, make-up and feminine deportment are learned skills even for GGs. We tend to begin that learning curve later in our lives, and let's be honest, not all of us have bodies that are easily feminized.
We don't have to suffer the real fools gladly, but don't condemn those who are trying. Help them as sisters.
My goal is just to try and look as pretty and feminine, at least in my own mind, as possible!
"However, I do wonder sometimes if any of us can really set a good example so that the general public can accept us."
Speaking personally; yes, we can.
xx
This post was edited by Lucy Diamond at June 30, 2011 11:50 PM BSTMaybe there is a place for those who challenge the traditional. Maybe we need these that defy the norm to shake up sociaty just a little bit. After all they have the right at least in my country any way. Freedom to express ones own thoughts and ideas and to present them self as they like. God bless them and yes if they want help lets reach out to our sisters that ask for it, if not, give em hell ladies.
To be able to go out fully dressed as the woman I have always been inside and just go about my normal daily routine and be accepted as such. To live full time as a woman is a dream I've had since I was a little girl. To put the nightmare of trying to be a "man" where it belongs. I want to be myself. I want to be a woman.
Simply to look as female as possible.....not for others but for me. Want my ouytward appearance to reflect just how feminine i feel inside.....and just be accepted by others around me for who I am. love amy x
Janis, you certainly appear to have suceeded!
Hugs!
Shirley said
"My GG friend has recently encountered a CDr in her community that was so badly dressed and poorly groomed that she was receives horrible comments and the scorn of the community. She doesn’t seem to mind and maybe she somehow enjoys the attention. Her continual visits to the public library have set a very poor example of our community. I know that she doesn’t represent the truly wonderful community of cross-dressers. I would like to help this person but she lives in a different community several miles away and I don’t know how to reach her. However, I do wonder sometimes if any of us can really set a good example so that the general public can accept us. I think we can only do our best"
The following comments are not meant to sound harsh on you Shirley!!!!
This CD may very well be happy as and where they are at the moment. Best not to judge without getting to know the person first!
I know this as I have made that mistake!!!!!!
We first met in a bloody good LGBT friendly pub in Bedford (The Barley Mow!!!!!! Its great!!!!!!!! :D )
She was dressed in a totally outrageous way, the figure hugging top that did nothing for her. I finally got to speak to her and mentioned her attire and that it dint flatter her figure.
Turns out that its all done in the name of "Charity work". Just a bit of "fun".
But after being friends for 3 yrs now, its alot more than that. There is a need to CD, but he will only admit to doing it for charity (Friends of Bedford Hospital and Sue Ryder). But there is alot more to it than that. He has lots and lots of other problems in his life that he has to deal with :( so being Trans is another complication that he is unwilling to address
Doanna Highland said:
Janis, you certainly appear to have suceeded!
Hugs!
Thankyou Donna.
Years ago, when I may have been considered a C D , I always studied what to wear , even if it were a casual outting . I do so today . I study real women I see in my city as sucessful , not only in theiir profession , but in being sucessful as well dressed ladies . Just slamming on something even to visit a Grocery store is demeaning , at least to me . ellen
I have done slutty, outrageous, overdone the makeup, just like the ovarian women mentioned in a previous post.
Especially in my formative years, seeking attention and recognition. Don't be so quick to judge. Yes perhaps some will feel that some of us are letting others down. Drawing attention to a negative aspect of transexuals behavour..
Some things, I won't go into, that I regret doing, not because of any guilt over letting the side down, but the upset and heartache caused to the people I love and the repercussions it might have on a new career I have chosen for myself, to help and put something back for other people like myself.
I lead a very hedonistic lifestyle, earned mega bucks and bloody enjoyed it at the time, now I'm paying for it with my health. Would I do it again? probably, if we knew then what we know now, we might not do a lot of things, but there again, I'm getting over my current problems, so with that in mind, it would probably be I got around that problem, so yes....hind sight is a wonderful thing....
Oh dear that seemed to have killed of the ideals of the thread.
Shirley, you said " I have seen so many that are out in public that can not pass and give the transgender community a bad name and acquiring the hatred of the community at large. "
Are you seriously suggesting that someone who does not pass or meet your standards should be made to hide away so as not to upset the population at large?
For me, if I am out dressed, I 'pass' most off the time. Sometimes not - but not from the lack of trying. It is just a fact of life, and those who do not like it can move on.
As for you, Cristine, your are much more of a woman than some of the "ovarian" (don't like that term really, but just my prejudice) that I have met.
Lucy Diamond quoted:"However, I do wonder sometimes if any of us can really set a good example so that the general public can accept us."
...and said:Speaking personally; yes, we can.
xx
EDIT: As I deleted my original post I will attempt to remember what I posted. I do believe I started it with . I will not pretend to understand the mind of a cross dresser as I am Transexual , I only understand how I feel inside. I admire or have admired some cross dressers and TVs in my life.
Have I cross dressed? Of course I have I was born in a male body. In my early years I had no choice but to cross dress as I did not fit in.
I did say in my post this is all about acceptance. I do understand some cannot find that but this is 2014. To gain acceptance is more than just putting on a dress and go. I have come accross trans girls who make no effort to fit in , that is how to gain acceptance "by fitting in". It is not just about the way you dress either that is just part of it. If anyone is going to dress as a woman then act in the manner of a man you will stick out , if you cannot walk in heels then don't do it in public untill you can. Make up! It needs to be used in moderation , going over the top in public will again make you stick out.
Gaining acceptance was in one way easy for me because of my open personality but I have faced severe transphobia from just 2 people in 8 or more years I have stopped counting.
I believe I also posted that females do come in all shapes and sizes , personally I am now like a stick insect and envied by some genetic females but I have been seriously overweight in the past and now seriously underweight , that is not to be envied.
Now the part about the person living 11 miles from me who discribes themself as Transgender. I deleted the images and should have never posted them. He was exposing himself in public places and I did not post the bad images , I only saved those images for the police. I did say that is why I dislike the word Transgender , it puts myself and others under the same umbrella. As that person discribed themself as Transgender I stated I am not equal to a sexual deviant like him.
As the rest comes back to me I will add it.
Madeleine, bless, I'm not here to be a shining example and hope I do not influence people, to be like me. I have done things that would make the unholy cringe. If someone is in trouble, needs help or support thats me. I have worked alongside some of the most stunning transexuals, in my previous ''erm'' career. so full of themselves, get a couple together and they share a brain cell, judgemental and obnoxious people. The rule on this site, is everyone is equal, people who think otherwise, need'nt bother, and I have had quite a few confrontations about attitudes on here. It is very difficult for me, people will say ''its OK for you'' meaning me) when I put forward theories.
I take people for who they are not what they are, everyone must find peace and contenment within themselves to be who they are. And should not be judged if they can't or don't want to go the whole hog.