Hello World

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  • Looking at the blank page is scary.  I never know where to start writing.  I am not a formally schooled writer so bear with me.  I am a 40+, I don't know.  I don't know if I am just a crossdresser, transgender, transsexual, or what.  I am starting to actually think it through.  Marriage has been rough and I know I am the cause of most of it. I am partially in the closet.  My wife knows but does not approve, normal, and my two sisters and brother know I am transgender.  Was sort of forced out during a fight but that is a whole different story.  I have been through the purge cycle and know it happens all too often.  I have not been dressed in years but hope to some day.  Don't know how since I don't own anything anymore.  I know I miss it as if there is something missing in me.  I am also suffering from depression but have not delved into therapy.  Started looking in to some but in the rural area I live, but is difficult to find a therapist who is familiar with gender issues without driving 40+ minutes.

      March 28, 2014 3:01 AM GMT
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  • Dear Nicole, you should not worry about your perceived lack of writing skills. There is much information available here, and elsewhere so nobody should feel that they are Ill-informed. You do need to seek treatment for your depression though. I realise that the system is somewhat different in the US, but the overriding issue are the same everywhere. The true you will be discovered. The only advice I will offer is to be completely honest with yourself and those around you. You will find many online who fail in that simple principle.
    Good luck with everything as your journey continues.
      March 28, 2014 7:19 AM GMT
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  • Hi Nicole-

     

    You are going through a situation that most of us here have experienced.  Just carefully think about things and resolve how to peacefully get through your situation  Just let nature dictate what you do, and let reason help solve the proper course. I did the same over the years, and have now resolved things so that I regard my life as incredibly fulfilling.  My wife does not participate in my female activities, but we greatly care for one another and have worked out our differences.

     

    You will get through things eventually and life will be good.  Just relax a bit.

     

    Jacqueline

      March 30, 2014 5:33 PM BST
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  • Hello Nicole,

     

    I have been dealing with my feelings for something like 3 years now.  If I can provide any insight it would be a) the feelings will NOT go away, no matter how many times your purge, and b) you really should get counseling, as well as building a support network - you can and will get through this, but you cannot do this alone.  You reached out to this group which is a great first step.  As hard as it is, don't stop reaching out for help.  You are a beautiful person - don't ever forget that.

     

    Hugs,

     

    Elizabeth

      April 1, 2014 2:36 PM BST
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