I cannot tell you if he is just transvetite or has more gender identity resolutions needing to be amended, but I can tell you a little of my personal story. Like most *transgender-ladies, ( I am m2f) I very early felt I was in the wrong body. Now I am trying to get on Hormones, etc. For me it took accepting myself, which took a little while. I think everyone in every walk of life needs to know whom why are in a kind, confident, yet gentle way.
Marissa Mallo said:In all this, you haven't talked about what you are feeling about finding all this out about the person you love. How are you doing?
Firstly Miranda, I must admit, posts like yours suprise me, no mention of an initial feeling of disgust, dissapointment and betrayal. your a very cool and collected person.
It's a lot to take in, The members of our little world are as diverse and varied as you can get, from the fetish aspect, to the genetically induced aspect of gender dysphoria and being born with an inherant physical appearance. ''Intersex''
Cross dressing does not automatically mean a person is ''trangendered'' ''transexual'' confused is generally the initial stage. Examples of none fetish behavour, would be someone who is stressed, post stress disorders spring to mind, say an ex soldier, who has experienced some horrific experience, dresses as an extreme form of escapism, literally sheds the male self and becomes the opposite gender for short periods.
It is essential that a proper diagnosis is obtained, see a gender councellor. He has to get this right for your sake and the sake of the children. There is still uneducated bigoted people out there, life may become very difficult, family and friends might not be so understanding. It won't just be him that is subject to ridicule and scurilous remarks, you will be as well for putting up with his behavour and allowing him to do it. Children can be very cruel as well to their peers as they grow up.
Forget breast implants, if he is cross gender and sometimes wants to revert to a male role, they cannot be unzipped and hidden away.
If he is of a definate mind to transition full time, thats something different, and even then one does not imediately go out and get breast implants, being put on a regime of HRT.
Apart from a general gender confusion condition there are scientific physical and genetic abherations, mutations that can cause Gender Identity disorders, 'GID'
http://gendersociety.com/forums/topic/7790/synopsis-of-the-etiology-of-gend
Ask all the questions you need to, support is here, for families and those affected, glad you joined.
Miranda I personally think you are an amazing woman. Never ever think you have failed him/she . Crissie has pointed out very well it is a disorder , it is not your disorder but it is affecting you and is impacting on your life. You never thought you were going to marry a woman did you? If you had known would you still have married him (him at the time) Did you ever think you would have 2 beautiful children by a man to later become a woman?. You never signed up for this did you?.
Have you noticed the question marks I have used in a few lines? . You are full of questions and you need answers , you have come to the right place. I called you amazing! You are handling this very well. In an ideal world he should have been honest with you from the start , would you have still married him if you had known? . You do both need some professional help , it seems from what I have read he wants to be she more everyday that passes. You have to think ahead of what may happen , it is not going to go away and he did know before he married you. He/she is still the same person on the inside it is the changes on the outside that are or will be hard.
Now can I ask you a question please? You do not have to answer it. You are a woman , did you not notice anything different? Sorry this will be more than one question . Being a woman you know if you are talking to a male don't you? and being a woman you know if you are talking to female , were there no clues?. The only reason I am asking that is because that is who you fell in love with.
A gender psychologist will figure it out for him/her. There is a lot you can or may have allready figured out for yourself . Being a woman as you know is not just about the clothes you wear , being a woman comes from within. I am no specialist but I have come accross many men who think they are female , I know the difference. There have been many come here saying they are transexual , just reading a few posts by them I can clearly see they are not. Being transexual is not a badge of honour as some here seem to think.
I hope things go well for you both and never forgetting your children.
Again you are amazing , take care .
Julia xx
Hi Elizabeth - Other options for what's going on that others have not expressed (that I've seen): gender queer (GQ) and gender fluid (GF). I've also seen GF translated as gender f**ked as, obvously, you bounce back and forth and it doesn't always feel sane.
Things that helped me was being specific to set date nights as Samuel, and taking on new activities as Samuel. I found that blurring the lines between my female self and male self just added to the confusion. In a while it may begin to feel imperitive that you merge both the male and female aspects together and chose a side. Right now, though, you're still exploring what's important to you as female versus what's important to you as male.
I have a female body. Before puberty I wanted to be a mother. After puberty the whole idea left me numb and feeling cold. After I realized I had this side of me that wasn't female and started spending time deliberatly as that side I revisitied the idea of partenthood. Motherhood left me feeling cold. I couldn't connect to it. Fatherhood . . . I'd make a damn good father. Exploring that Idea helped quite a bit. BUT it's not an idea I can currently act on. So I've had to set it aside for a while.
It may also help to reduce stress if you take the approach of on-table/off-table. That is something small and important to be explored for a set time, but other things are off table while your focus is on that small important thing/aspect. If you try this method you'll find it gets easier to work with and that by focusing on just the one thing - instead of trying to gulp it all down at one time - makes it easier to define and take on the aspects of Elizabeth that matter most.
Just some suggestions. I hope things are going well for you.
Sam
Hi Miranda.
I cannot advise you on how to handle your situation , no person here can please remember that. You will get support here and others experiences. Any changes you make in your live's have to be between you and your husband and your decisions , we are strangers to you and not qualified to advise you.
I just wish to clear a few things up that "may" help. Ladyboy? The clue is in the name Lady-Boy (two genders) 99% of Ladyboys do not have gender identity issues , they do it for the money.
Your income! You did say you are a low income family and there is no shame in that but , breast implants are very expensive , it is also hard to hide them. There may come a time when your husband wants them to be removed because of any problems they cause your husband , again very expensive. A gender psychologist will cost less and give you your answers before any mistakes are made. Your husband taking any HRT in the future could render his penis useless so think about that and talk to him about it. If he wants to keep it he obviously wants it to work and you would too I presume? It would mean no more children.
I am really short of time right now so I cannot go into things to much but I will be back later . I have been searching for reasons to log in here lately and you have given me one so thank you.
Please ask your husband one question for me , a simple yes or no please . Ask your husband if he is gay , you can respond here or PM me.
Take care and I will read through this more later when I get a break.
Julia xx
Hi Maranda
Welcome to GS Elizabeth is a very lucky girl having you on her side, I to am married wife knows about me but she never talks to mae about things I'd like to talk to her about, I never sure how to start the conversation fearing another argument.