It is a choice you cannot get away with it however much anyone says it is not. Over and over I read on this website and in real life that most Transgender Male to Females knew at a very young age , one idiot recently said here they were cross dressing as a one year old! Not the best start is it? I questioned that persons ability to even put clothes on at all at the age of one. They came back with a response saying it was a typing error! Errrrrr well it could have been if they only put it in one post but when I pointed out it is in four different posts it they went quiet.

So you know you are Trans whatever and being really adult decide to get married and then have children and drop the bomb. Why do you or they do it? If you know who you are then why not sort that out first or just be honest to start with instead of F*cking others lives up , lives that some of you created and are supposed to love. Wives cast aside and even blamed by some for not understanding , why should they understand if you base a relationship on lies?. Any relationship has to have trust in it to survive , if you knew and you hid it then say you cannot hide it anymore and need to change gender role then expect a bad ride. If you created children whom you love then expect to lose them , your wife/partner? Expect to lose them to.

 

You knew who you were so you knew what you were doing. New members come here for support and it is here , if you are looking for sympathy after you dropped the bomb then that sympathy should go to the family because you really do not deserve it.

Remember "You F*cked it up" It is not your fault you are trans but it is your fault you lied.

http://youtu.be/PAvlQyBiwkA It's not complicated

This post was edited by Former Member at September 11, 2014 8:14 PM BST

Things aren't always that simple Julia, they just aren't.

Yes it is that easy Madeleine. I am sick of being used as punch bag here for my honesty. I revealed my gender at 12 years old , I admit it was premature because I was raped that day by a male teacher but , I never lied. My own Mother hated me , my family disowned me and for what? Being honest.

I found someone who accepted me for who I was with honesty. Seems to me if you live on lies and dececption on this website you get more respect. Well if I cannot be respected for being honest then I may aswell call it a day because I am not going to lie for anyone here.

 

Take care , Julia x

Nothing wrong with your honesty Julia, but we are all individuals...not everyone has the same reality as you do.

You are respected for your honesty by the way. You are a credible and valuable source of help, support, and friendship here.

There's a difference between being honest and stating things as if how you see the world is the only way to see it though.

Sure, sometimes situations like what you've described can and do happen, but no, it isn't always that simple. The world isn't just black and white.
Crissie has outlined some of the various issues as examples. I could go on but can't just now...
This post was edited by M G at September 11, 2014 11:36 PM BST

Madeleine.

I have the greatest respect for you as a friend and a person but , are you going to base your next relationship on lies? I know you are not.

How many peoples lives are left in tatters because of attempting to suppress something that they know will never go away?. It has to stop somewhere and I hope if any younger people here or on the outside that are reading this can learn it will fail. Even if it stops just one person making that mistake then to me it is worth writing this.

I am far from perfect and I know Crissie would say she is not perfect , we had our lives turned upside down for being us and others have too . We did not set out to hurt the ones that hurt us but we made it by being honest about ourselves . It could have killed us and many others alike but I could not hide it , I had no wish to .

 

Take care , Julia x

This post was edited by Former Member at September 11, 2014 8:47 PM BST

Sorry, but things aren't just that black and white Julia!
Sure, you were lucky to meet somebody at the age you did!
I have been married for 27 years now, the kids have left home, and I have told my wife, who seems to quite like my fem side!
Like I said, we've been together for 27 (mainly) blissfully happy years partly because, and I'm sure of this, she chose NOT to ask me about my gender (although I'm sure she knew as she didn't fall over in surprise when I told her last week!) so I didn't lie to her, I just wanted her to notice and didn't try to hide it!
If I had to do it all over again then sure I would have made things different....for a start I would have chosen to be born a girl!
But, overall, I have my beautiful children and grand children....and, I wouldn't change that for the WORLD!
It's just that now it's my time!
It's not just a choice of either "this or that" many other situations and complications happen within ALL our lives and, in the end many, like me just get swept along with (kinda like riding a wave) it's not so much lies....it's more just "avoiding the truth"
I mean, how do you tell your wife on the birth of your first child that you are transsexual? Simple, YOU DONT! You just enjoy the same maternal feelings that she has! I ALWAYS held my baby's on my hips, naturally! It just felt sooo normal.
My wife has always been aware of my fem traits, she just didn't realise they were as strong as they were until now!
But we are still holidaying together in Turkey in three weeks!
And I will be "me" for most of our private time there!
Sometimes Julia, you make things too simplistic! Lol! xx
This post was edited by Linda T at September 12, 2014 12:15 AM BST

I remember trying on my sisters dresses at 5 years old because I wanted to wear them at nursery school. My mum and dad said no. I remember asking to try my mums lipstick when she was applying it. She said no. I remember being conditioned by society that you were a boy or a girl by birth and there was no alternative. As I grew up I tried to fit in and denied my female feelings , not because I wanted to lie to anyone, but because I thought I could be cured. There are many many cases if mtf transsexuals who went down the macho male route ( army etc) in a self delusional way of "curing themselves ". Personally I also did this. Without the information available today, I had no choice. I wasn't "normal" so I tried and tried to fit in. As time progressed I regretted a lot of decisions I made ( as more info became available). And certainly would have done things differently. However, at no point did I think that this feeling would be with me forever. I thought that it would go away if I got married and did all the normal things. To even suggest that I entered into marriage and had children with the knowledge that someday I would be dropping the bomb is just wrong. Everyone has their own journey, everyone tries to find the path of least resistance, the one where you hurt the least amount if people possible. Do not judge everyone by your own experiences Julia, you are guilty of generalising to the detriment of the community. Rather than attacking these imagined liars ( who I include myself among) maybe you should actually do a poll and rephrase this post in that form. I'm actually in tears typing this because I cannot believe you would just arbitrarily attack anyone in our fragile community for having the audacity to have denied their true identity because of any reason...regardless if what their reason may be. ..and no, I didn't " choose to **** up anyone's life" quite the opposite. I strive to make my loved ones lives better.
This post was edited by Debbie Davies at September 12, 2014 3:15 AM BST

Oh Debbie, what a wonderful and well said post)
Please don't cry though, you'll start me off!
We both feel much the same about this, with love, Linda xxxxx

Yeah luck just follows me around everywhere I go.

 

Age 10 my Father was killed at work , I blamed myself because I knew I was not his little boy.

Aged 12 raped by a male teacher because I told the class I am a girl , but that was okay he only put my wrists in 2 vices on the woodwork bench and done what he did until I bled and not just from my wrists (think about it).

 

That day I walked home 3 miles because the last bus had gone. My mother looked at my wrists and assumed I had been fighting so she kicked the sh*t out of me just to round the day off. I wanted to die that day.

So many girls wanted to be with me as I grew older and I did try , not one lasted more than a week because I could not be with them unless I told them and there was not much interest from me anyway.

 

I was about 25 years old when I met the one person I felt I wanted to be with , within a week I had to make the choice of telling her , knowing I could lose her but , she accepted me for who I was. I told her I did not want to father any children and she agreed. After 23 years together she died in my arms , I have not been in a relationship since and most likely never will be.

 

If I added all of the missing parts about how my bones were broken as a child and other hospital visits inflicted upon me by my own flesh and blood I feel like the luckiest piece of sh*t alive.

 

Sorry there's no lol at the end of my post. Just because I am okay now does not mean my life has been a bundle of laughs now that its nearly over.

 

Julia .

Linda T said:
Sorry, but things aren't just that black and white Julia! Sure, you were lucky to meet somebody at the age you did! I have been married for 27 years now, the kids have left home, and I have told my wife, who seems to quite like my fem side! Like I said, we've been together for 27 (mainly) blissfully happy years partly because, and I'm sure of this, she chose NOT to ask me about my gender (although I'm sure she knew as she didn't fall over in surprise when I told her last week!) so I didn't lie to her, I just wanted her to notice and didn't try to hide it! If I had to do it all over again then sure I would have made things different....for a start I would have chosen to be born a girl! But, overall, I have my beautiful children and grand children....and, I wouldn't change that for the WORLD! It's just that now it's my time! It's not just a choice of either "this or that" many other situations and complications happen within ALL our lives and, in the end many, like me just get swept along with (kinda like riding a wave) it's not so much lies....it's more just "avoiding the truth" I mean, how do you tell your wife on the birth of your first child that you are transsexual? Simple, YOU DONT! You just enjoy the same maternal feelings that she has! I ALWAYS held my baby's on my hips, naturally! It just felt sooo normal. My wife has always been aware of my fem traits, she just didn't realise they were as strong as they were until now! But we are still holidaying together in Turkey in three weeks! And I will be "me" for most of our private time there! Sometimes Julia, you make things too simplistic! Lol! xx

Hell Julia, we KNOW that your childhood was not great, that's for sure!
And....I really don't know how to say this without sounding patronising........*h*t, here goes.........because I grew up in a VERY violent household to some point I empathise with you, I could cry for you, I really could, but, I wouldn't use that as a reason to justify upsetting people here.
I really, really think that you should exorcise your demons with somebody that can help you with this as, quite obviously your feelings are still quite "raw" even after all these years, which is fully understandable if you've never talked about it to a professional.
Believe me Julia, my young life was "total sh*t!"
Watching my mother get beaten to a total pulp by my basta*d of a stepfather time after time and then getting the same when I tried to defend her at 9 years old! I mean, how many kids got whipped with a bamboo cane for not picking enough snails from the hedgerows? How many kids got beaten for not cutting the 50ft lawn with nail scissors in the allotted time? I had to put it behind me (I HAD TO OTHERWISE IT WOULD HAVE DRIVEN ME MAD) but, I will NEVER mention that again here, what's in my past will now stay in my past, it has to!
It's just that sometimes when members vehemently disagree with what you're posting, you bring up your past as if to justify it and that's not a good thing to do.
I know that you don't mean it this way, but that's how I see it, sent with love, Linda xx
This post was edited by Linda T at September 12, 2014 12:29 PM BST

 Julia, I can agree with you (to a point) about it being unfair to a spouse and I do sympathize with the plight of these spouses. But, as I have seen all too often, you appear to "generalize" everybody in a category that always seems to fit your view of a particular topic. It is like you have a position on something...and you cannot believe that anyone can have a different position than you.
 Debbie offered a position that is probably the best one I have seen so far. Many of us did the "male" thing and got married, had children, and tried to ignore/deny our feelings without success. Some had success as well.
 As for you being raped when you were 12 yrs old, I am very sorry to hear that because I know what you went through. I was raped numerous times when I was around 7 yrs old by a friend of my fathers - but I did not let it turn me into a bitter person.
 Like Debbie, my own circumstances are not exactly the same as yours. By the time I realized (a.k.a. stopped denying ) my own gender situation (1982) I had sole custody of my two preschool children and I did not dare to attempt to transition because the court system would have taken my children from me... I made that choice!
 So you see, we all have different positions and circumstances which govern our lives. None of us are totally correct about everything...and I don't think many of us are totally incorrect about everything either.

Why did I start this topic? Well it was Miranda's story . Some can say there was not the information at hand for them to learn from because of their age! Well there is plenty of information now and Miranda is 23. So how many more century's is it going to take to put a stop to it?. I used the word selfish in a post not so many days ago , it is not a word I use lightly but , to go into a relationship "Knowing" you are trans and keeping it a secret is selfish , now and back then.

 

So why are things not that simple? Seems simple to me. I am not attacking anyone and for the record I am not angry and I have no demons.

People come here claiming to be Transexual and are clearly not "It is not a badge of honour". Some images I see of people claiming to be Transexual are not right , looks like a fetish to me . If people walked the streets dressed the way I have seen here and other places looking like they are off to some kind of kinky party then expect to get ridiculed.

 

Its not black and white? Why not because it seems to me like most of you think its okay. It was your choice to hide it whether anyone is a cross dresser a Tranvestite or you claim to be Transexual. If you thought it was going to go away by getting married and having kids then you are as deluded as the day you said I do.

 

I cannot pretend to know how a CD or TVs mind works , I read things that say , they buy things then throw them away then buy some more then throw them away then buy some more then throw them away then buy some more then throw them away , its not a stuck record it never ends  "Is that not a bloody clue" its not going to go away? . As for a Transexual! A MtF Transexual is a woman "Get it?". If you claim to be Transexual then you knew all along you were a woman "Its not fantasy it's real". I do not bring up my past to justifie anything "Its a bloody lesson" It is a lesson on how not let the world know at such a young age! You find someone to trust in todays world and talk to them , not just blurt it out in class at school as I did because it backfired on me.

So I am attacking you? Wrong I am pointing things out. I am using my past to justfie myself? Wrong I use my past as an example on how "not" to do things. And things are not that simple?. Well it is simple , be honest at the start! And being 100% honest right now If others were I would not be typing this "Would I? . Take a look in the mirror! Who can you see? It is not me it is you. What you will see is yourself trying to justifie yourself to everyone else , it is not working.

 

Julia .

 

Edit: I looked at this before I went out today , I have just edited some spelling and missed words after having a cup of tea and putting some food in my mouth.

This post was edited by Former Member at September 12, 2014 6:35 PM BST

Please let me throw out some thoughts in a disorganized mess...I may try to clean it up with editing later...

Some trans people know clearly who they are, often from their earliest memories. If you are one of these people and you go into a relationship without being truthful with your partner, then there's a serious problem there and you deserve no sympathy.

Not too long ago, we discussed envy and jealousy. If I may be excused for using the word envy in the most innocent of ways...

I would never, ever make light or otherwise disrespect the enormous difficulty of growing up absolutely sure of who you are as a trans person in a world that can be so cruel to those who are different and so badly misunderstood. Especially through childhood, the hardships that trans people all too often must endure are absolutely horrifying.

That said, if there's one thing about growing up that way that I can envy, it's 'the knowing, just knowing' who you are.

You can't forget that understanding and coming to grips with being transgender isn't always so clear for everyone.

Things are slowly changing, but in a society where cisgender heterosexual males and females are the only ones really accepted, and anything else is wrong, sick, perverted or 'fill in the blank negative' is it any wonder that some of us need time to figure things out? Society is constantly brainwashing us even when not trying!

You are giving us a chance to better understand your point of view Julia, please try to understand there are other points of view that are equally valid.

If an innocent man is beaten by police until he admits his guilt for a crime, is he lying?

Living in the gender binary, heteronormative world we live in which lacks positive transgender role models of any kind, and all too often treats anyone who varies from the 'norms' so terribly, again, is it any wonder that some of us may need time to figure things out? How many of us recognize our feelings getting stronger and clearer as we get older? It is entirely possible to be trans without realizing the length to which one will ultimately need to go to be happy, content, and confident of who they are.

You say you can't understand how a CD's mind works. Some CD's identify as men and have little or no desire to actually be women. Some CD's might be very uncomfortable with the term and identify as women but for whatever reasons have not been able to transition.

Many transexuals (well all I suppose, at least on some level) start as 'just' crossdressers until they figure things out. They are just as valid as anyone else.








This post was edited by M G at September 12, 2014 10:03 PM BST

I think maybe 2 or 3 members here understand me and the rest will never , you are not going to get the chance anyway.

I have a past , its not a good one but I have a present and it is as good as it gets. I did not get to where I am today by being dishonest and however much anyone here envy's me don't , I know some do because I have been told on many occassions.

I am happy with my life what is left of it. I am selfless , that means I have never put myself first. Any of you have to ability to achieve anything if you put your mind to it. This world is not a bad place most of the time , I have never said things will be or are easy but being honest is the best start.

I moved back to my home town of Ipswich nearly  2.5 years ago . In that time I have had to take one man to court for threats on my life , that was over 2 years ago.

 

Now things have changed and I changed a lot of them through sheer determination , I have nothing to fear because that mans threats drained me but I came back , now he fears me.

I have done many things to make life better for others , not myself others , I am a walking pride advert here in Ipswich. The way I see it is , that because I let anyone and everyone know that I was born a male it is teaching others , everyday of my life others learn from me.

The presentation I made a couple of months ago at my local college! It started out with a call to me asking if I would do it , the answer was easy , it was yes. It started out that about 70 teachers would be there , then it jumped to 80 , then 100 , I then asked are you selling tickets? Joking of course. More than 100 turned up , I ruduced some to tears with just a tiny glimpse of my childhood. I was asked if I would help the local education dept by taking part (the only part) in and awareness video , I said yes and it will be shot this month.

 

I am now starting my own business and as everyone knows all about me here in Ipswich it will be up to the customers whether I fail or succeed but , I know it will succeed because people here in my local community know me , they see the me none of you will ever figure out , they are not blind to my personallity. I am welcome anywhere in this town , and as far as I know this country , I do travel.

It is there for any of you to do if you put your mind to it. In my old Topic "Stupid question are you convincing"? I stated who do I have to convince who I am? Well it seems here it will be a never ending battle and I am sick of it.

So however much I love this place I will have to do the selfless thing and go soon. I am leaving  you a legacy though "I am convinced I am me" And thats it , love me or hate me its who I am. Sometime soon you will log in here and be able to say "Yes its gone" But after I have go take a look in the mirror! Some of you will still be attempting to justifie your dishonesty to your wives and partners but , I have nothing to justifie, I made it and I done it all with honesty.

 

Julia.

Julia, you thanked me for my post, but was none of what I said helpful? Can you not see that other points of view are also valid? It still isn't as simple as you say it is, not for everyone. And don't confuse simple with easy.

Am I one of the ones you think doesn't understand you? It isn't that simple either.

You said before that you didn't think I'd enter into a relationship based on a lie, and you were correct. Has that opinion changed?

I don't think anyone would disagree with your viewpoint as it relates to people who know well who they are and deliberately or carelessly lie to their loved ones...that's just wrong on so many levels.

I'll add that there are some people who through little to no fault of their own may have 'lied' about who they are, even to themselves in many cases. They may be under a mountain of guilt already, fair or not, and they really don't need the kind of guilt trip this overly simplistic viewpoint might cause. Heaping more guilt on the pile can't be a good thing.
This post was edited by M G at September 12, 2014 10:21 PM BST

Madeleine.

I think you edited and added some of your post whilst I was thinking and typing but I still thank you for it.

Now I am lost! How am I heaping guilt on the pile? I am the one who has been told I justifie myself with my past. That is not true , I justifie myself on the whole of my life , and still no one knows the whole story. My life is a very good example of how not to do things and how to do things , I am human I have made mistakes. Others above have made their mistakes too , they are just a different type of mistake. I read things here , people say they knew who they were at 5 or  6 or 7 years old.

They did know what they were doing just the same as I knew what I was doing , I just done it without causing pain to others , the only one who received the pain in my life was me. All I am attempting to do is make the next ones think before they enter a relationship or marriage and have children just to f*ck it all up for the innocent ones.

 

Take care , Julia x

This post was edited by Former Member at September 12, 2014 8:22 PM BST

"They did know what they were doing just the same as I knew what I was doing"

 

 

Nope!

We can all agree with people needing to think "...before they enter a relationship or marriage and have children just to f*ck it all up for the innocent ones." but that isn't what we've been debating here. It's that it isn't always as clear and simple as being honest. Just saw your post Debbie...

Debbie Davies said:

"They did know what they were doing just the same as I knew what I was doing"

 

 

Nope!

Some do, some have, I think we can agree with Julia on that much.
This post was edited by M G at September 12, 2014 10:22 PM BST

I think this is very well written...

Debbie Davies said:
I remember trying on my sisters dresses at 5 years old because I wanted to wear them at nursery school. My mum and dad said no. I remember asking to try my mums lipstick when she was applying it. She said no. I remember being conditioned by society that you were a boy or a girl by birth and there was no alternative. As I grew up I tried to fit in and denied my female feelings , not because I wanted to lie to anyone, but because I thought I could be cured. There are many many cases if mtf transsexuals who went down the macho male route ( army etc) in a self delusional way of "curing themselves ". Personally I also did this. Without the information available today, I had no choice. I wasn't "normal" so I tried and tried to fit in. As time progressed I regretted a lot of decisions I made ( as more info became available). And certainly would have done things differently. However, at no point did I think that this feeling would be with me forever. I thought that it would go away if I got married and did all the normal things. To even suggest that I entered into marriage and had children with the knowledge that someday I would be dropping the bomb is just wrong. Everyone has their own journey, everyone tries to find the path of least resistance, the one where you hurt the least amount if people possible. Do not judge everyone by your own experiences Julia, you are guilty of generalising to the detriment of the community. Rather than attacking these imagined liars ( who I include myself among) maybe you should actually do a poll and rephrase this post in that form. I'm actually in tears typing this because I cannot believe you would just arbitrarily attack anyone in our fragile community for having the audacity to have denied their true identity because of any reason...regardless if what their reason may be. ..and no, I didn't " choose to **** up anyone's life" quite the opposite. I strive to make my loved ones lives better.

There are some situations where people need to be true to themselves after having entered a relationship, and perhaps had kids, without ever having 'lied' to their partner. They may have a mountain of guilt about it already, without being told that they were lying and deserve all the bad that comes their way.

Debbie and Doanna have given some examples of how oversimplifying things might be hurtful. I know that isn't your intention Julia.

although the original post title relates to "some".. i feel the first post is an all out attack on anyone who even suspected they were trans to any degree and dared to enter into a heterosexual relationship. there are different levels of understanding ones own condition. dont get me wrong here, i love julia to bits and admire her hugely. and  if i felt offended by someone else , she would be the first one to say "get off your arse ya scottish bint and say something" :

 

if the first post had been targeted at anyone who was 100% sure they were trans and then got married etc then sure! i agree with Julia all the way.  and believe me i read it a few times to see if i was missing something...alas the final sentence did it for me..."its not complicated".

 

for some of us..its  more complicated than you could imagine.

Madeleine Grant said:
There are some situations where people need to be true to themselves after having entered a relationship, and perhaps had kids, without ever having 'lied' to their partner. They may have a mountain of guilt about it already, without being told that they were lying and deserve all the bad that comes their way.

 

you pretty much described my life right there Madeleine x

I would extend agreement with Julia beyond those who know 100%. Like you said, there are different levels of understanding one's own condition and I think the importance of being honest with a partner comes somewhere well before 100%, but your point is well taken...I also think perhaps this is taking you too literally, and you would likely agree...
This post was edited by M G at September 12, 2014 9:01 PM BST

not sure what you mean by "this taking me too literally" madeleine?

Of course being honest is always important. I don't mean to suggest that it ever isn't.

Knowing what I knew and how I felt 10 years ago, I could have entered into a relationship without a proper understanding of who I am and the way I feel now. That wouldn't have made me a liar at all.

Just saw this...

Debbie Davies said:

not sure what you mean by "this taking me too literally" madeleine?

Well, the 100% thing... "there are levels of understanding one's own condition..." where being honest about what you DO know would be very important, that's all.
This post was edited by M G at September 12, 2014 10:34 PM BST

Whoops! I put the link to my funny version of Complicated at the first post. I said its not complicated. Listen to the words in this proper version , any trans persons wife/partner should relate to it if you think about it.

 

http://youtu.be/dwdcDCeJjj0

This post was edited by Former Member at September 12, 2014 9:32 PM BST

Hey Julia, we know what you may have meant, but you were not born a male...you were born a female in a male body and assigned a gender based on that. Clearly, that doesn't work for everyone.

Julia,

I was born in 1943 as a male, and therefore, I was.  Growing up I preferred playing with my sisters and their friends rather than the boys in the neighborhood.  I had been educated to the fact I was male, so I tried being male.  Dated, but would rather just have a friend than a girl friend.  That meant getting intiment and just not a priority for me.   Didn't llike "guy things' and was not good at sports.  Did eaverything else a "guy" does, went in the service, got married, had a kid, but nothing made me happy.  

Near the turn of the century, I got my first computer and found the wonders of the internet.  Found a word "transgender" and I was born again.  I satarted researching, while still being under cover.  I stayed hidden until after my divorce, and, for the first time in my life, I was free.

in 2013, I started living as a female fulltime.  In October of that year I had my first HRT medication.  I can honestly that for the first time in my life, "I am actually happy".  Had I not divorced, I would still be undercover and miserable.  Messing with others lives has never been my intent, and if I did, I truely apologize to them.

 

Bobbi 

This post was edited by Bobbi gruetter at September 13, 2014 4:46 PM BST

Julia - you keep threatening, time after time, to leave this site.  I for one, would deeply regret it if you did.  You always have a strong point of view - and that certainly livens things up.  Really though, it is " Different strokes for different folks".

 

How about you just stick with us?

Bobbi, that about sums it up....in our lives, most of us anyhow, things are rarely, if ever simple choices!
xxx
This post was edited by Linda T at September 13, 2014 5:43 AM BST

Thank you Amanda.

There is just one problem! Most here thinks I set out to offend them. This is really all about awareness but no one seems to get it.

My presence on his website is causing problems and I have no wish to harm its reputation.

 

Take care , Julia x

 

I just had to edit that. I am so fecking tired I need sleep I have to be up in 3 hours its not really worth going to bed .

This post was edited by Former Member at September 13, 2014 9:14 AM BST

Julia!! Your presence on this website really, really ain't causing any problems...what you say sometimes does! Am I Effing well (sorry, but if it's good enough for David Cameron, it's good enough for me!) wasting my time with you!!
LOOK back at most of your posts, particularly the replies.
Most replies are worded in the form of "well Julia, we know what you're saying, but"
That's because most of your posts seem to come with a hand grenade attached to them!
Don't get me wrong Julia, most of your posts make perfect sense!It's just that if they weren't posted so "factual" )t from this one which, to be fair, I think is total boll**ks as most of is here DONT set out to lie, it's just that, as with most transsexual people the pressure builds up over the years to transition because "other" life circumstances take control!
Why for instance did you say to me recently that you've been on this site far longer than me therefore I shouldn't "judge people"
If I'd been on this site for FIFTY years I still wouldn't do that! (Though I know, in a way I'm doing that right now, but only to TRY to make you see that you are valued here, much as you think you're not!)
Being here longer than me doesn't give you the right to do that either!
Why is it that even some of your closest friends here seem to have to justify what you are trying to say??
When I post something, I try to post it in a way that doesn't hurt anybody, maybe I'll get a "like" or even a difference of opinion, which is great, as nobody is right ALL the time, and, I'm open to persuasion
NOBODY here is right all the time (including you!)
DONT go Julia!
What purpose does that serve??
Just please, please do be a little more considerate to others when posting....who knows, if you post something nice you may surprise a few people!!
Including me!!
Love, Linda xxx

This post was edited by Linda T at September 13, 2014 5:44 AM BST

Could you spare a few minutes just to look and listen to this I have just uploaded to youtube and just ignore the images of me and hashes at the start covering some words up ,most of this is about a year old.

Last time I deleted my account here Crissie told me it had her in tears listening to this.

It is a love song really but , to me it says a lot about life.  I recorded my own version of this in female voice but I have cut it off at the end.

 

The words in this song relate to us! How many more decades will it be untill we finally get it right? We are decades behind every single part of society FACT , we are the slowest evolving species on this planet and that is a FACT.

 

Take care , Julia

 

http://youtu.be/JXwKk6mc5yU

This post was edited by Former Member at September 13, 2014 11:55 AM BST

Amanda Bruce said:

Julia - you keep threatening, time after time, to leave this site.  I for one, would deeply regret it if you did.  You always have a strong point of view - and that certainly livens things up.  Really though, it is " Different strokes for different folks".

 

How about you just stick with us?

I second this motion. : )

Julia,

You are one person I hope never leaves here.  You make us (me) think and that is something I don't have to do much anymore.  So many times you open my eyes and I'm sure others feel the same.  You tell it as you see it and only a true friend would have the guts to do that.  I, for one, am very thankful and grateful you spend time with us.

THANKS.

 

Bobbi

Julia,
I don't think there are many if any members here who think you set out to offend them. Possible exceptions:

1) members whom you don't give a fair chance to know the real you.
2) members (using the term lightly now) who aren't genuine and may actually need to be offended.

The problem with 1 is that not giving people a fair chance to know the real you means you aren't giving yourself much chance either. You could afford to be more understanding of other viewpoints and you could afford to show soft, sweet, caring Julia a little more and 'tough love' Julia a little less. We've discussed it before and we both know how you actually prefer to be. Given the chance, Linda might word it differently (perhaps she just means within this thread) as I don't think she'd really be surprised if you posted something nice...you do it all the time. I think your last post, the "Could you spare a few minutes just to look and listen to this..." one gets to the heart of your message here much more effectively. I can see your frustration with our fear to be ourselves, and the confidence you wish to instill within us. You want to empower us, you want the world to change (as we all do) but maybe a little faster than it can.
Another thing you've said is that "This is really all about awareness but no one seems to get it.". So, let me ask you, does it ever don on you that if no one seems to get it, perhaps you might be missing something (too)?

The problem with 2 is that it's too easy to 'scare off' legitimate members with this approach. Be watchful, be protective, but be careful of the dangers of 'vigilante justice' and at times jumping to conclusions.

Now, I've 'seconded Amanda's motion'. Let me add that if there's anything that I find 'offensive' and I'm using that term lightly now, it's that you keep 'threatening' to leave. So quit that, not the site. You are loved, admired, respected, and valued too much around here for any more of that nonsense.
This post was edited by M G at September 13, 2014 4:47 PM BST

I do not know how to start this so first I will go back to why I started this thread "Awareness" I may have gone about it the wrong way but I guess it got some attention.

When will others ever learn not to enter a serious relationship to end up destroying it? Not just destroying the relationship but hurting others in that family. I am not justifing myself here now by bringing up my past.

 

When I first came out my life was not easy! I had to find determination  inside of me I never knew I had just to be accepted , it worked.

From those first few months I learnt how hard people can make life for others whom they deem different! I had to do something about it. So I started out on my own personal crusade ,  meeting with the media and certian organisations.

In those meetings and armed with certian infomation obtained from The London Gender Clinic I started thinking how can I do my part to help put an end to it "The ignorance mixed with the hate from the minority". I am not an activist and never have been I just needed to do something to help put a stop to it , because I had a taste of it and it was not nice.

So certian people and organisations started using me and I was okay with that but some things I was asked to do were not really working. I started putting my brain in gear and thinking of my ways to get the message out not just doing what they wanted me to.

The ideas I came up with were so simple. I was invited to give a talk to 800 Students at a University. That was my turning point I think.

I was asked if I could give a talk followed by answering questions which I ageed to do. I did not even give a thought on what I was going to say , I walked out on that stage and looked at rows and rows of faces from both genders. I opened my mouth , I asked without thinking , are any of you here transgender or think you maybe? Nothing happened, I told them to just put your hand up , nothing happened but , I knew out of 800 there were some in there.

So I talked and talked some more and , could have talked all night. Then came the questions! They were easy to answer , things like when did you know and how did you handle it ect.

I had gone way past the amount of time I was told it would take but I was okay and the students were happy but I was given a piece of paper saying 5 more minutes please.

How could I use those 5 minutes? I went back to the very first question I asked "Are any of you transgender or think you are"? There was a slight pause but a miracle happened "Eight Students raised their hands" RESULT 1% of them had the courage to admit it so why? Because they could see there was no shame in it.

I had gone way over my time and after mixing with some of the students afterwards I had missed my last train home so I spent that night in a hotel.

 

When I arrived home the next day I knew I had done some good because my inbox was packed with Thank you's and messages from some who said I had given them some hope and their secret was now out. The last thing I said before walking off that stage was , to those of you that never raised your hands just treat the ones that did with the respect they deserve , it took courage so treat them well. I will never forget that day and night in my life.

 

There have been many things I have done but that one has to be the best in my mind. In my home town I thought about giving an award to the most Trans friendly retailer , I past the idea around but no one wanted to do the ground work or pay for it so I did. I never knew untill the decision was made on who to present it to how hard it be to give a retailer some recognition. I spent close to 2 hours speaking to one woman at head office , she was very helpfull and eventually I was given permission to present it. Even that got my mind working because she mentioned another department of their business whom I am still in contact with.

 

My ugly mug is also on an awareness poster that is in the back of retailers here in Ipswich and further accross the UK.

I am ending this here because I could go on and on. If anyone here or away from here thinks I have done the things I have done for fun or attention then think again. There is only one reason I have done the things I have so far, because I know how hard it was. It is not about me and never has been , it is all about awareness because I have felt the isolation , I have felt the pain and the insults to my gender. I just want it to end , not for me I am fine now but for others. If just one young or older trans prson is reading this thread then I hope they can see that entering any relationship and attempting to hide it just expect the fallout , just take the chance and be honest before you fall in love and more so have children , it is not worth the pain.

 

To put it bluntly as I mostly do

 

I care! Believe it or not I care about others and I care about this website.

 

 

Take care and thank you all , Julia.

This post was edited by Former Member at September 14, 2014 4:12 AM BST

I would just like to add. In all of the years I have been a member of this website I have most times been forced to delete my account by one member , not the same member everytime.

I could put links here going back years.

One example is from a former moderator. In a thread she was doing my head in, she was telling members in not so many words that a certian part of transition seemed to be the most important thing in the world , it was not to me and should never be to anyone else but she was not having it. I argued my case over and over and the only thing that put a stop to it was my final post to her in that thread. It ended , if you do not stop this I will give my next response in Dutch because you do not seem to understand English. It is wrong for a moderator or anyone to put others off transitioning based on her own personal opinion , which was a very selfish opinion.

 

I wish to thank you all for your support and for putting up with me. One thing I do know is without me this website would be a bit dull at times. I can be a pain in the arse but its who I am.

 

Take care , Julia x