My Dilemma

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  • I stated cross dressing when I was about 8.
    I remember my older sister used to like dressing me up in her old clothes, a sort of live doll. Frilly dresses, skirts, even her shoes, I always have had very feminine small hands and feet. I didn't even object to the make up either, this annoyed my father but not my mother who I suspect always wanted another daughter.
    When I was 10 I was sent to boarding school and was just like the other kids there but on the school holidays when returning home I always looked forward to the dressing up and make up sessions, and when alone in the house liked just dressing up by myself. As I got older I convinced myself this was wrong, and tried to stop, but couldn't for long, the longing for the feeling of freedom the clothes acheived, if you know what I mean?

    I knew I was different to other boys, more sensetive, I would cry at sad films, or try to stop the tears when I was sad. I never felt like a boy, not as far as I can ever remember, and have always dressed up in secret. Only during the last few years did I decide to go further and transform, hormones worked very fast, much faster than I expected and eventually keeping my secret idientity was impossible as my boobs grew just too large to hide.

    Now I have the problem that I have always felt like a girl, but never have been attracted to men, but now I want to be loved and have an overwhelming desire for sex.
    Am I not quite normal, not attracted to men but wanting sex with one? I fantisise about it a lot, playing the submissive role, doing EVERTHING he wants and I really do want it, and long for the day it happens but whenever I look at men for real I just get turned off and cannot imagine letting them touch me.

    Is this normal? By the way I wish I found this site years ago.

    Becky x
      July 8, 2002 12:47 AM BST
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  • Becky,

        I have a similar outlook on the situation you describe, except for the fact that I am not transforming my body.  I actually have a very active male life, and am in no way attracted in men.  However I have hooked up with 2 men while dressed, and it was an intense experience where I fealt so much like a woman.  Give it a try!

    Michelle :-)
      July 8, 2002 9:32 PM BST
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  • Given your age and situation,everything seems perfectly normal.I have spoken to many tv's ad ts's,and there do appear to be the two stages of transition,despite some denial by the so-called experts.The first stage go around their teens,and usually become normal heterosexual women.The second stage try denial,marriage,career and so on,but around the age of 40,realise that they are what they are,and move on.However,all those years of conditioning put up some very hard barriers against what seems to be a homosexual relationship,and tend to become lesbian or just asexual.
    For reference,I'm 47,been on hormonees for 2 1/2yrs,and just got my final clearance for 'the op'.
    Sex is now more feminine in character-not so often,but it's worth the wait! Choose him carefully,and you may enjoy it-nothing ventured,nothing gained.If it doesnt work out,you still have the other option...
    Good hunting,Sue.
    Sue. X Psychiatrists are like the eunuch in the harem. They know what transvestism is, they can describe it, they can demonstrate it, but they cant actually explain it!
      July 8, 2002 10:32 PM BST
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  • Hi Sue

    Congratulations on your clearance. Do you have a date?

    Best wishes

    Sarah
      July 9, 2002 12:16 AM BST
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  • Becky, I'm not attracted to men, either, so I understand most of what you're saying. I enjoy being extremely feminine, but I still find feminine females very attractive, and I can't imagine that ever changing. I'll always love females. I certainly don't think that makes me any less feminine. Of course, I really don't know how I'd respond to serious advances from a fellow male tranny who I found attractive as a woman and liked as a person. It's quite possible that I could be attracted to male women as well as female women, but that's still uncharted territory, for me.

    I think we all (trannies and non-trannies alike) wonder what it would be like to have different sexual preferences or to have sex with those outside of our natural sexual preferences. However, as many of the girls on this board have reminded each other, we have to remember to separate sexual preference from sexual identity. The two are not necessarily connected.
      August 25, 2002 9:57 AM BST
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  • Hmmm :)

    I´m mostly attracted to women, but I find some men very attractive, too. And after having net sex with males I must admit that I enjoyed it a lot. Part of it was that I could make the man happy, too...:)

    hugs

    Laura
      August 26, 2002 9:28 AM BST
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