Untitled
Since childhood I have been enthralled with womanhood. So much so, that when I was about 10 years old my parents demanded I stopped wearing my mothers clothing after school.
By then I was wearing women's undergarments. I was playing with perfume and jewelry. And yes I was confused by it. I knew the other boys were not warmed by knowing their panties were satin or lace.
My mother knew full well that I had gender dysphoria (self diagnose). She never said a thing though. There was no support or opposition. I knew full well, and do to this day, my father would be horrified.
I wanted so much more at that age, but had no way to achieve it. I expressed it more by wearing "club like" clothes in late high school. I never hid my femininity in my relationships, but was torn with being told I should be outwardly masculine.
I moved away from home to attend college. I was able to explore a lot more of who I was without the constraints of who I was in the past. I began shaving my body, painting my nails, and exploring sexuality. In college I enjoyed having men and women attracted to me and confusing the rest!
Back then I had no problem being sneered at by haters either. I am not sure why that changed with age, but it did. I had no problem wearing leather pants and a cami to class with painted nails and eye makeup! Some of my favorite shoes were knee high boots. I enjoyed my woman friends far more than the men.
I ended up in a steady relationship with a GG who loved dressing me up. I loved being dressed up by her. We would shop for clothes and make up together. It was so much fun.
We went out a lot. If I was not en-femme I was certainly very pretty. I usually wore a mix of mens and women's clothing on a daily basis.
We went out clubbing and on dinner dates quite a number of times as girlfriends. Heck, we even went to San Francisco for a week. I didn't spend the whole week en-femme, but most of it "in-between" while we openly shopped for super cute stuff!
I was so easy and relaxed about dressing as a woman or "in-between" in those years. I didn't care about others judgements. At that time passing wasn't an issue, since I wasn't concerned with it. I was just being me.
I look back on those years with happiness and regret. I am happy that I was able to be so open, but that I did not seek something further like transition. That would have been the time!
Years later I am still obsessed with womanhood. I've learned about about myself. I guess I would now identify myself as a TV.
I haven't hid any desire for femininity in any relationship I've had with women in my life. In fact, they have all enjoyed it, but that may be why we were together.
There were missed opportunities with men, but I haven't given up on that! I look back on a number of missed opportunities with some hot guys.
I've realized something about my sexuality, I can't say I am a gay male, a straight MTF, a gay MTF, or any other label. I like the people I like, man or woman, I am attracted to the person.
A couple of years following college I was with the same GG. Not to brag, but I passed as a woman and was hit on from time to time! As relationships move, we separated.
There were some dark days following. I boxed up all my women's attire and tried acting like a man. I wanted to learn to hunt (fail), watch football (sort of fail), etc... I was convinced that I could repress who I was and be a man. However, I couldn't bring myself to get rid of my wigs and clothes!
I eventually met a woman (now my wife) who loved me. First, she went through my underwear drawer and discovered I only had mens thongs and string bikinis. She loved it!
On one of our fist sleep overs at my apartment, she asked to use some antiperspirant. She found that all I had was women's! Later, she was snooping in my apartment and found my trunk full of heels, clothes, and wigs. She didn't run for the hills.
We were very sexual and open with each other. However, we really didn't discuss my desires as I repressed them. We talked about a lot of other fun endeavors, some of which we have done and others we still hope to do.
After our marriage I had to start satisfying my internal desire for womanhood again. I began to dress en-femme again. It started piece by piece and it was clear she was not sure what to make of it. It was not easy and the source of many arguments. We hit some really low points. She felt betrayed.
Eventually, we grew together and my wife became to love me as a woman more than a man. She couldn't wait for the weekend and see Lesley. Fortunately, I had a work schedule that allowed for more time as a woman than a man!
For a number of years, my wife and I enjoyed me living as a woman on the weekends. For at least three days a week from the time we got out of bed till we went to sleep I was a woman.
We went grocery shopping, watched movies, lunch, etc... as girlfriends. I passed as a woman. Dressing rooms, lunch, dinner, walks in the city, etc... Passing became a need and obsession. I must admit, that I passed. The yearning, obsession, and need to pass became extremely strong. I wanted and had to be a woman. We had many long talks... I began researching hormones and surgery.
The transition from the weekend to the work week where I was a man, boo, was not easy for either of us. I often heard that I was nicer as a woman. The abrupt changes were not easy on either of us.
We took several trips to Vegas as girlfriends. Week long vacations, just us girls. Those are some of my favorite memories. We went clubbing, shopping, dining, roller-coaster riding, etc...
She went with me to my first laser hair removal appointment even. For about a year and a half I was doing laser treatments on my face. She supported me through all of it.
There was a time when we discussed breast implants and more. I was so used to being en-femme that my body movements, voice, and persona just became feminine and passable.
Suddenly, a change came to our family. A child whom I love dearly.
I was spiraled into repression again for a year or so. Of course, the woman in me keeps fighting her way back to the surface.
Now, basically if I am not at work, I am wearing makeup, women's clothes, perfume, have my bits taped down... I spend three days a week wishing for the four I get to be me.
I am questioning my ties to my male life. Should I let it go for good? I am so glad I found the GS and have a place to talk and learn from some very strong people.
* I will get a photo on my profile soon!
By then I was wearing women's undergarments. I was playing with perfume and jewelry. And yes I was confused by it. I knew the other boys were not warmed by knowing their panties were satin or lace.
My mother knew full well that I had gender dysphoria (self diagnose). She never said a thing though. There was no support or opposition. I knew full well, and do to this day, my father would be horrified.
I wanted so much more at that age, but had no way to achieve it. I expressed it more by wearing "club like" clothes in late high school. I never hid my femininity in my relationships, but was torn with being told I should be outwardly masculine.
I moved away from home to attend college. I was able to explore a lot more of who I was without the constraints of who I was in the past. I began shaving my body, painting my nails, and exploring sexuality. In college I enjoyed having men and women attracted to me and confusing the rest!
Back then I had no problem being sneered at by haters either. I am not sure why that changed with age, but it did. I had no problem wearing leather pants and a cami to class with painted nails and eye makeup! Some of my favorite shoes were knee high boots. I enjoyed my woman friends far more than the men.
I ended up in a steady relationship with a GG who loved dressing me up. I loved being dressed up by her. We would shop for clothes and make up together. It was so much fun.
We went out a lot. If I was not en-femme I was certainly very pretty. I usually wore a mix of mens and women's clothing on a daily basis.
We went out clubbing and on dinner dates quite a number of times as girlfriends. Heck, we even went to San Francisco for a week. I didn't spend the whole week en-femme, but most of it "in-between" while we openly shopped for super cute stuff!
I was so easy and relaxed about dressing as a woman or "in-between" in those years. I didn't care about others judgements. At that time passing wasn't an issue, since I wasn't concerned with it. I was just being me.
I look back on those years with happiness and regret. I am happy that I was able to be so open, but that I did not seek something further like transition. That would have been the time!
Years later I am still obsessed with womanhood. I've learned about about myself. I guess I would now identify myself as a TV.
I haven't hid any desire for femininity in any relationship I've had with women in my life. In fact, they have all enjoyed it, but that may be why we were together.
There were missed opportunities with men, but I haven't given up on that! I look back on a number of missed opportunities with some hot guys.
I've realized something about my sexuality, I can't say I am a gay male, a straight MTF, a gay MTF, or any other label. I like the people I like, man or woman, I am attracted to the person.
A couple of years following college I was with the same GG. Not to brag, but I passed as a woman and was hit on from time to time! As relationships move, we separated.
There were some dark days following. I boxed up all my women's attire and tried acting like a man. I wanted to learn to hunt (fail), watch football (sort of fail), etc... I was convinced that I could repress who I was and be a man. However, I couldn't bring myself to get rid of my wigs and clothes!
I eventually met a woman (now my wife) who loved me. First, she went through my underwear drawer and discovered I only had mens thongs and string bikinis. She loved it!
On one of our fist sleep overs at my apartment, she asked to use some antiperspirant. She found that all I had was women's! Later, she was snooping in my apartment and found my trunk full of heels, clothes, and wigs. She didn't run for the hills.
We were very sexual and open with each other. However, we really didn't discuss my desires as I repressed them. We talked about a lot of other fun endeavors, some of which we have done and others we still hope to do.
After our marriage I had to start satisfying my internal desire for womanhood again. I began to dress en-femme again. It started piece by piece and it was clear she was not sure what to make of it. It was not easy and the source of many arguments. We hit some really low points. She felt betrayed.
Eventually, we grew together and my wife became to love me as a woman more than a man. She couldn't wait for the weekend and see Lesley. Fortunately, I had a work schedule that allowed for more time as a woman than a man!
For a number of years, my wife and I enjoyed me living as a woman on the weekends. For at least three days a week from the time we got out of bed till we went to sleep I was a woman.
We went grocery shopping, watched movies, lunch, etc... as girlfriends. I passed as a woman. Dressing rooms, lunch, dinner, walks in the city, etc... Passing became a need and obsession. I must admit, that I passed. The yearning, obsession, and need to pass became extremely strong. I wanted and had to be a woman. We had many long talks... I began researching hormones and surgery.
The transition from the weekend to the work week where I was a man, boo, was not easy for either of us. I often heard that I was nicer as a woman. The abrupt changes were not easy on either of us.
We took several trips to Vegas as girlfriends. Week long vacations, just us girls. Those are some of my favorite memories. We went clubbing, shopping, dining, roller-coaster riding, etc...
She went with me to my first laser hair removal appointment even. For about a year and a half I was doing laser treatments on my face. She supported me through all of it.
There was a time when we discussed breast implants and more. I was so used to being en-femme that my body movements, voice, and persona just became feminine and passable.
Suddenly, a change came to our family. A child whom I love dearly.
I was spiraled into repression again for a year or so. Of course, the woman in me keeps fighting her way back to the surface.
Now, basically if I am not at work, I am wearing makeup, women's clothes, perfume, have my bits taped down... I spend three days a week wishing for the four I get to be me.
I am questioning my ties to my male life. Should I let it go for good? I am so glad I found the GS and have a place to talk and learn from some very strong people.
* I will get a photo on my profile soon!
