So things are just getting to much to handle so these thoughts are going through my head! I have it all planned , I have disposed of everything I need to and I have never had any fear of death so thats ok. So when is the right time? Well it could be anytime really it is my life and my choice.

Now everyone knows if you are going to end your own life you do not tell anyone because if you do then its just a cry for help or attention seeking .

 

The above was just about 8 years ago not now so don't go thinking I am suicidal.

 

I had just suddenly lost my partner of 23 years and I was also going through a crisis with my gender identity and my partner was well aware of the real me from the start "My rock had gone" It was just me now.

The razor blade was there at the side of my bed every night untill one day I pulled my self together and went to see my doctor . I told her everything about my life and how this was affecting me including the sucide part. Although she had never had a Transexual patient before she was amazing and put the wheels in motion for me to get the help I needed .

 

So I got sorted out and referred to the gender clinic for them to tell me the obvious "I am female".

Why am I even talking about this? Well to some they don't get sorted like I did , they fear telling anyone that they feel they are the wrong gender , there really is nothing to fear though , if I was not scared to die then why be scared of a doctor?.

 

I hate suicide there is to much of it going on in Transgender people and it needs to stop , there should be no fear in being yourself it is natural to be yourself not live a lie.

 

I lost everyone close to me but I gained so much in return , it was hard to start but it got better and now it could not get much better for me because I am me . Life is to short to waste pretending to be another person so if anyone ever feels like I did just go and see your doctor and then you may just get what I now have.

 

Julia .

we wer sweating it ther eon that first pargraph

That was the general idea of it Michelle. I am sick of the suicide statistics in trans people being swept under the carpet and hidden away. Mother nature will decide when I die and every morning I wake up is a bonus and precious to me .

 

They say the rates are 5 times higher for us! That is not true it is far higher , they can only go on the figures they have for "Known" trans people. Teenages hide it and is most likely put down to other things like exam stress or they can see no future.

 

I just wish everytime I go to London the poor soul who jumped in front of my train would find a more considerate way of doing it , I really do want to get back home along with thousands of others.

 

Julia .

You have posted a lot Ms Ford . But I think this is the best one ever. I luvya to bits xxxxx

You know what Debs? If I ever receive a letter in the post with Ms Ford on the front it goes straight back to the sender. My name is Miss Julia Ford but I luv ya to so I forgive you.

As for best one ever? I dunno about that but it does concern me a lot.

 

Julia xxx

I meant to say miss, but the pilot swerved to avoid some Canadian geese over Frankfurt and I missed out the I I xxxx

Julia,

 In your post I noticed something that really "hit home" and made so much sense.

 You said "If I was not scared to die then why be scared of a doctor". Well said!!

 In other words, there is ALWAYS a better way than suicide.

Thank you Doanna and putting our past differences in the past where they belong those words are , and were true to me.

The sadest part of this subject is the teenage percentage! It is a waste of human life and also a waste of future generations of transgenders.

Then there are the reasons why they do it , is it the thought of how their family's would take it? Is it the thought of how the puplic will treat them? . To be pushed to the point where any person would rather be dead than face up to reality and a fear that may not even exist is so sad.

 

With all the information they have today they should be able to access anything they need and they can do just given the support. The youngest one I read about was just 10 years old and they could not tell their parents but did tell the school , the school dimissed it as a phase and on the last day of summer term they were found hanging in their bedroom. Just 10 years old! I was 10 once and I can remember what it was like and it is not easy .

 

Julia .

Good post and thanks Julia.

I have read that teenage transgendered people and suicide stats are in the 50% range, I think that maybe a little high though.

But on another note, you make a good point when you said "If I was not scared to die then why be scared of a doctor"

Now in retrospect I have my post about my attempt in the suicide thread. The draw back is some of us are afraid of death some not, but when a person ( like myself ) gets so down and that idea of suicide creeps in, the ball moves fast ( as it did for me ) yes you cry then it becomes an over whelming feeling of euphoria, and sense of relief and yes happiness that this will all be over, I actually got excited. 

  One problem I learned after therapy was how to recognize the symptoms of a person that is going over to the dark side as I like to look at it. It is truly a very emotional experience for a person and there are signs when a person drops below a normal level of depression.

I believe we all could help the people we love and cherish the most especially in the community, is to learn the signals that one conveys, they are subtle and quiet but for a person that has been through this they are evident.

Nobody is to blame but the person themselves when they make that choice, again it happens fast to make that step. If only we could become more perceptive to the information that is subtly given off,  we maybe be able to help a person before that sudden drop happens, we ( the person on the down side ) are also ashamed, and feel unworthy.   Sometimes it is a phone call that person makes, maybe to only one person, that is the time to talk to them. We might make a difference.

 

This is just form my personal experience, I made the choice, and accept that and luckily I am here to tell this and the only reason I am giving up this info is to hopefully help someone else going down this path, it is actually unconformable to tell, honestly having a hard time typing this. Like stated there is far to much suicide in the LBGT.

Hope this helps someone, there is a better way. One last comment, as I was told, suicide is to permanent!!

Huggs Tammy

  

Hi Tammy.

There really are no true figures for suicide rates in trans people , as I stated above it is a hidden statistic. If you try a search on the internet you cannot get an answer , a few of years ago I started building my own figures but I could only do that by finding tiny little story's hidding away in tiny little places just like they did not exist. Well they did exist and I found 97 known trans teenage suicides here in the UK in one year.

 

If you take into account the unknown ones it is most likely triple that or even more. As a 12 year old I revealed my true gender at a Catholic school , the abuse I suffered after that led to the end of my education. To be honest I have no clue how I am still alive! Well I am and it sounds a bit crazy to me that I have been told I have saved 3 young lives. I was told it was through allowing my story to be printed and those 3 did not feel alone anymore . I was also told that I gave them inspiratation and hope , I also find that hard to believe , maybe they thought if an ugly old so n so like me can do it then they can too who knows?.

 

I have never had a fear of death most likely because at 12 years old my brain was working and not being able to go to school yet needing to learn I thought about life far to much , I weighed up things and comparing being here and not being here , that is a strange thing for a 12 year old to be doing but I could see no difference between being here and not being here . My Mother beat the crap out of me after my Fathers death and put me in hospital on a few occassions . I knew if I was dead the pain would go away , I then grew up very fast and rebelled against anything or anyone that attempted to control me.

 

Then came aduldhood And I made a big mistake! I fell in love with someone who accepted me for who I was . They died suddenly in my arms after 23 years together , I failed to resuscitate the one person who loved me for who I was.

The next year was my turning point being alone knowing I had no fear of death . The thing was in my case I had no wish to be here but then again that was as the He thing , So I put those thoughts out of my head one morning and as I said went to see my doctor and the rest is history. I still have no fear of death but I do wish to continue the life I have now for as long as I can do because I have found true happiness within myself. Ok I am alone but I have friends! True friends , my family hate me but they are now my past and I can never welcome them back into my life , my friends are my family now.

 

 Julia x. 

 

   

Thank you Julia, a very touching life story and does give anyone reading this a very good insight into your life.

I find the things people endure and still keep there sanity to be an incredible testament to life. I can only imagine  the grief you went through to your loss, and in your arms, devastating. I salute you to your bravery with the up  most respect for your courage to share your story and how it has helped so many.

 

 I am touched deeply, thank you so much, if you ever need anyone to chat with, please let me know............

Big huggs  to you Tammy