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Drinker’s Rrequired & Universally Needed Knowledge - DRUNK

  • While I was at the Royal National College for the blind in the early 90s, some students made a spoof college newspaper, which was quite funny with the fictional articles.  Well some bright spark/sparks decided to make this drinking guide and I found a similar one on TvChix and thought I share the RNIB's version.      
     
    SYMPTOM  
     
    Drinking fails to give you satisfaction & taste. Your shirt front wet.
     
    FAULT
     
    Mouth is not open while drinking or the glass being applied to wrong part of face.
     
    ACTION TO BE TAKEN    
     
    Buy another pint & practice in front of a mirror.  Continue with as many pints as necessary until drinking technique is perfected.  
     
    SYMPTOM
     
    Drinking fails to give sat-isfaction and taste.  Beer unusually pale & clear.  
     
    FAULT
     
    Glass empty.
     
    ACTION TO BE TAKEN
     
    Find someone who will buy you another pint.
     
    SYMPTOM
     
    Feet cold and wet.
     
    FAULT
     
    Pint glass is being held at incorrect angle.
     
    ACTION TO BE TAKEN
     
    Turn glass the other way up so that the open end is pointing towards ceiling.  
     
    SYMPTOM
     
    Feet warm and wet.
     
    FAULT
     
    Loss of self control.
     
    ACTION TO BE TAKEN
     
    Go and stand next to the nearest dog. After a while complain to its owner about its lack of house training & demand a pint in compensation.   Bar blurred. You are looking through the bottom of your empty glass. Find someone who will buy you another pint.  
     
    SYMPTOM
     
    Bar swaying.
     
    FAULT
     
    The turbulence unusually high – maybe due to darts match in progress.  
     
    ACTION TO BE TAKEN
     
    Insert a broom handle down back of jacket.
     
    SYMPTOM
     
    You notice that the wall opposite is covered with ceiling tiles and has a ceiling light across it  
     
    FAULT
     
    You have fallen over backwards.
     
    ACTION TO BE TAKEN
     
    If glass is still full and no one is standing on your drinking arm, stay put.  If not, get someone to help you up and lash yourself to the bar.   This post was edited by Suzy Russell at March 9, 2014 2:28 AM GMT
      March 9, 2014 2:04 AM GMT
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