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I want you to help me help others (Second time)

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  • I did ask this last year but any response I did get was pointless. To some this is a serious problem and I am doing my best to put a stop to it.

    It is all about shopping! Something we all love to do "But" It can be a problem for some and should not be.

     

    It was brought to my attention by a local trans girl  that some shops all be it few do not want transgender people in their outlets . Is your custom any different to any other person? Well it seems a few places think it is by way of insults or rude comments. Those few places may fall on hard times one day and regret not giving you a warm welcome and a pleasent shopping exprerience .

     

    I sat down and gave this a lot of thought on how to make them understand . The best I could come up with was to create a flyer/poster explaining to the staff how hard life is for us already without them making it harder. I then spent a whole Sunday visiting every major retailer in my home town asking to see the duty manager/ress . It was to me a worthwhile experience as all of the manager/ress's I spoke to took notice of me and all agreed to display the flyer in the staff areas , I even got invited to 2 staff training evenings and I have another to attend next month.

    The flyer/poster (depending on size printed) Explains the adverse effects rude comments or insults can have on trans people , the only downside to it is it bares my ugly mug on it , but it would not have worked without it , I deliberately showed my cleavage just to show there was not a box of tissue down there and this is reality and not a game.

    At present as far as I am aware it has gone via email to about 50% of the Countrys (UK) major retailers.

     

    Can anyone please let me know of any place you have had a bad expeirence so I can target them? . It is wrong to allow us to be treated as lesser human beings than the next. I love shopping and no person has insulted me in a shop but it is happening to others. No person will ever stop me from doing things I enjoy and if they tried they would regret it and it should be the same for all , your money is as good as the next persons.

     

    Thank you all.

     

    Julia x.

      May 4, 2013 10:10 AM BST
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  • That's a pretty good idea Julia!
    I'm not entirely sure how getting your bits out will help, but I do see where you are coming from.
    A little bit of awareness training would work wonders and a striking reminder that we actually exist, hanging in staffrooms across the country would serve that purpose very well indeed.
    I'd be really interested to see some figures that show how much the trans market is worth. I bet it's a pretty penny. Get some shop managers to understand that and they'll put your poster up alright!
    I guess my concern would be that flashing your boobs would only be viewed as gratuitous and add to the titillation factor for those most prone to insulting us in the first place. It does in every single other instance boobs are used to sell something. Doesn't matter what - It's all gratuitous! It's all titillation, and none of it does women any favours at all. Dwayne and Jerome in the staffroom are not political animals, they are salt of the earth type of guys- you know, morons! (Thank you Gene Wilder for that one!) They don't see issues, they see boobies and the poor dears usually have serious trouble just coping with that!
    In my humble opinion of course!
    However! Your boobs Julia - you do what you want with them hon!
    Personally speaking, my experience of shopping (a subject very dear to my heart!) this time round has been really good. I doubt you would expect anything less in central London really....capital city of the universe and all that tosh.
    The bottom line is they want your cash and don't really give a toss who or what you are. As long as you are spending it they will be all over you like a cheap suit.
    The big stores in Oxford St etc surely must have some training or awareness stuff going on these days. I've always found them super polite and very helpful indeed. Read that as 'this bitch still has money in her purse and I'm making it my business to hoover out every single last penny of it'
    But that's the same treatment as everyone else gets. I can live with that.
    My feeling is that if a few reasonably intelligent directors and managers found out how much our spending power is actually worth they'd be dragging us in off the street and showering us in rosé petals just for a teency wee glimpse of our purses. Across the UK it has to be millions doesn't it? Wonder what that Sugary lord fella Alan would make of all these millions of trans quids laying around unattended....
      May 4, 2013 12:09 PM BST
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  • 95

    Your "awareness" program of visits and letters to managers and even corporate offices to these (or all) retailers is the best way to voice your (our) concerns. Fortunately, I have not had a problem shopping here in the USA; having said that, I DO live in Massachusetts which is way ahead of many of our 50 states in actually having laws on the books making it unlawful to dicsciminate against GLBT people. Trans persons can even use the restroom ("loo"), or  changing room which one feels most comfortable using. The only store where I have not attempted to try something on is at one off the "discount-bargain" chains of stores, called Marshalls. They have a fake "securitity guard" sitting outside an alcove which splits each way, one for men. the other for women. They usually have a grim face on, because they really want to be municipal police officers but are not smart enough, so I have never tested their ability to comprehend the law allowing me to use to the changing room of my choice.   I had a jacket altered at one clothing store, been in business for years, and really quite conservative in their selection of clothing and attitude. I went in back and was fitted, and returned a week later to pick up my jacket. I had a credit card in my name, but had not yet signed it, so the clerk asked for an ID! I had to show her my male drivers license, and i said "Sorry..." She didn't miss a beat running the card, nor did her demeanor change - she just said, "Oh, that's OK...", then asked if I wanted to try my jacket on in teh changing room! My thought process became so jumbled and a little embarrased, so I declined. But I was very surprised that this store hda a liberal policy. I was surprised at a MAC counter, though. I was trying to get a foundation to match, and the clerk was very helpful in picking out the right shade, until she pulled my hair aside and noticed hair by my almost non-existant sideburns. She said "Oh!" and rung up the sale very quickly.....maybe she was embarrased, or just "shaken" a bit, but I thought MAC specifically trained their representatives to be aware of Trans people.  I plan a letter to MAC as I am running out of foundation and am a bit shy about going back!  But good work, Julie. GB needs you!!       

      May 4, 2013 12:47 PM BST
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  • Thank you Maggie I am not flashing my boobs it is my cleavage! It is a statement in a way saying I am a woman. It has had a massive effect here in Ipswich I know that from the feedback I have had. Problem is (not that its a problem as such) I get treated like a friend by the staff now , they all know my name and recognise me instantly.

    As for how much are we worth to them? Now that is a big problem because most trans people shop online , that takes the enjoyment out of shopping and just like you it is a good part of my life . I have been known to blow a 4 figure sum in one day (that is not a habit) so I guess retailers are missing out big time . there are an estimated 3 million plus trans people in the UK and that amounts to a lot of money lost by girls going online instead of using a shop.

    It all started because I saw the effect it had on one girl and it was not nice to see , I then thought if it is happening to her then it is to others aswell so I needed to do something , apart from giving a few people who caused her the pain a good talking to.

    Ok they get to see my cleavage "But" it makes them look! Without the image , and if it were just words it would not get a second glance.

     

    Julia x

      May 4, 2013 12:54 PM BST
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  • Thank you Robin! I would not go as far as to say GB needs me but it does need to get some better staff training . Through this I have been able to help with that training because I get to know the staff and they all know me at training evenings. They get to ask me questions they had no idea about and get a straight honest answer in return.

     

    My Debit card would not work one day for some reason so I had to go into the bank to withdraw cash . the cashier asked me for some ID , I said are you mad? Who in their right mind would pretend to be me? Smile Thats just me at play though "I love it".

     

    Julia x

      May 4, 2013 1:10 PM BST
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  • 95

    "......who in their right mind would pretend to be me.."  I love that! I poke fun at myself as well...my favorite is from W.C. Fields who, when asked to join a professional organization said, "...I wouldn't want to belong to any club that would have someone lke me as a member.." Too funny!

      May 4, 2013 1:21 PM BST
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  • I'm with you all the way babes don't you worry about that!
    Yes the online way is easy and convenient and all that, but it's not as good as trying things on before you splash out the hard earned moolah. All that "specialist" crap like "trans bra's" and what not is a cruel con. If a woman isn't wearing it, it's rubbish is not a bad rule of thumb.
    I'm at a stage where I couldn't really care less about what assistants or anyone else thinks. I don't mind mind shoving the "yeah I'm a trans girl what of it - get busy over here and be quick about it" thing in their faces a little bit. Politely of course! I find the big stores, Debenhams, House of Fraser etc will bend over backwards to keep you sweet. I'd like to think that in this city at least the change is actually happening.
    I'm in no doubt whatsoever that this is down to the efforts of people like yourself doing things exactly like you have just described. Who else is going to do it for us?
    I know I tend to get a bit hot headed and militant in political matters. I always have and by god I hope I always do. Raised Red Clyde style me. Just a little too lazy to be an anarchist - you know the sort lol! But I don't mind shouting loud and proud about these things. I don't want what happened to me to happen to anyone else is the long and the short of it.
    As you said yourself, every single little thing adds up. Keep pushing. Every day keep pushing a little more.
    I keep thinking about the value of Cool. You want to sell something - make it cool.
      May 4, 2013 1:57 PM BST
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  • I have actually not had anyone bother me when I'm out shopping,

    eating at a restaurant, going to the eye doctor, to a movie or just

    sitting and having coffee at a sidewalk cafe. 

     

    Although I live in a tolerant part of the U.S. (San Francisco Bay Area),

    I was a bit scared of what others might do or think about me. Then I realized,

    I'm a person and have every right to go places and do things, without being questioned

    as to why I was there.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not out there pushing my trans nature in peoples faces,

    but simply trying to just fit in and be the best example of a girl who is getting along in this world.

     

    The attitude of simply belonging where ever I go, seems to make others not question my

    right to be there.  I still remember being at a department store picking out some new bra's,

    panties and cami's, when three women came up to the rack I was browsing at  and began 

    picking out stuff for themselves (a sale was going on).  I thought "Here we go", but no they

    were very pleasant and we talked just as if I was one of them.   I went home with my new

    garments and my spirits soaring.  


    Since that time (several years ago), I just simply go about my business in public,

    if approached, simply smile and be as friendly as would be appropriate. I believe that

    If I can just be a good example of a transgendered woman, then others will see that  we are

    people too and not someone to  be fearful of,  hated or discriminated against.

     

    Just Another Woman,

     

    Michelle Lynn

     

     

     

      May 5, 2013 4:52 AM BST
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  • I think Julia's hard work and ideas were exceptional. Maggie is also absolutely spot on when she refers to the economic effect of what we might call the "trans pound". This whole thread has given me some ideas that I would like to develop to try and somehow quantify that effect. As they say, money talks, so, in these austere times, it will do us all a huge favour if we can show how beneficial we are to the economy! Xx
      May 5, 2013 8:47 AM BST
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  • Thank you Emma but I would not call it hard work. I get a lot of satisfaction and enjoyment from it , I get to meet some very nice people in the process too.

    I have never had a bad experience in a shop but I will tell you one thing How Julia came to be Julia.

     

     

    About 7 years ago now I walked out of my door as the real me. If you look at the first image above I needed my hair sorted out , I had seen a hairdressers that looked good from the outside on many occasions so I walked in there  (now remember this is my first day as me) I had an appointment that week too at my solicitors to change my name. I walked into that hairdressers and asked if she could cut and style my hair for me , she replied sorry i am fully booked , my reply was I don't mean right now can I make an appointment? She again said i told you i am fully booked! My reply was , what you are fully booked forever? her reply was would you mind leaving please. Now she has pissed me off! I said Oh you are like that are you why don't you put a bloody sign in the window? Followed by Oh know you can't it is illegal isn't it? . I done as she asked as I would not want her touching my hair anyway now she had shown her frue colours.

     

    Now this is how Julia was born. The previous night I had watched the film pretty woman and as I was walking down the road a certain scene hit me! The scene where the posh shop refused to serve her. There was my new name Julia Ford was born Yes I stole my name from Julia Roberts.

    As a good end to my day I walked into another hairdressers and was treated with the greatest respect and even made some new friends.

    That is why I say I look just like Julia Roberts "But" only if I put a bag on my head. A few days later I signed the papers to change my name from David to Julia. I kept my surname out of respect for my father who was killed when I was 10 years old.

     

    Thank you again , Julia xx

      May 5, 2013 12:29 PM BST
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  • Nice one Julia. Maggie was my mums name. I'm proud to have had such an amazing woman in my life. She taught me well.
    Some muggers tried to rob them some years ago, but my mum got the hair lacquer out and blinded one of them and set right about him while my dad kicked the **** out of the other. Ill never forget it, they arrived home pissing themselves. Everything I know about standing up for myself comes from them, and most of all her, because she done virtually all the parenting.
    I think it's a good thing to have something to live up to. X
      May 5, 2013 2:25 PM BST
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  • People need to start accepting us. We are women and im sick and tired of it. Ive had no trouble in shops at all, i get more hassle from people not knowing me in the street. Its hard for me but its even harder for my fiance Mia as not only is she transsexual but shes also a Romany Gypsy so has more hassle to deal with.

    Mia and i have been all over East Anglia shopping and have never had one complaint from any store not allowing us to try clothes on.

    Shops should accept transsexuals or complain to their head offices as they are being transphobic. and this is not acceptable. The worse ones i find are the call centres in getting gender wrong which can be infuriating but you have every right to make a complaint if they keep getting your gender identity wrong.

    The worse call centres are abroad especially with 3 and Talk Talk, but complaints from me has been rewarded with 3 months free usage on both and apologies and understanding that their diversity units will give better training to their staff.

      May 5, 2013 4:44 PM BST
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  • I would agree with most of that Shannon "But" Some trans girls do get problems in shops it is a fact , you don't and I don't but its the ones that do get problems that this is about .Also some trans girls confidence gets knocked and have not got the strength to complain. I am trying to right a wrong here it is not about me.

     

    Julia..

      May 5, 2013 5:08 PM BST
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