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The Big Question.....

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  • hi everyone, this is the first time ive joined a community like this and so far so good. i guess what made me sign up was the fact that i told my parents yesterday that i may be transexual...

    i have felt this way consistently for 3 years now, and im 18yo. talked to 2 psychologists first, the second of which im still seeing now. but im still unsure if i made the right decision to tell them. As many of you know, this stuff is really hard, especially when considering that im not 100% sure(but fairly...) ive undoubtedly got a love for many things feminine, especially cloathing and shoes(no questions there:0). when i go to bed at night, i like to dream that i am a woman. at 16, i grew my hair long and acted more feminine, but stopped because i was badly bullied. Well before then i used to visit bdsm sites online(forced feminisation etc), because i liked the concept of being 'made to behave like a girl'. id love to hear your thoughts on this,

    xxx Robbie 

      July 18, 2012 6:18 AM BST
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  • Hi Robbie and welcome to the Gender Society.

    Yes, it is very difficult, especially at 18 - but there are considerable benefits to transitioning at a young age - if you are sure that it is the right thing for you and what you want to do with your life.  Hopefully the fact that you are undergoing therapy with a psychologist will help to unravel the turmoil within your mind and allow you to decide with more clarity on the path that you want to take.

    You mentioned coming out to your parents - how did they react to the news that you consider yourself to be transgender???  Were they supportive??
    You might like them to see this video recorded by the mother of a transgender child:-
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lEu01c8_7t8

    Good luck and I hope things work out well for you

    Carol xx

      July 18, 2012 1:22 PM BST
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  • Thanks carol, I'm actually satisfied with the way things turned out. I told my parents that while I'm not completely sure, I've had transgender feelings for a long time. They told me that whatever decisions I made, they'd love me no matter what and this meant a lot to me. Both my parents no little on the subject, which is normal I guess. My dad especially got the wrong idea from it all- I think he thought I wanted to run off and castrate myself the next day or something lol. I hope they'll realise that these paths, whichever one I take, involve time and a lot of deep, personal decisions. Everything is better done with a careful, cautious approach...but I'm still very young, and I'm happy that whoever I decide to be in the future, I'll always have love and support. Btw I watched the video u recommended and thought it was excellent- it really demonstrates the situation of the child well, in relation to their need for acceptance. I also thought the teddy was adorable lol. Xx Robbie
      July 19, 2012 12:17 PM BST
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  • Hi again Robbie,  yes I love my teddie bears too (despite my age) lol.

    I am so pleased that you have parental support, it means a tremendous amount to those of us who are transsexual to have that love and support.  Have you ever heard of the COGNIATI tests??  It might help resolve any doubts you might have.

    http://transsexual.org/cogiati_english.html

      July 19, 2012 5:06 PM BST
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  • Hi carol, I took the test u recommended and it pretty much summed up the 'page I'm on'. I got a grade 4, which means that I may very well be transgender but it's not 100% . I think this is where the majority of diagnosed transsexuals would appear, unless u are one of these rare individuals who realized the second u breathed air lol. For me, gender issues became increasingly apparent as I was going through puberty- things u don't notice as a child, like male facial hair, really freaked me out lol. Something else I have done without realizing is keep my pre- puberty voice, in that I never talked really low like a typical male. Another interesting thing, before I started to question gender, was the comfort I have around other women- all my primary school teachers were chosen to be female, and I seem to make friends with girls more easily than boys. Anyway, when I next see my psychologist I am going to see if I can get a referral to a gender therapist for a gid test or proper diagnosis. Thanks so much for the help carol:). Robbie
      July 20, 2012 12:11 PM BST
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  • You're welcome Robbie - and please remember, we are always here to help you, whether it is just a shoulder to cry on if and when times gets tough, or just a place to share the heights of elation that you will hit along this journey. We even offer advice, help and encouragement when appropriate lol

    Carol xx
      July 30, 2012 4:36 PM BST
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    Hi Robbie, I can only echo what Carol has said. From what you say you seem to have issues around your gender identity. It is vital to realise that your path to being happy with your true self and who you are is your own individual one. Don't make assumptions that you will follow have to do particular things as a result of being transgender. It is all about you.  Well done with telling your parents - I wish I'd done that at your age, good luck with everything and above all if you can embrace your life as a trans person then others will embrace you. Nell xxx

    This post was edited by Nell S at August 15, 2012 6:55 AM BST
      August 15, 2012 6:54 AM BST
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  • Thanks for the support Nell, I'll keep u girls posted on how things turn out:)
      August 19, 2012 10:02 AM BST
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  • Robbie Champion said:
    ............ and I seem to make friends with girls more easily than boys.........

    That is one thing that confuses a lot of people, indeed many parents assume that you will go on to be a real 'ladies man', failing to realise that most boys tend to prefer to play with other boys and vice versa.  It even confuses us when we are younger, I thought my close friendship to other women was normal - but it wasn't a sexual attraction at all, just the very normal close bond that many women share with their female friends and something that doesn't seem to exist between men (or maybe I think it doesn't exist because it never did for me).

      August 20, 2012 7:17 PM BST
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  • Yes carol lol u are exactly right. It was also hard for me because I have gone to an all boys school since kindergarten. The reason for this is because my dad teaches at one of the partner schools so I was a discount lol... As I havnt had much opperstunity to meet girls, I used to play with my sisters friends when they came over(even though my sister hated it and thought I was trying to steal her friends lol). The other time I remember was something called mothers group, where my mum got together with other mums and us kids played- out of the three boys, I was the odd one out- I was far more intelligent, but also kinder, calmer etc.... When they picked on me, I would join my sister and her friends instead... The thing is, that on the whole they still saw and treated me like a boy- in this sense, I was trapped between two sides, and didn't feel completely accepted on either. Luckily 'mothers group' is just a thing of the past now lol:)
      August 21, 2012 10:58 AM BST
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    I think the psychological 'differences' that go with male/female genders are more apparent when we are younger and have not learned when to conform and how to mask our true selves. Other kids do tend to pick up on this and so there is often bullying and at the very least a sense of not belonging which is hurtful. I do hope things go well Robbie.

    Best wishes,

    Nell x
      August 22, 2012 6:52 AM BST
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