I work in an office area where there are alot of darling women working next to me.  It is open to the public so the women dress nicely in professional attire.  When they are talking I can hear all of their conversations and often include me in the general topics.  Often they talk about fshion and shoes which I enjoy listening to.   Yesterday they started talking about several different people who have come into the office that where (in their words) attempting to be the opposite sex but didn't do a very good job of it.   I felt sick inside as I wanted so much to be apart of the conversation and hopefully help educate them.  I coudn't say anything because I was afraid of being found out and loosing my job.  I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs "I am transgendered too"  but didn't.  I felt like I was stabbing all my darling sisters in the back.    Oh god I was so sick about not being able to talk to them about our lives in the LBGT world and how badly we were so misunderstood.   I hate not being able dress when ever I want and to have to go to work wearing my false face and wrong clothes being on the other side of the fence.  

 

Have any of you girls experienced the same thing and how did you deal with it?

Love,

Shirley

Shirley,

 

I've had a few occasions that I remember where I experienced something similar.

The first was just after I left university and had started work in an office with a mixture of graduates and more experienced software developers. On one occasion something must have been in the papers because there was a discussion about crossdressing. I had to listen to everyone sitting there and talking absolute rubbish while wanting to tell them that they didn't know what they were talking about unless they'd experienced things for themselves.

Another occasion I was part of a group that were discussing a colleague, just after he, myself, another guy and a couple of girls had been to see the Rocky Horror Picture Show and had gone in costume. The discussion centered around whether this colleague enjoyed wearing stockings more often that when going to a show. All I could do was simply smile as I thought to myself that they were talking about the wrong person.

The last time I experienced something like that was about 12 years ago when someone at work announced that they were transitioning. Most of the company knew who they were. At the time the company was spread over several offices and the very first time that she walked into our building everybody was staring while trying not to. As soon as she'd left the comments started about what she'd looked like and what she was wearing (a blouse and shortish skirt suit as I recall). There were lots of comments and jokes being made. I simply sat there wanting tell everybody that they should grow up because they didn't know what it was like being transgendered but again I kept quiet because I wasn't out to people I worked with. I do have to admit that her outfit was a bad choice as the women I work with don't tend to wear skirt suits normally so she did stick out like a sore thumb.

I understand what you mean... and how you felt. You feel that you want to go home, get all dressed up, and come back to work and show them your true self. But when you just sit there and do nothing, you feel like you are betraying yourself.

I don't have that exact problem Not yeat at least but at home I have that problem if my mom sees a gay or a CD she says "Some one should have shot them when they were pups" I just agree with her. I don't agree with her views at ALL but around her I have to so... I appoligize to ALL my sisters.

This problem isn't anywhere as bad as it used to be for me. I work as a baggage handler at O'hare international in chicago. I work with a lot of men that are all about being real men and for a very long time considered me as such. They never thougth twice about me till one day i showed up to our work bid as myself. I was so tierd of feeling like you did. Hidden in plan sight. While I still dont work as all of me, I am very honest about who I am.

That was brave Kendra!! I  commend you because I personally believe living openly  as you are  and  accepting ourselves completely is the path  for true happiness. For myself, my ultimate goal is to be open with all. That being said it can be tricky when it comes to job security and life stability. I understand the predicament many girls have with this. I guess we all have to decide how far we are willing to expose ourselves/life styles to others. I will say I have been in those type conversations. The gay bashing/laugh at the sissy conversations many times in my life. I used to say nothing. Now I interject. It is a slow evolution to get to a place you are comfortable with and we each can travel this road deciding for ourselves what is ok and not. That being said every time we stand up for our own in public we help each others cause. <3

Thats a very good point Jessica. I have often been aware that the transgendered individuals who have yet to find their confidence in the public world or keep it hidden behind close doors help to reinforce that being transgendered is something to be ashamed of and that it should be kept away from everyday life.

 

Several times I have been accused of being a perverted BDSM fetish sexual deviant, by passing ignorant people. Despite the fact that that is not illegal I have never seen anyone wearing a black PVC all in one chained cat suit and gimp mask holding a leather whip with fitted butt plug walking around the local supermarket.

 

Love

Penny

x

Thank you Jessica, you certainly make a good point that it often is a tricky thing to be so honest. The public is so ignorant as to who we are and how to treat us. Your right Penny they think we're some sort of sexual deviants...although i do own a pair of vinyl boots.....this is truly evident by the fact that my SO was thrown into the deviant box for being in a relationship with me...and it makes me so terribly angry. Her and I know the truth, we try not to let a bunch of bored looky lous get us down.

Well dear girls i did it.  I came out to my wonderful friends at work. I showed them a small picture album of me dressed and they all thought it was wonderful.  We all had a good laugh and one woman in particular could'nt get over how great I looked and wanted to look at my pictures over and over again.  She gave me a big hug and since then I have been invited to small parties at their homes on the condition that I come dressed up.  I have also been included in more girl talk conversations with the ladies.  One lady has asked my opinion on where to buy the best shoes and of course you all know I have strong recomendations on that subject.  Well by for now.  I am feeling great and much releaved.

 

Love always,

 

Shirley 

This post was edited by Shirley Owen at September 30, 2011 4:18 PM BST

Great Shirley I'm gald you in that position hun

I am a little late to this conversation, but...

First, congratulations to you, Shirley. That is an awesome step forward. You last posted about this last September. How have things gone in the ensuing months?

I spent ten years in the U.S. Navy, and I finished up that time teaching a training class to sailors of all levels (enlisted and officer) and genders.

Sailors like to tell tales, and this one guy starting tell us about how, on his ship, they discovered this one guy was a crossdresser. He proceeded to tell how he and group of his friends terrorized this poor kid by taping him/her to a chair, dressed as a girl, and smearing make-up all over her face. I was livid. But, I had to control myself due to my own situation and position. Still, I lit into him with a controlled fury and rage. He was just shocked that I would be offended by the bullying of a "faggot crossdresser." Still, I shut him up and made it clear this type of cruelty was not acceptable in the modern Navy (and this was 20 years ago).

When I got my end-of-class review, he noted that I was too mean and should be nicer to my students. Irony is a nice bit of humor.

How are things going Shirley?
I transitioned at the beginning of this year so everyone I work with has had to get used to the idea of Jenna.
Popped into a local charity shop today that one of the girls from work helps out at and got her advice helping to choose somethings to wear to work. Have been told I have to wear one of the outfits on Monday.