Question 4

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  • Moderator
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    Here is the next Trans challenge questionnaire:

    4) How did your family take it when you came out? If you are not out, why aren’t you?

    It took me a long time to come out because I was in the military and then I also wasn't sure I would be able to reach my transition goals. I came out to my job first because I wanted to see if I needed a new job or if they would let me stay. My job was great they were surprised that I thought I would lose my job. When I came out to friends I actually gained more friends. The reason i came out to friends first is I wanted to push away anyone that had a negative attitude about my transition before I began. I then told my brother because I knew he would be the most accepting. He was and still is very supportive as well as his husband. I told my grandma next who I knew would be the next closest to being supportive. She is for the most part but very rude about my name because she doesn’t like what I changed it to. Other than that she is very supportive except she is always comparing me to Chaz Bono. I told my mom last because I wasn't sure how she would handle it. She was very supportive and nice about it until it became close to be getting started on hormone therapy. She started trying to talk my brother into talking me out of the transition. She is rude and disrespectful about my transition. I talked to her to ask her to please respect my wish to go by Jasper and to try to use the correct pronouns. She feels this is a way to hurt her and its to hard to accept. She feels I should just be happy she didn't abandon me and is willing to still be in my life. She even had the nerve to say she can see why friends and family abandon trans ppl. It is to difficult to handle such a transition, its not that they don't love them they just can’t handle the change. I was so shocked she could feel and think that way. I personally think abandoning someone because they are trans is awful and you can't care for that person if you abandon them. How would those people feel if that trans person had no support becomes depressed and kills themself? I'd feel like it was part of my fault because I wasn't there for that person. I don't know I'm starting to debate about cutting off ties with my mom because I can't take her crap about this.

     

    This was my response to the question what is yours?

     

      June 3, 2013 4:53 PM BST
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  • My first transition attempt when I was 17 (in1962) was an unmitigated failure, partly because I tried to do it without any support of any kind (it was like that back then).  During the 10 years intervening before I started my 2nd (and successful) transition, my father died - which was a blessing to me in many ways as he would have had me sectioned into a mental hospital if he had known.  He was a very bigoted person and hated people of colour, gays, gypsies, anybody different in any way to him.

    After seeing my GP and being referred to the psychiatrist at my local hospital - who tried to persade me to have electro-convulsive shock therapy and when that failed he tried to suggest I take male hormones "to make a man out of me".  That thought appalled me and I eventually persuded him to refer me to the newly opened GIC in Withington in Manchester.  It was there that they acknowledged that I had GID and started me on cross-hormone therapy.  It was then that I had to either come out to my mother or disappear from her life forever - without explanation.  So I took the bull by the horns and one weekend, went to visit her and tell her what was happening.

    Fortunately she was incredibly supportive - as were all of my relatives, with the one exception of my brother and he was luke warm.  Never shunned me or disowned me, but could never get his head round the fact that his little brother was now his little sister.

    Only a few of my friends at that time were supportive though and we drifted apart and I made new friends who didn't know (or didn't care) about my past.

      June 8, 2013 12:56 PM BST
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  • I came out by creating an online profile for myself as the new me I want to be, using a unassociated name and everything so I could not be tracked. I told them I was genetically male and wished for change, never posted pics just words for how I was feeling and asking advice. The first person I came out to was a friend of mine who I recently found out wishes for the same journey. Elicia has been so nice and helpful to talk to understanding so much of what I am going through and getting jealous of how far I am in some areas like makeup while I get jealous of how far she has gotten in other areas like going out every weekend as Elicia. That's kinda why I did my outing last week, I couldn't be out done, I had to go out of the house atleast once, which lead to mixed reviews at work at home and beyond. The next person I came out to is wolfy, she contacted me online from my 'normal' profile and she wanted me bad, but my fear of her reaction to my lifestyle had me turning her down almost every day she would almost beg me to be hers. After about a week I told her that I was different form normal men and I feared I could not give her the male type of lover she wanted. She told me she was bi and didn't care then I opened a little trying to scare her off by informing her I liked wearing women's clothes, she wanted pics. She saw the pics and said good we can go shopping together. I opened up to her completely to see if she still wanted me and she did so we started this all together I would buy something online bring it to my room try it on if it didn't fit I would complain to her, if it did fit I would send her pics shirts skirts nail polish shoes pants bras panties anything I bought I sent her a pic of. She was so supportive I just had to go get her and bring her here. She stayed for like four months. It was great. Next we had a costume party where I dressed up as me and everyone cracked their jokes and I held my head high. After wolfy went home for a few months I went back to sending pic to her like before. She came back and is still here, with her help I came out to my mom and she told my sister on a Sunday while I was at home and. They where not, they both cam back and I felt like it was a trap. My sis is kind of ok with it, so is her soon to be husband. My friend found out because he lives with me my mom and wolfy. He seams cool with it though he is kind of slow since we keep talking about me becoming Lorelei but he only just yesterday found out my new name because I bought a cake and had them write happy birthday Lorelei on it, I may be odd but it makes sence to me that Lorelei's adventure last weekend should be her birthday. Ok so anyway he is really slow. Then I told my dad, I wish he would just ask me a question or two or ten ... I could live with questions I just don't know how to deal with him saying nothing at all. My next move is to tell my brother. I am thinking about having him come here and saying, remember all the times you said a 'you wanna know how I know your gay' joke, well you where wrong I'm not gay, I'm lesbian. I think it would be funny but I don't know what his reaction would be. I generally don't get along well with my brother so he will be the last of the imidiate family to know. But that's more cause I don't know how to break it to him he is such a slob and an arse that doesn't know how to ask for help when he needs it from the people that can help him. So still working on coming out. But to those who I have they seam to accept me. Still fearful of certain reactions and stuff but i don't think that will ever go away.

    I hope it's ok to answer here even though I'm mtf. This post was edited by Lorelei S. at June 8, 2013 2:45 PM BST
      June 8, 2013 2:40 PM BST
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