Hey girls & boys.

I`m curious!

I believe that the inner person, who lives in your heart & head. Is the real you.

I`m comfortable, in either guise, as a boy or girl. So it`s difficult for me to empathize.

With the girls & boys who wish to transition. I`m not one to judge over much, but being human.

Unfortunately sometimes I do. This time though. I`m not being judgemental. I`m trying to make

sense of the saying. "Being me".

This may seem to many here. quite simple!. Yet is being you, not living in the body you were born with!

Isn`t it really a case of the person inside the body, who is the essence of being you?.

I`m not disputing, that self image is important, & if you believe you are in the wrong body. Of course, if you can, & the drive & circumstances allow. You should transition.

I just feel, that we are more than either the body of clothes we inhabit. I`m happy being Daisy, & the other fella, but I`m always me inside.  Isn`t that true of everyone? Even if our life experiences, & cultures may be different.

This forum post isn`t meant to offend or upset. I`m just making both an observation, & curious if it`s something others may think too.

We`ve all heard the saying,

"beauty is only skin deep"

So is being you, actually accepting who you are, or is being you wearing womens clothes, or, the drive to be transitioned into another sex. you feel you should`ve be born as. I personally believe it`s the person. I`ve met Trasvestites & Transexuals here, but I don`t care who you are. Only if the person inside is a good person & someone I can get along with...... 

hugs & kisses

Daisy

This post was edited by Former Member at February 25, 2013 6:26 PM GMT

It doesn't matter if I'm Paul or Suzy, I just be myself and try not to change my likes, dislikes, etc.

Yes there are a few things that do change when I am one or the other but the majority of Paul and Suzy are the same person.

Just count yourself lucky that you can be happy in either mode Daisy.

For transsexuals it is an innate knowledge that you have the wrong body for the mind that you were born with.  This can start manifesting itself from a very early age, I think the youngest yet recorded is 18 months, but generally between the ages of 3 to 7 you are very much aware that the world is not treating you as the person that you yourself perceive yourself to be.  If you have brothers or sisters, you notice that girls don't have a willy and so, although you know nothing about sex or internal anatomy, this becomes the focus of the difference and so you start hating your body - even trying to amputate the offending organ in quite a lot of cases.

Many who have been brought up in the Christian faith will start praying to God that He (or She) will change your body overnight and that you wake up in the right body so that people will recognise you as the person that you mind (i.e. your gender) tells you that you are.

Fortunately, these days, the medical professionals can intervene and put the transsexual child on hormone blockers which block the production of either testosterone (for m2f's) or oestrogen (for f2m's) at puberty.  This gives the child five or six years of growing up and deciding for themselves if this is the route that they want to go down - if they do, cross hormone treatment can begin and at a later date, surgery.

For others, who either did not grow up in this more enlightened age or who perhaps have parents who they had to hide their feelings from, this is the start of the nightmare when puberty strikes.  The bone structure of the body changes, the face (in m2f's) becomes masculinised, facial hair begins to grow and changes happen in the genital area.  You start hating yourself even more and very often about this time the first thoughts of suicide start creeping in as you find these changes harder and harder to accept.  A recent survey has shown that 84% of transsexuals have ideation of suicide whilst half of those actually attempt suicide on one or more occasions.  This is the highest suicide ideation rate of any group of people - and shows just how great the this drive is inside us.

It is very true that for many of us the ultimate choice is transition to who we know ourselves to be - or die.  Hardly much of a choice is it??

Yes, it is difficult and for most of us that have done it, it means we give up so much to become true to ourselves.  From a mind that is forever at war because of fear, doubts, worry - which many people try to drown with substance or alcohol abuse (after all when the mind is numb from drugs or alcohol there is little room there for worry) comes a sense of tranquility and peace after transition.  People finally start relating to you as the person you have always known yourself to be.  The ultimate peace finally comes when you have the reassignment surgeries when finally the body is corrected and the 'thing' is no longer there.  My mother was there at my final surgery and she said afterwards that that was the moment she realised just how right it was for me, she said that (despite the pain that you were in) there was a sense of peace, happiness and tranquility in me that she had never witnessed in any other person before.

So be thankful that your mind is not rent asunder and that you can exist quite happily with a male mind and just enjoy dressing when you want to give the illusion of being a woman.  For transsexuals it is not an illusion, it is who we are.

This post was edited by Former Member at March 16, 2013 8:21 PM GMT

Thank you Carol, for giving us obviously a great deal of your own journey. I have nothing but respect for you commitment to obtain the body, you was denied you at birth. You have painted a very moving picture, of life in the wrong body. Which I`m not denying. My point was & is (with all respect for the life you had to live before you were able to transition) , that you are still the same person inside, as you always were. You are hopefully happier with your body image now, & I hope happier in your life. Yet are you not still the same person? Which was & is my point. Yes i consider myself lucky. To enjoy dressing as a woman. I have no illusions that I`m giving the illusion of being a woman. I`m not aiming for that. I`m just putting forward a point of veiw. Which is niether meant as an attack or meant to upset. I just believe who we are, is so much more than the shell we inhabit! i do value your comments though. I posted this in the hope to recieve more input from others. With your standing here. Hopefully more will contribute. So thank you for your response....

Yes, obviously I am the same person inside, any surgery only changes the body, nobody gives us mind changing drugs.  Having said that, all of us change our minds as we grow older and hopefully gain knowledge and experiences.  Our goals change and our priorities.

When I was pre-transition I was acutely aware that I was female (in my head i.e gender) and the fact that I used to have a male body resulted in constant conflict in my mind.  Transition, for me, made this conflict disappear as people started acknowledging and treating me like any other woman.  So I suppose I did change inside to become a different person, before I was angry, disturbed, prone to massive depressions, suicidal at times and generally very unhappy.  After transition I became calmer and quieter, no further manic depressive episodes, no more suicidal thoughts - I became very much at one with myself.  Because the conflict between mind and body was resolved I became me, a whole person.  Because I am no longer at war with myself inside my head I tend to think of myself as me,  and accept myself as such.

People often ask trans people how they know so acutely that they are female (or male for f2m's) and that is very difficult to quantify.  It is like asking "How do you know that you are alive"  Without resorting to external instrumentation, how do you KNOW that you are alive??  I suspect that the only people who do have this tremendous conviction that they are female (or male) are people who are born with the 'wrong' body.  People who are born with their gender (mind) in tune with ther body (sex) just accept it and never have to think about it in exactly the same way that you don't think about being alive, you just accept that you are.

You are quite correct in saying that we are more than just the body that we inhabit (or the clothes that we wear).  The mind is the essence of the person - without our minds we are just empty shells - like a car without a driver - it can't go anywhere or do anything.  It is our minds that make us sentient beings.

This post was edited by Former Member at March 18, 2013 5:36 AM GMT

Thanks again Carol. Your post gives me a more grounded view into. Certainly your feelings towards being yourself. I`m also sure others who have had the same feelings, but started from a different point, & had a different route. Will give a varied version of the same type of journey towards transition. Of course due to life experience & maturity in years. Our attitudes may change. So we agree on that, & that we are who we are! No matter what we look like. if nothing else though Carol, I`ve got to know you a little better, & learned a little bit more of the human side of being a transexual. So i must also thank you for that.

The idea of one's gender is very much internal and one just knows the answer. I know I am a woman though physically born externally as a boy. Asking this question of me about gender makes others beg for a concrete and definitive answer, yet there is none. There is no single set of questions that when checked off add up to a score to determine whether one is a girl or a boy. Much like Carol writes, she notes that those with balance between their bodies and their minds are doing just fine, while those that have a different point of view mentally from their bodies have a tough go of it - don't I know it. I realized something, however, what if I were to ask any man or woman what gender are they and how do they know? Other than secondary sexual characteristics, some clothes and such it is indeed hard to point to an exact answer - even for that person who is in balance. I know at my core I am a woman - even without the clothes - they are merely extensions of my feelings about me inside and present to others how I wish to be perceived, treated, and thought of - the woman that I am. - I find balance in knowing myself and projecting into the future on the journey to be as I see myself in my mind - a woman through and through. Hugs, Briana : )

Hi again Daisy

 

I answer your initial post before considering the many replies so as not to digress from my reply.

Isn`t it really a case of the person inside the body, who is the essence of being you?.

Well the simple answer is yes.

But my 'persona' is not static, it is a creative entity that has a potential for full realisation.

I am essentially a self-actualiser. Self actualisation is a high ideal but it means reaching the pinacle of your individual and dynamic potential within the constraints of the limited resources available to you from your community.

Unfortunately, my creative potential to fully actualise myself has been frustated and thwarted by an infantile and uninformed society. We also know that corruption, oppression and exploitation has kept us from our path as well.  

 

If you feel you are at your endpoint then that is your call.

Personally, I sometimes feel I have been robbed of some happiness.

 

Chalice

 

 

thanks for you response Chalice.
So my take on self-actualiser. Is in simple terms "Be the best you can be" Yes? Of course, & we all amend our attitudes throughout life due to circumstanses, & experiences. So we are constantly evolving. I doubt anyone is at, as you call it the endpoint. Unless your journey is finished. Which then makes all this irrelivent. Yet I like to believe I`m a good & loving person, who cares for others. Who finds greed, intolorence, hatred, cruelty & lack of charity, abhorent. This is part of my basic persona. which has been with me all my life. I can talk about my humour, loyalty, interests, creativity & other parts of my persona, but these are what goes to make up me. They are the building blocks of me. Not how i look or what I wear. So this is what I believe makes the person, we call me. In the end though it`s just my opinion.....

Hi

 

I was looking at a trans-website just yesterday following up on another forum and they made the dignified comment that Transvestites are persons. But they really meant the umbrella category of trans-people.

To many, such a comment would seem trite and banal but it was cast in a clinical context so that the person at the base or ground of the categorisation would not be overlooked or replaced with some stereotypical summation.

As a Catholic Theologian, 'person' is central to our dignity and humanity, it is what sets us apart from the other animals and the angels. Person is the ground of our being, it is the root upon which we grow.

We preserve and maintain our 'person' with the qualities you have astutely listed.

Yet I like to believe I'm a good & loving person, who cares for others. Who finds greed, intolorence, hatred, cruelty & lack of charity, abhorent. This is part of my basic persona which has been with me all my life. I can talk about my humour, loyalty, interests, creativity & other parts of my persona, but these are what goes to make up me. They are the building blocks of me.

How we grow is largely self-determined but no person is an island. I believe there are a many opportunities for the trans-person and today access is given to us in many areas that were not available as little as a decade ago.

A good example of self actualisation is a concert pianist and you are right to describe it as being the best one can possibly be. If a person feels they have a gift for creativity in the field and ambit of transliving then that potential should be assisted to become realised.

This is the frustation I have felt and to which I spoke about earlier.

 

I thank you again for your openness and honesty.

It has helped me gather my thoughts from the confusion that sometimes overwhelmes me.

 

Chalice

 

     

This post was edited by Former Member at April 9, 2013 1:16 PM BST

I have many parallels to you Chalice in 'self-actualization'. All that follows is validation of your points as I explain them for me. I am a woman who is a blend of optimism and realism. The optimism explores, imagines, hopes, creates, and sees the good in all things. The realism knows things in actuality just are and that there are limits to both space and time ( also resources, their availability and utilization ). Since we are all born of the cosmos and are the conscious part of it ( as far as it is known presently ) we like all of its parts are merely parts of the whole hence limited in some capacity. Your sense of frustration for me is merely the knowing that the only constant in the universe is change - hence I need to flow and adapt as it does. I therefore am a student of the universe and of myself. In all these things I find constant happiness - it never eludes me as it is one of the foundation parts of me along with integrity, truth, honor, understanding, fairness, balance, a good work ethic. Obstacles are things reminding me I am trying to get somewhere and are part of things. To me the universe is a set and series of question marks and I have every intention of turning them into exclamation points. This girl sets forth and greets the universe with a smile. hugs, Briana : )

Hi Daisy, Charlice,
Thanks for the posts, .Likewise gathering my thoughts from the confusion that sometimes overwhelmes me.- For me Transitioning late in life [ with some barriers to acceptance still present ]. The light at the end of the lifes tunnel is there , so much of the tunnel mentality is to have lived in the dark shadow of societys expectation and notions of what is judged acceptable . At times I get release , and see the creative side like a welcome break on the journey, no dark tunnel in those times . At Other times its a sad begrudging existence I want desperately to break out off. I put up with it , but I truly know the world does not see me , and I feel constrained not being able to express my true self . Its a nice day today all things considered, better make the most of it . I like Carols post , XX Donna

trues statement. fell the same way , cause of work,society rules family members . some of us cant be our true selves either male or female or both

I have lived with regret for so many years, it is refreshing to finally be myself. I wonder what things I could have accomplished, had I used the time and energy spent worrying on fruitful things instead.


So much for the babbling on about me.

hey dont worry about babbling. it good to let it out. some of us have no verbal out let be side here.
i to Havr wasted so much time worrying about our situations. we are bot beautiful people inside. i wonder to on the accomplishment standing

Hi Brianna

 

I have noticed your unbridled optimism, actually it is hard to miss. Sometimes I think you must be constantly drinking coffee. lol

I share your Science background and your Philosophy about the Cosmos sustaining us agrees with mine although I might use an anthropological and theological framework. 

Frustration is just part of the challenge of problem solving and life is a constant exercise of solving problems.

I hear you talking when you admit to these type of comments:

In all these things I find constant happiness - it never eludes me as it is one of the foundation parts of me along with integrity, truth, honor, understanding, fairness, balance, a good work ethic.

I know that feeling, although I have only had some rare experience of it. You are in love, my friend.    

But your comment is also paramount to our self advocacy and presentation in the community:

In all these things I find constant happiness - it never eludes me as it is one of the foundation parts of me along with integrity, truth, honor, understanding, fairness, balance, a good work ethic.

Without positive presentation and representation within our towns and cities, in country villages and seaside hamlets we will not turn the opposition and discrimination some of us experience into the support and acceptance we need. The Cosmos sustains us and so should our communites. It is incumbent on all of us to "Do some work out in the street"

 

Regards

Chalice    

This post was edited by Former Member at May 11, 2013 12:40 AM BST

Hello Chalice - I'm very much in sync with you on this. I even note that we seem to be the consciousness of the cosmos - hence a responsibility falls upon our shoulders. Not just to it, but to ourselves in it - hence "without our positive representation within our towns and cities in country villages and seaside hamlets we will not turn the opposition and discrimination ---" - As you note we should all "Do some work out in the streets". Like the old line - "I think, therefore I am" goes we each need to use it in the best interests of all and help the balance in the universe and ourselves. It all starts with us individually. Thanks All the best in your endeavors and all of us collectively - I always see it metaphorically as stars operate - each of them turns matter into pure radiant energy, without which from our Sun we would never be - we need to symbolically emulate the stars and 'shine'. Hugs, Briana : )

So!

One of the loveliest girls I`ve met here. Put a challenge to me, she asked me to be honest with myself, & her.

She said to think long & hard about it, before responding. I did think abou it, not long & hard, becouse the answer

came to me straight away. She asked me, (as I`d said we were not all the same here) how I would feel. If she came to my house,

& paid me everything I`d spent on being Daisy. Then took all evidence, Clothes, underwear, wigs, make up, shoes etc, etc. Everything that

made up Daisy. Then burnt it. That I could never again, dress as Daisy. In fact she would no longer be part of my life. (now she also said that I said I like my time as Daisy) Which I do. Her point was, would I be ok with it. If I wasn`t ok with it. Then to cut a long story short. I am the same as other girls here. If I found, that it wasn`t just a like to be Daisy, but a need. I think I had touched on this in other posts. saying that if it was just sexual the urge to dress, I`d probably stopped by now. So in all honesty, yes I do need Daisy. She is part of what makes up my persona. I don`t have a massive drive to be a girl, but to resist the urge to deny my lovely friends perseptions. Would be untrue to me. I can live without dressing as Daisy, but she is part of what makes me complete. So my life would be less. I don`t often give this much away, as I`m really content to be a boy who dresses as a girl now & then. I don`t crave having to dress as a woman, like I crave the creative release of writing & recording songs. Of making an album. recieving approval from my wife. the health & happiness of those I love. Yet it is important to me, & yes a need that has to be filled. I`m writing on this thread, as I`m being me. Honest! Daisy is a part of being me & I need her, but being me is so much more & complex than my female persona

I have to agree with Carol and Crissy. I could well have done without this. Honestly!
I knew something was wrong at the age of 5. I didn't know what, but I've had the same feeling visit me ever single day for the past 50 years. By god I want it to stop. Carol reminded me of something I haven't thought about for some time now. I sat in the bath many times with the kitchen scissors trying to figure out if I could cut myself enough so the doctors would have no choice but to create a vagina. I drew blood a few times. That is a very powerful drive. What could make a sane person feel that was a viable course of action? The drive in a Transexual is utterly overwhelming and irresistible.
I have concentrated most of my effort this time round on making sure I have a life worth living after transition by making sure I have a life worth living now. I want to be integrated and participating in all things as a woman. It's all I can remember me ever wanting. That is me. That's all I have ever known.
I'm doing this to make myself well. That's the long and the short of it. Will it be worth it? If I only had one hour to live as I should have lived I would still do it.
I guarantee you there has never been a trans person who hasn't thought that at some point.
There isn't a choice to make here. For me it's either be seriously ill forever and permanently zoned out on mood stabilisers or be a big girl and do something about it. Like they say, transition never happens until the pain of remaining as you are outweighs the fear you have of the consequences of the action you must take. It never goes away. Every drug and most of the alcohol under the sun couldn't stop it for one minute. Nothing can stop it. You can't stop yourself from being what you are.
You know me Daisy, I don't believe in any spiritual stuff at all. Just gimme the facts please! But there are times when I can't help but think its my soul calling the shots here. The inner real me and all that? You betcha!
Maggie x

Maggie, you & I are bonded for life, We both know that. I also don`t know you in any other guise. Only Maggie!, but the Maggie I know & love to bits. Is the person who met & made me feel welcome. The person who is caring, passionate, generous, giving, & loving. Not a transexual, a boy, a girl. A wonderful human being, who is herself & a joy to be with. Of course, I respect your decision & support your drive to become the person, you feel was denyed you at birth. That wasn`t the point I was aiming at, at the start of this thread, but I truely believe I`d have been friends with you is we had met previous to your decision to go full time. As I believe those traits I spoke of earlier were there anyway. As my friend, you have added to my life, & I`ve got your back always. 

Love Daisy

Absolutely Daisy. Well said.
Go Maggie! Amazing words and insight into your life. Thank you for sharing that. It must have been so hard. But you are an amazing person Maggie!. I so enjoyed meeting you. Hope to catch up with you again soon.
Xx Elle.

Hi All.

Polonius: This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man (sic).

Shakespeare Hamlet Act 1 Scene 3  

I think there are two things that come naturally. 'Being yourself" and "Doing what comes naturally"

 

But being yourself, might mean others can't stand the heat in your kitchen. That's cool!

 

CB

This post was edited by Former Member at May 11, 2013 12:06 AM BST

In other words Crissie.

A HUMAN BEING; & A PERSON.

irrellivent, to race, creed colour or gender

#iagreewithdaisy (more cool than #iagreewithnick)
 
I won't go beyond dressing. But Catherine corresponds to something deep down in me – she brings out my inner girl if you like. She's always going to be part of me. Even if no-one knows outside the members of this site.
 
I love dressing up and I don't think it's purely or even mainly sexual.

So what your saying Catherine, if I`m understanding you right. Dressing as a girl/woman, is just a part of being you?

Which is what i believe is true of me.

This post was edited by Former Member at May 16, 2013 2:04 PM BST

That's right. It's just part of being me. I don't fully understand it.

I doubt it`s really anything to understand darling.

Your just being you, by following that part of you.

Take it away & it isn`t you. same as take away your other qualities & you`ll not be you.

This I`ve learned or reaquainted myself with during this thread

being my self, yes physically I,m a guy. but inside me there is a women. Yes i been told on the forums ,that i need a" severe Make over" yes i know there are not some pretty girls in this world. yes i like pretty things that women do. but realistically, I.m cant be no cloths /shoes horse due to my financial circumstances. There are some people that know about my situation. Think I,m doing this for the sexual opportunities. as they have seen many transgenders on porn sites.

The reason for my original post, for anyone who may have misunderstood.

Was that the person inside is the real you, not the woman or man you should be.

The essence of you isn`t wrapped up inthe shell you inhabit. It was also provoked by,

the quotes I`d  read, f.x. (I spent all day as Daisy today. Alas tomorrow

I can`t, coz i have to work & can`t be me.) We are all the sum of our parts. You take any part away,

& you can`t possibly be you. Yes we are all different, & are on different journeys. i will bet & argue,

That all you who have transitioned, may now have the body image, but you are still the same person.

Which, in essence would confirm my opinion. Being you isn`t about being in the body you were denyed

at birth.

the me inside is artistic ,yes i am no Rembrandt, Picasso or even a Salvador but i love to doddle. i also love various types of music and get emotional when listening to it .i love to do crafts and make pretty thing Some say these are femme things
. If so than i can accept with that. As a person i am conflicted with having emotionalism escaped s .Some say i act like a women due to being emotional... if this is so ...THAN I AM WOMAN

This post was edited by michelle/mitchell self at May 17, 2013 7:51 PM BST

Since the time I first read this forum I've been thinking about this question, or better yet, the question as I understand it.  On the inside, I am definitely female and I believe that has always been true.  While I have transitioned, I don't believe the person on the inside has changed. 

What has changed is the way I present myself to and interface with the world.  In the real world, no matter how much we talk about gender equality, women are treated differently than men.  And while we frequently hear about male privilege, I believe there is also female privilege, the privilege of being female and the permission to be a woman.  Being female myself, I want to be treated as any other woman.  But with a male body, this was not acceptable in today's society.  So the solution for me was physical transition.   

For me, the clothes, makeup, shoes, etc., are cultural aspects of being a woman.  How each of us handles our own womanhood is determined by the role each of us decides to play in society.  And if we truly identify as female, to me, it makes no difference in which part of the culture we decide to live.    

I like that reply Robin