Since the death of my partner of 23 years over 9 years ago I have always lived alone. That is out of choice , reason! Well I do not ever again want to go through that pain of my loss that day. I also do not want it to happen in reverse. If I got involved with someone then , when I die they will have to go through it. But the good thing is I never feel alone. I sometimes just like being alone but , I always know there is someone there for me if I ever need them. I never bother them if I am having a bad time but I know I can.

I do get offers!! Yeah its true , some strange people want to be with me in a relationship , its not going to happen.

I hear a lot of stories of Trans girls wanting to find that special person and I wish them well. For me at 56 years old my bed remains just mine. I did put a message on my answer phone saying . Sorry I cannot come to the phone right now I am having sex with Matt Damon but had to remove it. You should have heard the replies "Mum listen to this , Julia is having sex with Matt Damon" followed by laughter ect . I really put it there for sales people more than anyone but I think it made them call more.

So for me I will take the nice arse compliments and you look nice today from strange men (that makes me think I looked bad yesterday). But living alone is not the same as being alone. Yes I love people but , I am not in love with them and thats the way I like it. No more pain because love does hurt , more so when you loose it.

I do love music and I can usually relate a song to another person or for another person. There are only two that half relate to me I think and here is one of them.

I have tried to copy Karen Carpenters voice and come close. No person on this earth can do it and it would be an insult. I grew up listening to her . Yes they are mostly sad songs but the world is not always great.

If you do listen to this at the end you will see how cruel life is to some.

http://youtu.be/woUHX2r67yE

Julia xx

yes i have lived alone for 35 years now. Yes there are lonely times at times.

BUT(Behold Ultimate Truth) it was best be cause of this lifestyle i have recieved.

My self being Transgendered on top of of being  disacossiated  indenty disordered.,be side the  panic and anxiety .

The P and A  is bad enough to stress any relationship .than the other issues on that.

Being D>I>D> i dont know if im going to wake up as Mitchelll or Michelle. or even have a shift of personalities within the day or hours times.

 This makes it hard on how to dress for the day,  male or femme . lucky when im at home and a shift come i can change cloths But that when im alone .

Cant be doing that when company is around or even famly.

Now you mention death. sorry for your loss.. My doc has told me tjhat with my stressers and the above i could go at any time...

Me i dont fear death

 just dont like the inconveniance of it..... For i have had smell a body after three days old   i wouldnt wish that on any body....

but on that note i do have folks that keep in touch with me ona weekly basis  in case of myhealth wise.

iI do like being single i hear alot of complaining from my Married friends about their spouces...than i say to myself. glad im not in a relationship.....    but than there,s the lack of intimatcy one misses some times   ....yeah i know   how to releive that(giggle) but it not the same at times,.  to me intimacy is not all about sex  it is being one to one at time with some one

Thanks about my loss Michelle. My doctor told me I was going to die and I would not see Christmas 2013. I just laughed , he said , why are you laughing this is not funny? I just replied and you are going to live forever are you?. Anyway I did not die unless some idiot forgot to tell me.

I have very good friends and I am lucky in that respect. I get a hug when I see them and that is enough for me. Another problem I have about relationships is the reason anyone would want to be with me. It is no secret I am Transexual and that is always my brick wall that I have put up. Not that it is going to happen but , I do not want anyone wanting to be with me for that reason. If it were to happen (which it is not) then it would have to be because I am me not what I was born as.

Take care , Julia.

Julia - seems to me that you are a woman.  End of story.  Glad your Doctor was wrong though!

That is just what the gender clinic said years ago Amanda , yes you are female now go away but , don't forget to come back in 3 months.

My doctor was wrong only because other doctors put things right so I owe them for my extra years .

Take care , Julia x

oh thats right you have socal medicine     here in the states that wil be .

GO away ,but dont for get to come back in three months!  
Yes come back especialy with your check book  or insurance card   

michelle/mitchell self said:

oh thats right you have socal medicine     here in the states that wil be .

GO away ,but dont for get to come back in three months!  
Yes come back especialy with your check book  or insurance card   

And is that my fault? . We do not get medical help for free we pay for it with tax. Take a good look at you notes or coins . It states very clearly "In God we Trust" Send him the bloody bill .

If the above sounds a bit harsh can someone please explain to me something about the USA?.

Ok , this is how it sounds to me from the post I responded to. You spend billions on weapons which you really cannot afford . So you let American people suffer or die because they have no insurance? . Can someone please answer that and if it is true why do you not speak up? I thought you were a civilised county .

Confused.com