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LITTLE JOHNNY JOKES

  • Cristine Jennifer Shye. BL
    • 2358 posts
    September 22, 2011 2:13 PM BST

    At school one day, Little Johnny's teacher asks the class to use the word "contagious" in a sentence...

    Cindy raises her hand. "Yes, Cindy?" She answers, "I was at the dentist's office with my mom, and she said not to play with the toys in the waiting room because the other kids were contagious."

    "Very good, Cindy!" the teacher said, "Anyone else want to try?" Samantha raises her hand. "Yes, Samantha?" She answers, "My dad tells me not to yawn because then everybody else yawns. He says yawning is contagious."

    "Excellent work, Samantha! Very creative," the teacher praises. "Okay, one more volunteer." Little Johnny raises his hand. "Yes, Johnny?"

    "Well," he says, "I was helping my dad in the yard last week, and we saw the neighbor painting his house. He was using a small brush, so I asked my dad, 'Daddy, why is he using such a small brush?' and he says, 'I don't know son, but it's gonna take that contagious.'"

  • Cristine Jennifer Shye. BL
    • 2358 posts
    September 22, 2011 2:18 PM BST

    Little Johnny rushes home from school. He invades the fridge and is scooping out some cherry vanilla ice cream when his mother enters the kitchen. She says, "Put that away Johnny! You can't have ice cream now. It's too close to supper time. Go outside and play."


    Johnny whimpers and says, "There's no one to play with." Trying to placate him, she says, "OK, I'll play with you. What do you want to play?" He says, "I wanna play Mommie and Daddy."


    Trying not to register surprise, and to further appease him, she says, "Fine, I'll play. What do I do?" Johnny says, "You go up to the bedroom and lie down." Figuring that she can easily control the situation, she goes upstairs.


    Johnny, feeling a bit cocky, swaggers down the hall and opens the utility closet. He dons his father's old fishing hat. As he starts up the stairs he notices a cigarette butt in the ashtray on the end table. He picks it up and slips it in the corner of his mouth. At the top of the stairs he moves to the bedroom doorway.


    His mother raises up and says, "What do I do now?" In a gruff manner, Johnny says, "Get your butt downstairs and get that kid some ice cream!"


  • Doanna Highland
    • 434 posts
    September 23, 2011 4:29 PM BST

    Little Johnny was all dressed up for "dress-up" day at school.


    The Teacher asked a little girl, "what are you supposed to be?" The little girl said, "I'm a Doctor". The Teacher asked her "Where is your nurse?" The little girl answered, "She has gone to lunch."


     Then the Teacher asked Johnny, "What are you supposed to be?" Little Johnny pipes proudly says, "I'm a Pirate." So, the Teacher asked him "Where are your Buccaneers?" Little Johnny looks up at the Teacher with a puzzled expression on his face and says, "Under my buccan hat!