I am completely new here so I do not feel as if it is appropriate to post a new topic, but no matter. I need to get a few things off my chest and I'm too frightened to open up to anybody in real life so I decided to turn to the internet and on a site that hopefully is not infected with trolls. 

 

When I was a young boy I cant remember wanting anything more than to be like my two older sisters. They are quite possibly perfect as far fitness and intelligence goes and have been. So I emulated everything they did that my parents would allow me to do (dancing was a right out for a boy).  As I started growing up my dad decided to take charge as the main parent to raise me and the divide between myself and my sisters grew farther and farther. When I was about 12 my parents divorced and my mom took custody of my sisters and myself. Around that time is when things started feeling strange. I began to fantisize about being a woman and how things would have been if I had been a third daughter rather then a son. I explored this possibility until I got into highschool, where i tried to fight off these feelings by acting as masculine as I could be. Try as I might, however, these feeling constantly kept returning and frustrating me. A few months after I turned 18 I felt like the time had come to be honest atleast to myself. I lost alot of weight and discovered how gorgeous some women who were once men could look and now I want that, but I'm too scared to. I'm scared that I'll simply be a man attempting to be a woman. But the more I sit here and look at how beautiful some girls are this depression I've had for years grows deeper and deeper until somedays it's just about crippling. I don't know what I can do. I can't tell any of my friends or I'd have none. I can't tell my family or I would simply be ostracized. But for certain I don't feel like I can keep this to myself anymore.

 

So there, I don't expect anybody to read this much, but if you did, you have my deepest thanks. You truly are some of the strongest people I have ever seen and I have the utmost respect for every transgender and transexual.

Thank you,

Sam 

Hiya Sam,

No need to be afraid,  and yes, it is entirely appropriate that you express your thoughts and feelings in the safe environment of a web site such as this one - those of us who have been through this know all too well the doubts and fears that exist in your mind.  If you are transsexual, then the earlier you transition, the easier it is but what you really need to do is sit down and consider your options and evaluate just what you want.  I know the pressures - I tried to transition way back in 1962 when I was 17, but back then so little was known about it and there simply wasn't the medical help that is available today - nor were there support groups such as this as even the simplest computers (with about as much processing power as a wrist watch) filled whole buildings which had to be kept in clean room conditions - and the internet - that was pure science fiction.

I failed in that transition and went home beaten but at the age of 27 I just could not go on any longer and that is when I first approached somebody about how I felt.

If you have a GP who is understanding, you should approach him and ask if you can see a counsellor who has experience in the field of gender dysphoria and talk to the counsellor about your feeliings.

How do you think your mother would react if you told her about the inner torment you are going through.  Many parents are extremely supportive and the main thing that they want is for their children to be happy.  I organised a web poll recently on the best way to come out to a parent - and although it was a very small sample, it was overwhelmingly clear that the best approach was to explain in a face to face situation.  I suspect this is largely down to the fact that the parent can then obviously see for themselves the hurt and pain that you are feeling and the urge to protect our young comes to the forefront.  There are organistaions which can help your mother to understand your situation and be supportive to her as well.

If you feel that your mother would be understanding, maybe it would be best to confide in her first and then you would have her support in visiting your GP and getting the referral to see the counsellor.  However, be warned, NHS counsellors have a long waiting list - so you might wish to be referred to see a psychiatrist for initial consultation after you have spoken to your GP.  Whatever happens, rest assured that it will be years before you become eligible for Gender Realignment Surgery (GRS - sometimes known as SRS)

Have you tried the COGIATI test for transgenderism???  For your own sake you might like to try it - but no matter what the results are, be guided above all on your own feelings.  The GOGIATI test can be taken by clicking on the link below:-
http://transsexual.org/cogiati_english.html

Good luck love and never be hesitant in asking any questions that you may have, we are all here to help you in any way that we can.

Carol xx

This post was edited by Former Member at August 1, 2012 3:22 PM BST

I sincerely doubt that my mom would be supportive of it. For years it has been her dream that I become the man my dad wasn't. I mean there's a chance she would be supportive, but I'm too afraid of being forced out in the worst case or creating any discomfort between my mom and myself.
I've been looking for counselors or psychiatrists in the area that I live but with no luck so far.

Anyway, thank you for taking the time to reply Carol, it means more to me than I can explain, thank you
Sam <3

Thought I would just check to see how you are feeling now Sam

Carol xx

Thank you, I've been doing well. Been working on my figure a bit and I have my first counselling appointment today so all is going fairly well

Great news Sam - hopefully the counselling will enable you to find out where you're at and make your path ahead more clear to you.

Carol xx

Well, I'm happy to say that for the first time I tried on women's clothing and it felt astoundingI loved every second of it. Thank you so much for giving me the confidence to see a therapist for help about this