I have a personal blog in which I post things about my struggles with being a transgender individual and one post that I’ve thought about; I felt the need to share here at GS also. I hope you enjoy this and I also hope that other members will chime in with their thoughts.
Do I affect you? Does dating a transgendered individual define your sexuality? I have always been a firm believer that you are your own person. For me that even goes so far to say that if you’re a lesbian and dating me as an FTM you are still a lesbian that also goes for straight women as well. However I have been met with many people telling me this thought is impossible. Be that other people in the community, other lesbians, and even FTM/MTF’s.
I think that while yes dating an FTM/MTF puts you in a sort of unusual position it should not have any bearing on your label or identity. However you wish to title that I believe that inside decides who and what you are. I myself only ask for the respect that you see me and respect me as a man. If you enjoy the title of lesbian I will always respect that and I see no reason as to why you should have to label yourself as anything because you are dating me but many do not agree.
Am I completely wrong in this? Does dating an FTM or MTF define your sexuality? I would love to hear your views.
Cole, The English language does not have the words to properly describe transgender relationships because it is designed to deal with ONLY cisgendered relationships. It is like working a night shift that crosses the midnight hour. Terms for time/days fail to work. At 0200, a co-worker asks "are you working tonight?" Do you reply: "What, you think I am standing around here waiting for a bus?" or do you say "If I get some sleep today, I will work tonight". It is very confusing what people mean about time because the terms were developed when people went to bed after sunset and got up at dawn. So you get the issue you mention. Do we call a MtF who likes ggs as sex partners a heterosexual (male) or a lesbian (female). Neither term is correct but we have no new terms to use. Zesbian or Zeterosexual, lol? The question here is not WHAT one is. It is about what TERM accurately and clearly conveys that. As Popeye says: "I yam what I yam".....but that does not make Popeye a yam.
Hi there. I guess I joined a bit late for you to be watching this post still, but maybe I can give some kind of insight. I am a cisgender male who dated a transgender male a little while ago. I struggled with the issue of my sexuality at the time because I had considered myself to be straight for most of my life (though I always recognized I conceptually had no problem with being intimate with a man, I experienced some shenanigans as a kid that make the male anatomy scare me). I had rationalized while we were together that my feelings for him didn't change my sexuality because of the anatomy I was attracted to. After doing some research into the "social air" we are living in and general views on sexuality (albeit after he and I split up), I discovered that sexual orientation is more commonly referring to the gender one is attracted to, and is not strictly defined by genetalia (I think I am explaining it right). As time has gone on, and acknowledging that I love a man, I am fully open to being gay under those circumstances. I don't have a preference on what to call me, specifically, because there's not really a word for "usually pansexual- so long as a penis isn't involved, I'm okay." You have a good point in noting that what matters is how you perceive yourself. But it is also true that how you perceive yourself can impact those around you. I was afraid of perceiving myself for what I am, to the point where it pushed away someone I care about- it wasn't just my own happiness at stake. It's up to each person to try to figure themselves out. My father told me once that you need to be able to figure yourself out because it helps show you who you are. Once you know who you are, you know better what you want out of life, how to get it, and where your safe spaces (physical and literal) are. I suppose in answer to your first question, “Do I affect you” regarding sexual orientation, the answer is: it depends on who “you” and “I” are, and what circumstances you are functioning under. In a very immediate way, YOU don't affect me at all; I don't know you at all, and you don't know me. I can empathize with certain things about you, and vice versa, but we have a limited basis with which we may influence one another. Having been with a transsexual man, though, made me confront certain things about myself, which I had been afraid of exploring, amongst other things. Ultimately, I think it was a good thing.
This post was edited by I C at December 21, 2012 6:39 AM GMTI think for some people it does matter. I think it really depends on the person and how they feel. For me I think I would personally have trouble being with someone with a male anatomy. I love the woman anatomy and could be with someone who has that. My gf on the other hand is a pansexual so for her it only matters what a personality is. So I think that it only matters to some.