Do I affect you?

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  • I have a personal blog in which I post things about my struggles with being a transgender individual and one post that I’ve thought about; I felt the need to share here at GS also. I hope you enjoy this and I also hope that other members will chime in with their thoughts.

     

    Do I affect you? Does dating a transgendered individual define your sexuality? I have always been a firm believer that you are your own person. For me that even goes so far to say that if you’re a lesbian and dating me as an FTM you are still a lesbian that also goes for straight women as well. However I have been met with many people telling me this thought is impossible. Be that other people in the community, other lesbians, and even FTM/MTF’s.  

    I think that while yes dating an FTM/MTF puts you in a sort of unusual position it should not have any bearing on your label or identity.  However you wish to title that I believe that inside decides who and what you are. I myself only ask for the respect that you see me and respect me as a man. If you enjoy the title of lesbian I will always respect that and I see no reason as to why you should have to label yourself as anything because you are dating me but many do not agree.    

    Am I completely wrong in this? Does dating an FTM or MTF define your sexuality? I would love to hear your views.

      March 20, 2012 7:09 AM GMT
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  • As long as the other person is a Human Being...does it really matter what "sexual orientation" either person has...as long as they are happy..
    Hugs!
    <p>Doanna Highland</p>
      March 20, 2012 2:38 PM GMT
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  • Hello Doanna,

    Normally I would say no it doesn't matter but I've come across so many people that feel like their sexual orientation is all that's important to them so in this one case I guess it does matter?
      March 20, 2012 7:57 PM GMT
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  • but, does it matter to you? That's what counts
    <p>Doanna Highland</p>
      March 21, 2012 2:50 AM GMT
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  • No. No it doesn't really matter to me however I believe that you are missing the point of the post? The point of this is that many people believe that who they date makes them what they are.. I don't believe that it does but I have experienced this. I'm asking if others have also.
      March 21, 2012 4:37 AM GMT
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  • Ok hun, I misunderstood.
    <p>Doanna Highland</p>
      March 22, 2012 2:23 AM GMT
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  • Hey Doanna,

    Sorry it took me a bit to see that you had replied. It's good that you did pose that question to me though. Now looking back I believe I wasn't clear enough in my explaintion so thank you for misunderstanding. Lol.

    In my own opinion I am a very firm believer that it doesn't matter who you date you have whatever sexual oritentation or title that you want to have but in my many years of dating I've never come across someone with that same view. I tend to come across people that think because they are with me that makes them either straight in the case of a lesbian or a lesbian in the case of a straight girl. I feel like this hinders so many people from having a strong relationship. I wish people could just see people for who they are not what they are.

    That's just my two cents. Maybe others do see it differently and I'm just the strange one. Hopefully that clears it up.

      March 23, 2012 12:17 AM GMT
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  • Hey Doanna,

    Sorry it took me a bit to see that you had replied. It's good that you did pose that question to me though. Now looking back I believe I wasn't clear enough in my explaintion so thank you for misunderstanding. Lol.

    In my own opinion I am a very firm believer that it doesn't matter who you date you have whatever sexual oritentation or title that you want to have but in my many years of dating I've never come across someone with that same view. I tend to come across people that think because they are with me that makes them either straight in the case of a lesbian or a lesbian in the case of a straight girl. I feel like this hinders so many people from having a strong relationship. I wish people could just see people for who they are not what they are.

    That's just my two cents. Maybe others do see it differently and I'm just the strange one. Hopefully that clears it up.

      March 23, 2012 12:17 AM GMT
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  • Cole, The English language does not have the words to properly describe transgender relationships because it is designed to deal with ONLY cisgendered relationships. It is like working a night shift that crosses the midnight hour. Terms for time/days fail to work. At 0200, a co-worker asks "are you working tonight?" Do you reply: "What, you think I am standing around here waiting for a bus?" or do you say "If I get some sleep today, I will work tonight". It is very confusing what people mean about time because the terms were developed when people went to bed after sunset and got up at dawn. So you get the issue you mention. Do we call a MtF who likes ggs as sex partners a heterosexual (male) or a lesbian (female). Neither term is correct but we have no new terms to use. Zesbian or Zeterosexual, lol? The question here is not WHAT one is. It is about what TERM accurately and clearly conveys that. As Popeye says: "I yam what I yam".....but that does not make Popeye a yam. 

    "A live lived in fear is a life half-lived." - Native American proverb. "Inside every man is a woman who was drowned in testosterone before birth". - Wendy Jeanette Larsen "It is better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you're not." - Andre Gide (French writer)
    This post was edited by wendy larsen at March 26, 2012 1:11 AM BST
      March 26, 2012 1:08 AM BST
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  • Hey Wendy,

    Maybe we should start throwing out new words to describe it? I'm all for Zeterosexual!! I'll proudly be a zeterosexual.

    Maybe if we take that name and we run with it and we're proud to use it then it could catch on and we could take power over what and who we are.
    Popeye did say I yam what I yam.. So I yam zeterosexual!

    -Just my crazy two cents-
      March 26, 2012 4:15 AM BST
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  • Zeeesh!
    lol
    "A live lived in fear is a life half-lived." - Native American proverb. "Inside every man is a woman who was drowned in testosterone before birth". - Wendy Jeanette Larsen "It is better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you're not." - Andre Gide (French writer)
      March 27, 2012 1:22 AM BST
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  • Aww. At least I made you laugh, Wendy. =P
      March 27, 2012 7:22 AM BST
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  • Aww. At least I made you laugh, Wendy. =P
      March 27, 2012 7:22 AM BST
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  • Hi Cole. I'm slow to respond to your thread but thought I would. I sometimes really hate those labels we have to subscribe to. I figure we are what we are. Being bisexual myself it sure can be confusing at times. Also what do we call the sexuality of two trans people being together. I won't even try and go there. It is what it is I guess. To me sexuality is a fluid thing. I'll leave it up to my partner what to think. As long as they love me long time heheh Hugs xxx
    Jessica Nova
      March 31, 2012 2:44 PM BST
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  • Haha. Hiiiiiiiiiii Jessica! =P Me love you long time.

    And see I completely agree with that but I run into so many people that want to put a label onto everything. And like you said sexuality is fluid.. It doesn't always stay the same thing. Why can't everyone see that? Ughhhhhhhhhhh! Not really frustrated but it can be sometimes.

    That's my two cents.
      March 31, 2012 3:00 PM BST
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  • This for me poses some difficult questions. I have gone to bed with TS but it didn't function very well. Women I have the problem and often take ****** to go with women. I like women very much in their looks and that was making me very confused. It was after a while I reaised I wasn't getting turned on by them sexually but admiring them. I had one live in relationship with a Gay guy but that was hard work and I would be very careful if I was going to do that again. My wife a gg is the most wonderful person I have met but sexually doesn't do it for me yet she's beautiful. Ladyboys I find are the best with a cock. That does it for me. What sexual orientation does that make me or not. I haven't a clue if he/she turns me on I am happy whatever the sex of the person is.
      August 7, 2012 2:23 PM BST
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  • A label is a convenience in communication.

    What matters is what makes you happy.
    "A live lived in fear is a life half-lived." - Native American proverb. "Inside every man is a woman who was drowned in testosterone before birth". - Wendy Jeanette Larsen "It is better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you're not." - Andre Gide (French writer)
      September 15, 2012 1:01 PM BST
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    Hi there. I guess I joined a bit late for you to be watching this post still, but maybe I can give some kind of insight. I am a cisgender male who dated a transgender male a little while ago. I struggled with the issue of my sexuality at the time because I had considered myself to be straight for most of my life (though I always recognized I conceptually had no problem with being intimate with a man, I experienced some shenanigans as a kid that make the male anatomy scare me). I had rationalized while we were together that my feelings for him didn't change my sexuality because of the anatomy I was attracted to. After doing some research into the "social air" we are living in and general views on sexuality (albeit after he and I split up), I discovered that sexual orientation is more commonly referring to the gender one is attracted to, and is not strictly defined by genetalia (I think I am explaining it right). As time has gone on, and acknowledging that I love a man, I am fully open to being gay under those circumstances. I don't have a preference on what to call me, specifically, because there's not really a word for "usually pansexual- so long as a penis isn't involved, I'm okay." You have a good point in noting that what matters is how you perceive yourself. But it is also true that how you perceive yourself can impact those around you. I was afraid of perceiving myself for what I am, to the point where it pushed away someone I care about- it wasn't just my own happiness at stake. It's up to each person to try to figure themselves out. My father told me once that you need to be able to figure yourself out because it helps show you who you are. Once you know who you are, you know better what you want out of life, how to get it, and where your safe spaces (physical and literal) are. I suppose in answer to your first question, “Do I affect you” regarding sexual orientation, the answer is: it depends on who “you” and “I” are, and what circumstances you are functioning under. In a very immediate way, YOU don't affect me at all; I don't know you at all, and you don't know me. I can empathize with certain things about you, and vice versa, but we have a limited basis with which we may influence one another. Having been with a transsexual man, though, made me confront certain things about myself, which I had been afraid of exploring, amongst other things. Ultimately, I think it was a good thing.

    This post was edited by I C at December 21, 2012 6:39 AM GMT
      December 21, 2012 6:35 AM GMT
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  • Hi it should not matter who you date or go out with as they are human as well. I am going out with some one from this site and im very happy as i see her as a woman and not a lable. I think its a shame that society has to put lables on people these days like gay ,straight,lesbian or transgender which i think is totaly wrong.

    We are human beings not to be labled as such.

    Kian
      January 19, 2013 10:16 AM GMT
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  • Moderator
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    I think for some people it does matter. I think it really depends on the person and how they feel. For me I think I would personally have trouble being with someone with a male anatomy. I love the woman anatomy and could be with someone who has that. My gf on the other hand is a pansexual so for her it only matters what a personality is. So I think that it only matters to some.

      May 6, 2013 7:34 PM BST
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