While I was at the Royal National College for the blind in the early 90s, some students made a spoof college newspaper, which was quite funny with the fictional articles.  Well some bright spark/sparks decided to make this drinking guide and I found a similar one on TvChix and thought I share the RNIB's version.      
 
SYMPTOM  
 
Drinking fails to give you satisfaction & taste. Your shirt front wet.
 
FAULT
 
Mouth is not open while drinking or the glass being applied to wrong part of face.
 
ACTION TO BE TAKEN    
 
Buy another pint & practice in front of a mirror.  Continue with as many pints as necessary until drinking technique is perfected.  
 
SYMPTOM
 
Drinking fails to give sat-isfaction and taste.  Beer unusually pale & clear.  
 
FAULT
 
Glass empty.
 
ACTION TO BE TAKEN
 
Find someone who will buy you another pint.
 
SYMPTOM
 
Feet cold and wet.
 
FAULT
 
Pint glass is being held at incorrect angle.
 
ACTION TO BE TAKEN
 
Turn glass the other way up so that the open end is pointing towards ceiling.  
 
SYMPTOM
 
Feet warm and wet.
 
FAULT
 
Loss of self control.
 
ACTION TO BE TAKEN
 
Go and stand next to the nearest dog. After a while complain to its owner about its lack of house training & demand a pint in compensation.   Bar blurred. You are looking through the bottom of your empty glass. Find someone who will buy you another pint.  
 
SYMPTOM
 
Bar swaying.
 
FAULT
 
The turbulence unusually high – maybe due to darts match in progress.  
 
ACTION TO BE TAKEN
 
Insert a broom handle down back of jacket.
 
SYMPTOM
 
You notice that the wall opposite is covered with ceiling tiles and has a ceiling light across it  
 
FAULT
 
You have fallen over backwards.
 
ACTION TO BE TAKEN
 
If glass is still full and no one is standing on your drinking arm, stay put.  If not, get someone to help you up and lash yourself to the bar.  
This post was edited by Suzy Russell at March 9, 2014 2:28 AM GMT