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DH is going through gender confusion

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  • Sorry Miranda I was typing and thinking then checking my post as you were posting your post. Thank you for your post I thought the statistics I posted had scared everyone .

     

    So DH is she now for sure? Is that how you prefer us to refer to DH? from now?. I hope you have both looked into the effects of HRT and are both very sure.

     

    My way of coming out was very different from most but I will post it if you wish , just ask if you wish to know.

     

    Take care , Julia xx

      August 20, 2014 6:28 PM BST
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  • I can only tell you how it has been for me so far.  I am very aware I'm a older than most folks transitioning. I have only come out to a few people, mostly friends and I have found that once  they get over their initial surprisethey have been welcoming and very supportive. My anxiety level is extreme every time I come out to a new person but I have been met with nothing but love thus far. I know there will be a time where I won't be welcomed or accepted and that is why I think I get so spun up each time. Maybe I can break some new ground on behalf of all us girls here in middle nowhere in the midwest. I think we all want to be accepted for who we really are inside. I desperatlely want to see the girl I can be in the mirror everyday. that's why I am trying to go forward. Where I will end up is a mystery. As long as it's not on a milk carton, I'll be happy. I just want to make some friends who understand me and where my journey is taking me. Anything more than that would be a wondrous thing.

     

    xo

     

    marissa

      August 20, 2014 9:17 PM BST
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  • Julia, she says she's 100% sure and has been for many years and felt like a woman since puberty. Unless the dr tomorrow "finds" something to indicate otherwise, she's sure and wants to transition. I would love to hear your story.

      August 20, 2014 11:01 PM BST
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  • Marisa, thank you for sharing ❤️ That is very inspirational. I can't begin to imagine what it must be like, you are a very strong woman
      August 20, 2014 11:02 PM BST
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  • To start Miranda you amaze me more everyday. She says she's 100% sure and has been for many years and felt like a woman since puberty? Why Oh why could she not tell you at the start? . But that is history now and this is the present and you are dealing with this very well. I wish her luck at the Drs .

     

    My coming out was not very pretty and I will have to cut it short.

    At the age of 10 my Father was killed at work , I blamed myself for that for a very long time. To him I was his little boy and I knew different. Not long  after my Father died my Mother took a severe disliking to me , she thought I was strange , she beat me often and broke a few bones along the way.

    At the age of twelve I had had enough of pretending and let it out at school , big mistake but I could not stand it . I was then raped by a male teacher and my education ended that day. That may not sound like coming out but at the age of twelve it was the first time I let everyone around me know I was a girl not a boy.

     

    Jumping to age 16. I tried very hard to be like the others but it just would not work. I pushed one girl after another to the side , I think the longest I had a girlfriend for was about 5 days.

    Jumping to my 20s. I have told you of my deceased partner , you remind me of her in some ways with your open mind. We met and she was in a broken marriage , her husband beat her often. Something drew us together and I had no choice but to tell her about me being Transexual . I could not hide it and was not willing to and she accepted me and we fell in love.

     

    We had 23 years together before she suddenly died , she just woke up one day and within an hour she was gone.

    I fell into a deep depression and was being treated for it by my Doctor. One day I realised that I had accepted she was gone but I was still depressed .

     

    I had to make a decision because I was going to end my life. I walked into my doctors and told her everything and told her if she does not help me I will be dead very soon , I was wasting away anyway. She asked me to give her 2 days to do some research as she had never had a Transexual patient before. I returned 2 days later and she was amazing , I asked her for the one thing I need to keep me alive , HRT and Blockers. I signed a consent form and she gave me a prescription. Within 6 weeks I had slowly stopped taking the anti depressants , I shocked her when she said you look a lot better and happy and she said the anti depressants must be working now. I said no! I do not take them anymore , it was the HRT , I finally at the age of 47 had female blood running through my veins to match my mind.

     

    Coming out was very easy for me. I put the last of the male related items I owned in the bin and watched them go into the back of the waste truck to go to landfill. I had no choice but to walk out of my door as a female , I was a female but everyone in my small village only knew me as a male. So the 1000 people in the village had to get used to me.

     

    They ignored me , and they crossed the road to avoid me and it was pissing me off . So when they crossed the road I thought I can cross roads and I did , I told myself over and over you will talk to me. Within 6 weeks I was accepted through sheer detemination of wanting them to see I was happy. I was invited to the local pub and other things and they were as amazed as my doctor of the change in me , not the gender change the personallity change. After 6 years in that village , 4 as a male and 2 as a female I had to move to a more populated area . They wanted me to stay , yes the ones that would not talk to me at the start wanted me to stay , some begged me to stay but I had to move on.

     

    I moved to Ipswich which was my place of birth , it has a population of about 150.000. Being away from here for well over 30 years at the time no one knew me. It was a fresh start but after 3 months here my life was threatened by a mad man with a hammer , he was dealt with by the courts.

     

    Here where I live now I did not have to come out! I came in , I entered a town as a female and I will very soon be opening my own business here. I have been accepted and I just blend in with the rest of the females in the community , I am just another woman it is as simple as that. This could be a book really and I have been asked to write it , maybe one day but for now I have to concentrate on being the first Transexual woman to open a business here.

     

    That is a very short version of some of my life. Take care , Julia xx

     

    This was edited at 14.26 BST Because I was very tired when I typed it.

    This post was edited by Former Member at August 21, 2014 2:58 PM BST
      August 21, 2014 12:53 AM BST
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  • Thank you for sharing you story! You are also so strong! I'm so sorry for the horrors you have seen and been through in your life
      August 21, 2014 5:34 AM BST
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  • Hi Miranda.

    Thank You and there is no need to be sorry. The one thing I have only ever wanted in my life is just to be accepted for who I am. Yes it did take strengths I never knew I had , it has been like a battle and I done the hardest part very alone.

    Yes they can be called horrors but , others have learned from me and it is only recently I have spoken about those horrors to others , mainly the rape.

    Not so long ago now I gave a presentation at my local college to over 100 teachers and some trainee's.

    Without a thought of what I was going to say I just stood in front of the microphone and looked straight at them and spoke. I made a lot of them cry! Yes I reduced adults to tears, the one thing I would never allow anyone to see me do as a child "Shed a tear" . They tried to break me back then but , in reality they just made me more determined to beat them and as a child I did.

    I was asked after my presentation if I would be willing to make an awareness video for the local education department , the answer was a very easy "Yes" because it still goe's on today. Young transgenders are ending their own lives! Not because they are transgendered , because of the way they are treated by a minority. As an adult others have put walls up in front of me and I just knock them down , it has finally sunk in that Julia Ford is here to stay. Now it is my turn to build something (not walls) my business.

     

    Sorry if I have gone off topic. Take care , Julia xx

      August 21, 2014 2:55 PM BST
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  • Update: so she was officially diagnosed with gender dysphoria. The therapist made her an appt with an endcrinologist next Friday to figure out hormones.
      August 22, 2014 1:29 AM BST
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  • 155
    Hi Miranda, I'm really pleased for her....but, honestly, now you know (and it must have been very difficult for her all these years) how do you REALLY feel about this? xxx
      August 22, 2014 1:35 AM BST
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  • 155
    You obviously still love her VERY much:)) Please don't compartmentalise yourself (big word, sorry lol) it doesn't mean your a lesbian overnight! But, when she fully transitions, and, if you stay together, make no mistake, you WILL be living in a true lesbian relationship, and, to deny that would mean that you weren't believing in your partners TRUE gender. So, I think that you may identify as bisexual if your relationship is to survive....but if you love each other as deeply as you seem to, who gives a fu*c what anybody else thinks, 'cos, when you get older (like me lol) it's just about the two people concerned, NOBODY ELSE! Sent with love to you both xoxoxo
      August 22, 2014 1:48 AM BST
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  • 155
    Miranda, I hope you notice that I'm not talking about myself at all....not because I don't want you to know, but, just because I want you to get a clearer picture of YOUR lives together without interjections (sorry, big word again...think I've swallowed a dictionary tonite haha!) about me....we can talk about me on pm whenever you like, but for now your situation is far more important as, this has been a shock to you to come so suddenly out of the blue! Also, don't feel that you HAVE to reply to EVERY comment made here, we will understand that for sure as you have MANY things to sort out between yourselves right now....so, please don't let G.S. become an unwelcome distraction....when you need us, we are only to happy to discuss things with you sweetheart....really, look after yourselves please xoxoxo
      August 22, 2014 2:00 AM BST
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  • Hi Miranda.

    RE: Your post above posted @ 1:29 AM BST 22nd August.

    I am finding it hard to take in that any therapist can diagnose anyone with just one appointment. I am not saying it cannot be done it is just a long process and needs great caution. The caution is in the next stage of prescribing any HRT. Once that HRT starts it is the road to never being able to produce children again , or in early stage's deformed in some way.

     

    I do not think I have in this thread given you any direct advice and I am not going to start now because I am not qualified.

    This is not just about the two of you! It is about everyone in your lives. Your children to start . Now I personally think they are going to grow up with two very loving parents. They are not of an age where they will understand this at the moment , I hope they grow up understanding and with your love I am sure they will. Your family! You have already told some and they seem okay at the moment. You will find some along the way who will not or do not want to understand so be prepared to loose them. Friends! You may loose some but then again you may gain some .

     

    You are a very understanding and special woman but not everyone is like you as you know. None of the above is advice and I guess you are prepared for any fall out. Please only ever take advice from qualified people. If you trust the Therapist then that is fine as they are qualified.

     

    I will give you some advice as this needs no qualification. Your sexuality is your business! Your future is your business! Your lives are your business. GS is a great place to ask questions and find support . Any questions asked by you both when answered please never follow another members road. You are intelligent I know that but , never think it worked for them so it will for us , you are unique as an individual and as a couple and a family , this is your road and it is your lives.

     

    As always I wish you all the best and please both take care , Julia xx

      August 22, 2014 9:13 AM BST
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  • 155
    Hi Miranda,
    Julia is absolutely right....we are all unique....what works for one may not work for the others so follow your hearts. Remember....you are both young and, in so much, have time on your side, so, as Julia says, try not to rush things. Maybe you could take a short weekend away from the nucleus of your lives (just the two of you if a family member could have the children) to reflect on this whirlwind couple of weeks that you have both had! I'm not saying that any of your decisions would be different of course, but it would give you both clearer heads to reflect on the last couple of weeks. With love, as always xxx
      August 22, 2014 10:28 AM BST
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  • I have to say that I am surprised that such a firm diganosis could be reached and forward prgress to hormone treatment was made on the basis of a what, 50 minute conversation.  That said, I hope all turns out well for both!

      August 22, 2014 3:20 PM BST
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  • I am suprised too. I thought it would be a longer process but this is basically what the Dr told DW. This dr is the only one in the area who specializes in Gender Identity under her insurance and from my understanding just knocked out all the questions and had her do a questionnaire and basically asked everything she needs to know to fit the diagnosis. Idk if she's had so much experience that she knows how to find out...idk.

    Then she told DW that unless DW has a psychiatric emergency or depression, DW doesn't need to see her anymore and can do her transition on her own. And then made the endocrinologist appt for next Friday.

    So yeah. Idk if times have changed or what because I at least thought she would be encouraged to see the therapist through the whole thing. It was like wam bam thank you mam. Idk if that's just what she's done now for years or what. It's very odd.
      August 22, 2014 3:50 PM BST
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  • And I know it seems like rushing in. For me, I'm an impatient person, and I know this will happen. And I know she's held onto this for 15 years and can't do it anymore. And our kids are very young so I want think that her transitioning before they remember even "losing" their dad and know no different would be the best course. That doesn't mean she's just going to go all out tomorrow. But I do believe for her health and well being in this life, and the sense of urgency she feels of not being able to hide this anymore, it's something she needs. Luckily we live in possibly the most liberal state in US with the most benefits for trans individuals.
      August 22, 2014 3:55 PM BST
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  • 373
    Miranda Thomas said:
    Update: so she was officially diagnosed with gender dysphoria. The therapist made her an appt with an endcrinologist next Friday to figure out hormones.

    For what it's worth, I agree with the others that this 'diagnosis' seems to have come far too quickly and easily. To be moving so fast seems wrong and irresponsible. I don't deny DW's identity, but this just doesn't seem right...
      August 22, 2014 4:00 PM BST
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  • Rather worrying, ones gender specialist should take a long term interest, supervising on going care, evaluations, progress,  hardly seems like there is time before the endos appointment for a doctor to get involved to evaluate any medical/health problems.    perhaps paying has speeded up the progress, but to my knowlege no reputable surgeon will  carry out any procedures without a full history of supervision and ongoing health care and psychiatric evaluations.

    Cristine Jennifer Shye.  B/L.  B/Acc
      August 22, 2014 4:00 PM BST
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  • See....now I'm getting worried about what's going on. Because I just assumed this must be how it's done now since idk any better. But you all have experience that greatly contradicts this.

    Another thing she told her that seemed off is that it used to be that you had to live as your gender for 1 year before SRS. Now, she doesn't. She just has to take hormones for 1 year. She could come out only a month completely before her SRS.

    I'll need to do some digging....the dr said that it used to be harder to get diagnosis and HRT and SRS but now information has changed and processes have made it easier for GD individuals to transition. So I just thought "well, she knows best I guess"
      August 22, 2014 4:11 PM BST
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  • I think the endo will be the one who takes blood work and other health evals? But yeah, idk
      August 22, 2014 4:12 PM BST
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  • There is no harm in getting all the information you can so you BOTH can make an informed decision. I wish both all the best.

      August 22, 2014 4:17 PM BST
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  • I don't know what I should search to find out if all this is common with other drs and medical facilities.
      August 22, 2014 4:26 PM BST
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  • Ok! I found a guideline thing and I hit one part where it said she needs two referrals from different drs for SRS. One who only did evaluation, and one who did continuous therapy. So maybe she's supposed to see a different therapist regularly...
      August 22, 2014 4:29 PM BST
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  • Oh, but she did tell me the dr said they can email with questions or minor issues but interns of needing psychiatric help, that's when she needs to see her. But if she's fine then she doesn't? Idk. Idk what our other options would be.

    The way this works is she has Kaiser. Idk if kaiser is everywhere so basically they're a medical company I guess. They have they're own dr offices and own hospitals so you can only go to kaiser facilities. This therapist is this only one in the area that deals with Gender Identity. So the rules and practices may only be how Kaiser handles this
      August 22, 2014 4:34 PM BST
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  • I think I'll just cultivate an email for her dr and ask these questions and why therapy and other steps aren't being taken and just how much experience she has with gender identity. She may be the only dr around that kaiser has for it but not everyone has kaiser so who knows how many peoples she has actually treated
      August 22, 2014 4:47 PM BST
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