Hello.

 

I haven't been on here in a while, but in the past I have found that this is the best place to come with questions. I have finally found a job, but it is a part-time job in which I present as a male. I have to start paying back my student loans next month, and I still live with my parents. I have thought about doing webcam modeling as a transgender model to quickly pay off my loans and pay for my transition. As of right now I can not afford to transition and am unsure when I will be able to. I will need to move out of my parents house of course to be able to model, but I already know of a place I can live. What I want to know is, if any of you ladies were in my position would you do it? My biggest concern is that I don't want to do anything I would feel ashamed of. If or when I transition I want to be able to look at myself in the mirror and be proud of the woman I see. Out of all of the degrading options it is the safest. My parents do not support me transitioning at all, so if I transition I already know I will probably loose them anyway, but I'm still unsure about my sister. I still struggle with doubts regarding my gender identity, but if I keep going like I am I do not know when I will be able to afford gender counseling. If it turn out that I am not really trans, I can just stop modeling with out worrying if it will hurt my image because no one would be able to recognize me. So is webcam modeling a good idea, or is there something else you ladies would suggest? 

Hi Jacqui firstly its nice to see you back.

Well you have got one thing spot on , yes this is the best place for answers. In my opinion if you do go ahead with cam modeling you will regret it. Not just for a short time but for the rest of your life . Everything you do will be recorded , it will never go away. One thing you have to realise is that even if you are lucky enough to get just a few dollars then others will be making thousands. You will have no copyright or control over where your images/recordings end up. Once that happens Google will know more about you than your own mother.

I have seen what can happen and it is not good.

Cast your mind back to when you first came here! Crissie and myself could see you were in despair. Now look how far you have come , yes I gave you a gentle kick up the butt but it is what you needed.

One thing I have learned from life is , if you want something bad enough then you have to work for it. Work hard girl and make your dreams come true in an honest and decent way. Cam modeling is no more than porn , you are better than that I know it.

Even if you have to wait a few years just do it in a way that you will never regret. You say you are still struggling with doubts about your gender identity! So work hard and just take it slowly . I remember telling you it is like a jigsaw puzzle , start at the edges and work your way in . One day you will have the full picture , please please make it a beautiful one.

Take care ,

Julia x

All very good points.  I have nothing to add.  I would not do it even if it did not add to the public misunderstanding of T-girls that the public has.  I hope I never embarrass my Sisters by my behavior.  I lied.  I added something.  It is a disease, lol.

This post was edited by wendy larsen at July 19, 2014 9:24 PM BST

Thank you all for your advice. I have a lot to think about, but ultimately I'm going to do what I feel I need to do. I understand the concern about adding to the stereotype of trans women, but I am not transitioning for anyone but myself so I can only consider how it affects me. I have ex's that have done webcam modeling. And it has worked out well for them. I love my trans sister, so much so I have dated a few. I never want to hurt my trans sisters, but sometimes you have to be selfish to accomplish your goals. I am not saying I am going to do it because I have to think about it more. But thank you all for your advice. It's important to me that I can talk to people like me about things like this.

Jacqui.

I cannot and would not tell you how to live your life "It is your life".

There are a few images of me circulating the internet taken by a so called friend. Those images were taken without me knowing , I was getting changed to go out. Parts of my body were exposed , one good thing is my face is not clear to see.

 

I go back to when you first came here. Some of your words  : I feel toxic : I am a failure : Nothing in this world is good : Everyday I wake up to misery .

Those are just a few of your words , then you started to think more positive thoughts . You are now in a way but , I do feel you are not thinking straight , or at least not thinking of what you maybe letting yourself in for.

 

Why they call it modeling is beyond me , it is not modeling it is porn. I will say again you would have no control over where your images / recordings will end up. People will make money from you but whatever your friends tell you , I will tell you now that in the chain of money you will get the least amount.

 

Here in Ipswich UK street beggers make up to 150 GBP per day , at todays rate that is 251 USD.

There is low and there is lower , I would put cam modeling lower than street begging and street begging will pay you more. I would never do either.

 

The reason I said I feel you are not thinking straight is for a few reasons. Above , May 17 , 2014. You state

"So if I transition"  13 Days later above you state  "But I am not transitioning for anyone but myself". It maybe a genuine mistake but it is a kind of condradiction . If and Am are two different things.

The other reasons I think you re not thinking straight are about this topic. Is it you thinking or others putting ideas in your head? I think it is others , this could mess your life up in more ways than one

 

Just please be very carefull what you let yourself in for , think ahead .

 

Sorry but I care . I am going to add a few things. I am not saying this will happen to you but it does happen to to many others .

 

Take care , Julia x

 

http://www.slate.com/blogs/outward/2014/01/28/trans_suicide_we_aren_t_stopping_the_epidemic.html

 

The image is Stacey Lee. A trans model murdered by her flat mate. Beautiful wasn't she? But beauty is no protection. I can put hundreds more here but I think I have made my point , or hope I have.

This post was edited by Former Member at July 19, 2014 9:25 PM BST

I definitely hear what y'all are saying. Truthfully this is was what I considered to be my last resort. The thing is I have a degree, but not only am I dealing with a bad economy here in the U.S. but I feel like I am trapped from moving forward with my life because I spend about 90% of my time awake stressing about transitioning. I could probably find a job if I didn't have this problem, but I do and it keeps me from being able to focus on job hunting because I stress about whether or not I can transition on the job. I am also stuck living in Mississippi. The state that just passed the religious freedom bill that allows businesses to discriminate against lgbt people by refusing them service because the cause a substantial burden on the owners religious beliefs. These are the idiots I deal with on a daily basis. I'm just trying to move forward with my life and not let it slip by. I feel like I have waisted so much time already. I can't even find anyone to date because they don't understand why I harp on being trans, but don't express it. When I do present as female I can't keep up with how many guys want to talk to me. Most of them are older men, but that doesn't bother me that much. I just want to be able to move forward with my life. At the rate I'm going now I feel as though I will always have an excuse for not going through with it. I know I am young and I have my whole life ahead of me but I'm wasting my youth sitting in my room at my parent's house texting my friends about how crappie I feel that I can't find a boyfriend and can't transition.

Jacqui.

I am not going to pretend I know what you are going through it is not possible but , I can tell you I know how I felt at your age "Not nice is it? ".

So what do you do? You make it nice. Most trans girls think that being born trans is an afliction , it is not , it can open more doors for you than you can ever imagine. The one thing that concerns me about you is you walking through the wrong door.

Cam modeling is a waste of your time and could scar your life forever. You have so many things on your side , youth is the best one you hold but , youth is what those people want , they don't want to see old people , it is the old people who pay good money to see youth "Fresh blood" as they call it.

You have a degree! Thats more than I ever had , use it .

 

Your parents! I know that you know or think they will disown you. You know what really pisses me off about parents? They created you , then when you decide to tell them what they created they disown their own creation , they turn love off like it comes from a tap.

 

Some here will tell you I am not the one to give you advice. I did not learn about being me from a book or a search engine , I learnt the hard way. Me being one of the most hated people on here is not a bundle of laughs but it has its moments.

My life away from the internet is the opposite , in a town with a population of coming up to 150.000 I am aware that two people hate me , not bad hey? . Enough about me back to you.

 

Can you not find some way to get away from where you live without making regrets? There is an answer to every problem if you look deep enough . I cannot talk about religion here or this thread will be locked but I will say one thing "Keep well away from it" You have already mentioned the hatred towards LGBT. Can you not move states? Use your degree to get what you want in a more accepting state , or even country if it comes to it.

 

One thing you have to focus on is yourself , your happiness , your future. I still say you have come a long way in a short time since you first came here. I am not saying it is going to be easy but you can do it , look at me 57 this year and I done it , believe me I have no super powers and there is nothing special about me but you! You have that one thing millions in the USA desire "Youth" .

I truly admire you for your openess and honesty. As my profile says "I do not collect friends in a jar of hearts on here" . I can only get to know people via these forums , you have been on my small friends list not long after your first post though , because I got to know you.

As I said it is your life , I just do not want to see you ruin it. Whatever you decide to do just please think very carefully before you do anything. Life will come good for you if you just take your time , even if it takes two years you will still have what millions envy , your youth .

 

So focus on getting away from where you live if that is your only way out. Apply for jobs in more accepting states , you can work as a male , I know that sounds hard but it will pay off because when your life is more settled you can then transition. One day you will look back and think that was not so bad , it made me stronger , it made me the woman I am .

 

Thank you for allowing me to give you a gentle kick up the butt. Maybe one day you will look back and say "That Julia was right" I do and have made mistakes though, I am human.

 

Take care girl , Julia x

Sorry I forgot to mention Crissie's post . She is right Jacqui , you will most likely never see any money . If a friend tells you that you will then ask yourself is that friend getting paid to get me into this?.

 

You may have noticed that since you came here that two members have given you a lot of attention and advice . Crissie and myself . We care about you , we care about a lot of things because we never had it easy , we know how hard life can be and how cruel it can be. If I am not around anytime Crissie will be here for you , be proud to have her as a friend who cares , I am so lucky to have a friend like her and for so many years.

 

Julia x