I would extend agreement with Julia beyond those who know 100%. Like you said, there are different levels of understanding one's own condition and I think the importance of being honest with a partner comes somewhere well before 100%, but your point is well taken...I also think perhaps this is taking you too literally, and you would likely agree...
This post was edited by M G at September 12, 2014 9:01 PM BST

not sure what you mean by "this taking me too literally" madeleine?

Of course being honest is always important. I don't mean to suggest that it ever isn't.

Knowing what I knew and how I felt 10 years ago, I could have entered into a relationship without a proper understanding of who I am and the way I feel now. That wouldn't have made me a liar at all.

Just saw this...

Debbie Davies said:

not sure what you mean by "this taking me too literally" madeleine?

Well, the 100% thing... "there are levels of understanding one's own condition..." where being honest about what you DO know would be very important, that's all.
This post was edited by M G at September 12, 2014 10:34 PM BST

Whoops! I put the link to my funny version of Complicated at the first post. I said its not complicated. Listen to the words in this proper version , any trans persons wife/partner should relate to it if you think about it.

 

http://youtu.be/dwdcDCeJjj0

This post was edited by Former Member at September 12, 2014 9:32 PM BST

Hey Julia, we know what you may have meant, but you were not born a male...you were born a female in a male body and assigned a gender based on that. Clearly, that doesn't work for everyone.

Julia,

I was born in 1943 as a male, and therefore, I was.  Growing up I preferred playing with my sisters and their friends rather than the boys in the neighborhood.  I had been educated to the fact I was male, so I tried being male.  Dated, but would rather just have a friend than a girl friend.  That meant getting intiment and just not a priority for me.   Didn't llike "guy things' and was not good at sports.  Did eaverything else a "guy" does, went in the service, got married, had a kid, but nothing made me happy.  

Near the turn of the century, I got my first computer and found the wonders of the internet.  Found a word "transgender" and I was born again.  I satarted researching, while still being under cover.  I stayed hidden until after my divorce, and, for the first time in my life, I was free.

in 2013, I started living as a female fulltime.  In October of that year I had my first HRT medication.  I can honestly that for the first time in my life, "I am actually happy".  Had I not divorced, I would still be undercover and miserable.  Messing with others lives has never been my intent, and if I did, I truely apologize to them.

 

Bobbi 

This post was edited by Bobbi gruetter at September 13, 2014 4:46 PM BST

Julia - you keep threatening, time after time, to leave this site.  I for one, would deeply regret it if you did.  You always have a strong point of view - and that certainly livens things up.  Really though, it is " Different strokes for different folks".

 

How about you just stick with us?

Bobbi, that about sums it up....in our lives, most of us anyhow, things are rarely, if ever simple choices!
xxx
This post was edited by Linda T at September 13, 2014 5:43 AM BST

Thank you Amanda.

There is just one problem! Most here thinks I set out to offend them. This is really all about awareness but no one seems to get it.

My presence on his website is causing problems and I have no wish to harm its reputation.

 

Take care , Julia x

 

I just had to edit that. I am so fecking tired I need sleep I have to be up in 3 hours its not really worth going to bed .

This post was edited by Former Member at September 13, 2014 9:14 AM BST

Julia!! Your presence on this website really, really ain't causing any problems...what you say sometimes does! Am I Effing well (sorry, but if it's good enough for David Cameron, it's good enough for me!) wasting my time with you!!
LOOK back at most of your posts, particularly the replies.
Most replies are worded in the form of "well Julia, we know what you're saying, but"
That's because most of your posts seem to come with a hand grenade attached to them!
Don't get me wrong Julia, most of your posts make perfect sense!It's just that if they weren't posted so "factual" )t from this one which, to be fair, I think is total boll**ks as most of is here DONT set out to lie, it's just that, as with most transsexual people the pressure builds up over the years to transition because "other" life circumstances take control!
Why for instance did you say to me recently that you've been on this site far longer than me therefore I shouldn't "judge people"
If I'd been on this site for FIFTY years I still wouldn't do that! (Though I know, in a way I'm doing that right now, but only to TRY to make you see that you are valued here, much as you think you're not!)
Being here longer than me doesn't give you the right to do that either!
Why is it that even some of your closest friends here seem to have to justify what you are trying to say??
When I post something, I try to post it in a way that doesn't hurt anybody, maybe I'll get a "like" or even a difference of opinion, which is great, as nobody is right ALL the time, and, I'm open to persuasion
NOBODY here is right all the time (including you!)
DONT go Julia!
What purpose does that serve??
Just please, please do be a little more considerate to others when posting....who knows, if you post something nice you may surprise a few people!!
Including me!!
Love, Linda xxx

This post was edited by Linda T at September 13, 2014 5:44 AM BST

Could you spare a few minutes just to look and listen to this I have just uploaded to youtube and just ignore the images of me and hashes at the start covering some words up ,most of this is about a year old.

Last time I deleted my account here Crissie told me it had her in tears listening to this.

It is a love song really but , to me it says a lot about life.  I recorded my own version of this in female voice but I have cut it off at the end.

 

The words in this song relate to us! How many more decades will it be untill we finally get it right? We are decades behind every single part of society FACT , we are the slowest evolving species on this planet and that is a FACT.

 

Take care , Julia

 

http://youtu.be/JXwKk6mc5yU

This post was edited by Former Member at September 13, 2014 11:55 AM BST

Amanda Bruce said:

Julia - you keep threatening, time after time, to leave this site.  I for one, would deeply regret it if you did.  You always have a strong point of view - and that certainly livens things up.  Really though, it is " Different strokes for different folks".

 

How about you just stick with us?

I second this motion. : )

Julia,

You are one person I hope never leaves here.  You make us (me) think and that is something I don't have to do much anymore.  So many times you open my eyes and I'm sure others feel the same.  You tell it as you see it and only a true friend would have the guts to do that.  I, for one, am very thankful and grateful you spend time with us.

THANKS.

 

Bobbi

Julia,
I don't think there are many if any members here who think you set out to offend them. Possible exceptions:

1) members whom you don't give a fair chance to know the real you.
2) members (using the term lightly now) who aren't genuine and may actually need to be offended.

The problem with 1 is that not giving people a fair chance to know the real you means you aren't giving yourself much chance either. You could afford to be more understanding of other viewpoints and you could afford to show soft, sweet, caring Julia a little more and 'tough love' Julia a little less. We've discussed it before and we both know how you actually prefer to be. Given the chance, Linda might word it differently (perhaps she just means within this thread) as I don't think she'd really be surprised if you posted something nice...you do it all the time. I think your last post, the "Could you spare a few minutes just to look and listen to this..." one gets to the heart of your message here much more effectively. I can see your frustration with our fear to be ourselves, and the confidence you wish to instill within us. You want to empower us, you want the world to change (as we all do) but maybe a little faster than it can.
Another thing you've said is that "This is really all about awareness but no one seems to get it.". So, let me ask you, does it ever don on you that if no one seems to get it, perhaps you might be missing something (too)?

The problem with 2 is that it's too easy to 'scare off' legitimate members with this approach. Be watchful, be protective, but be careful of the dangers of 'vigilante justice' and at times jumping to conclusions.

Now, I've 'seconded Amanda's motion'. Let me add that if there's anything that I find 'offensive' and I'm using that term lightly now, it's that you keep 'threatening' to leave. So quit that, not the site. You are loved, admired, respected, and valued too much around here for any more of that nonsense.
This post was edited by M G at September 13, 2014 4:47 PM BST

I do not know how to start this so first I will go back to why I started this thread "Awareness" I may have gone about it the wrong way but I guess it got some attention.

When will others ever learn not to enter a serious relationship to end up destroying it? Not just destroying the relationship but hurting others in that family. I am not justifing myself here now by bringing up my past.

 

When I first came out my life was not easy! I had to find determination  inside of me I never knew I had just to be accepted , it worked.

From those first few months I learnt how hard people can make life for others whom they deem different! I had to do something about it. So I started out on my own personal crusade ,  meeting with the media and certian organisations.

In those meetings and armed with certian infomation obtained from The London Gender Clinic I started thinking how can I do my part to help put an end to it "The ignorance mixed with the hate from the minority". I am not an activist and never have been I just needed to do something to help put a stop to it , because I had a taste of it and it was not nice.

So certian people and organisations started using me and I was okay with that but some things I was asked to do were not really working. I started putting my brain in gear and thinking of my ways to get the message out not just doing what they wanted me to.

The ideas I came up with were so simple. I was invited to give a talk to 800 Students at a University. That was my turning point I think.

I was asked if I could give a talk followed by answering questions which I ageed to do. I did not even give a thought on what I was going to say , I walked out on that stage and looked at rows and rows of faces from both genders. I opened my mouth , I asked without thinking , are any of you here transgender or think you maybe? Nothing happened, I told them to just put your hand up , nothing happened but , I knew out of 800 there were some in there.

So I talked and talked some more and , could have talked all night. Then came the questions! They were easy to answer , things like when did you know and how did you handle it ect.

I had gone way past the amount of time I was told it would take but I was okay and the students were happy but I was given a piece of paper saying 5 more minutes please.

How could I use those 5 minutes? I went back to the very first question I asked "Are any of you transgender or think you are"? There was a slight pause but a miracle happened "Eight Students raised their hands" RESULT 1% of them had the courage to admit it so why? Because they could see there was no shame in it.

I had gone way over my time and after mixing with some of the students afterwards I had missed my last train home so I spent that night in a hotel.

 

When I arrived home the next day I knew I had done some good because my inbox was packed with Thank you's and messages from some who said I had given them some hope and their secret was now out. The last thing I said before walking off that stage was , to those of you that never raised your hands just treat the ones that did with the respect they deserve , it took courage so treat them well. I will never forget that day and night in my life.

 

There have been many things I have done but that one has to be the best in my mind. In my home town I thought about giving an award to the most Trans friendly retailer , I past the idea around but no one wanted to do the ground work or pay for it so I did. I never knew untill the decision was made on who to present it to how hard it be to give a retailer some recognition. I spent close to 2 hours speaking to one woman at head office , she was very helpfull and eventually I was given permission to present it. Even that got my mind working because she mentioned another department of their business whom I am still in contact with.

 

My ugly mug is also on an awareness poster that is in the back of retailers here in Ipswich and further accross the UK.

I am ending this here because I could go on and on. If anyone here or away from here thinks I have done the things I have done for fun or attention then think again. There is only one reason I have done the things I have so far, because I know how hard it was. It is not about me and never has been , it is all about awareness because I have felt the isolation , I have felt the pain and the insults to my gender. I just want it to end , not for me I am fine now but for others. If just one young or older trans prson is reading this thread then I hope they can see that entering any relationship and attempting to hide it just expect the fallout , just take the chance and be honest before you fall in love and more so have children , it is not worth the pain.

 

To put it bluntly as I mostly do

 

I care! Believe it or not I care about others and I care about this website.

 

 

Take care and thank you all , Julia.

This post was edited by Former Member at September 14, 2014 4:12 AM BST

I would just like to add. In all of the years I have been a member of this website I have most times been forced to delete my account by one member , not the same member everytime.

I could put links here going back years.

One example is from a former moderator. In a thread she was doing my head in, she was telling members in not so many words that a certian part of transition seemed to be the most important thing in the world , it was not to me and should never be to anyone else but she was not having it. I argued my case over and over and the only thing that put a stop to it was my final post to her in that thread. It ended , if you do not stop this I will give my next response in Dutch because you do not seem to understand English. It is wrong for a moderator or anyone to put others off transitioning based on her own personal opinion , which was a very selfish opinion.

 

I wish to thank you all for your support and for putting up with me. One thing I do know is without me this website would be a bit dull at times. I can be a pain in the arse but its who I am.

 

Take care , Julia x