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  • Topic: Really Need Advice :(

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    • December 20, 2012 6:36 AM GMT
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      So I'm 18, and have been crossdressing since I was 13. And my feelings have been bewing for about a year now, and I think I need to see a therapist about HRT. But, my parents are conservatice Christians (as am I...), and I know they would never ever support me...but I also know the sooner the better......what can I do? Or, how can I break it to them that their good little Christian boy is really a girl inside?

       

      Thanks y'all.....I'm really depressed about this....

    • December 20, 2012 10:00 AM GMT
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      Hun, Can I suggest you speak to your GP and explain how you feel. The current process is to ask to be referred to the local mental health unit.

      This is not because you have mental problems but as a "sanity check" to ensure you don't :-)

      I know this is difficult but it is really really important that you be honest and open with these people - without this it is almost impossible for them to help you.

      Once they are happy with you and you are feeling string enough (and they can help you overcome the despression and lack of self worth that often comes with gender issues) they can refer you to a gender Identity clinic but you may be expected to ask to be referred!

      Please note that in every step of this process no one will TELL you how to think or behave - and every decision should be yours to make. If you end up with someone who is trying to tell you how to think or push you down a specific life - path then report them - its a violation of the ethical codes.

      Finally, its worth pointing out that you are very young - I transitioned ~20ish but these days the number of options open and accepted by society is much better. Don't assume that it has to be a full transition or nothing. I became Jacqui legally some 30+ years ago but am only finally getting around to a GRC and SRS - take things as slowly as you are comfortable with.

      Regarding your family, mine disowned me to protect my younger sisters but we get on pretty well now. What I am saying badly is

      1) you have to be selfish to survive with gender dsyphoria
      2) You family may not understand or react badly - if need be ask you GP to suggest support groups such as tgpals.org to your parents.

      Good luck in whatever you deicde is best for you.
    • December 20, 2012 2:32 PM GMT
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      Hi Caroline,

      As you are in the States, the manner in which you proceed is slightly different to how it is here in the UK.

      I too tried to transition when I was 17 years old (way back in 1962) as I knew, had known since the age of 5, what I was.  Unfortunately back in those days things were very different and I was not able to carry it through and wasted another 10 years before trying (successfully that time) again.  I have always regretted those lost years.

      There are various organisations in the United States that can help you with advice on how to proceed (and will give you help in coming out to your parents).  These are:-
      Gender Advocates: http://www.genderadvocates.org/Tyra/TYRALinks.html ; A good place for younger users to start. Provides links to numerous youth oriented TG resources
      TheTrevorProject.org: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/ - Suicide prevention helpline for LGBT and questioning youth. Available 24/7.
      Boston Childrens Hospital: Gender Management Services: http://www.childrenshospital.org/clinicalservices/Site2280/mainpageS2280P0.html
      Trans Youth Family Allies (TYFA): http://imatyfa.org/index.html
      Trans*topia:-  http://youthresource.com/living/trans.htm
      A section of Youth Resouce (a project of Advocates for Youth) designed for the needs of trans youth. Includes great articles about being transgender and young... both personal accounts and in depth articles.


      Links for Parents, Families and Social Service Providers

      1. TransFamily - http://www.transfamily.org style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial;">
        TransFamily is a support group for transgendered and transsexual people, their parents, partners, children, other family members, friends, and supportive others. We provide referrals, literature, and over-the-phone information on all transgender issues. Although our meetings are held in Cleveland, Ohio, the Internet has enabled us to extend helping hands to transgendered individuals and their famlies across the globe.

      2. Our Trans Children, A Publication of the Transgender Network of Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG). Third Edition, 2001. Avialable online at: http://www.transproud.com/pdf/transkids.pdf

      3. Why Don't You Tell Them I'm a Boy? Raising a Gender- Nonconforming Child, by Florence Dillon. A mother's experience with raising a transgender (FtM) son. Available online at: http://www.safeschoolscoalition.org/whydontyoutellthem.pdf

      4. Mom I Need To Be a Girl, by Just Evelyn. Copyright 1998
        Walter Trook Publishing, 276 Date St. , Imperial Beach, CA 91932.
        Out of print but available online at: http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/TS/Evelyn/Evelyn.html

      5. Social Sevices with Transgendered Youth, Gerald P. Mallon, DSW, Editor, Harrington Park Press, 1999 ( Haworth Press, Inc.) Through personal narratives and case studies, Social Services with Transgendered Youth explores the childhood and adolescent experiences of transgendered persons. Addressing the differences between male-to-female (MTF) and female-to-male (FTM) individuals and identifying the specific challenges of transgendered persons from diverse races, cultures, and religious backgrounds, this compelling book offers suggestions that will help social workers and the youths’ families learn more about the reality of transgendered persons’ lives. http://www.haworthpressinc.com

      Whatever happens, do not despair, We and many other people are here to help and support you

      Carol xx

    • December 20, 2012 8:45 PM GMT
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      Thanks yall. I know that I am defenatly ready to start the process, and have gotten in contact with a therapist to help me. The only thing that really worries me is money, and my parents reacting badly. I'm not scared of them kicking me out, but as I am tied to their insurance, then they may cut me off on that. And without insurance, then I won't have enough money to really do anything. I understand that this is a HUGE decision, probably the biggest I'll ever make in my entire life, and I have thought through every outcome. I am coming out to my 2 closest friends next week, so hopefully will have some support from them. If not, then, well, I have really been a loner my whole life, so not having anyone will be nothing new...I have dreams of being out of this body, and have had them for years, so I think it's tme to act on them.

    • December 21, 2012 12:08 PM GMT
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      Please accept my apoligiese for not noting you are in the US! And heed the advice you have been given. And rememebr that once you tell anyone other than a health professional, you may have told everyone you know. This happened to me - I taold a good friend who ten yeara ago told my next door neighbour (but she screwed it up so badly). Thanksfully Kerry next door did not belive half of what she had been told.

      Chineese whispers are just plain evil which I why I am going around ALL everyone close to me and telling them the truth!

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