I am new to the site and new to my commitment to Carol my female parsona. I am make and masculine most of the time, but there is a part of me that is feminine and passive and maybe downright submissive. I have met a nice man and I am being a relationship with him and I am looking for all kinds of advice. He has given me a list of instructions to follow that are quite reasonable and I plan to follow them. One of the instructions is to learn more female characteristics and learn and practice them, e.g. learn to walk with a sway of my ass, talk in a slow, soothing voice. Does anyone have other characteristics that would help improve me as Carol?

Hi Carol;

First, we're glad you're here. You might find some pertinent information by looking in our forums. There's information on everything related to your quest. Please be sure and ask members also. They may just the information because they may have completed the journey you're just beginning. Again, welcome and let us know how we can help you. here is the link to our forums. http://gendersociety.com/forums

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marissa

Hi Carol-

Great question, and welcome to the beginning of this wonderful journey. I started my trip more than 45 years ago. Today, I believe that I have one of the most fulfilled and richest lives of anyone I know.

I will provide my opinions to you in the following list.

1.  It is essential for you to determine the degree of your attraction to becoming female as soon as possible.  I suggest that you see a councelor with experience in this question. Then talk to people in confidence and look at GS threads. Then spends hours, weeks and a few months debating the question with yourself. Just think.

2. If you conclude that you want to move forward, try to envision the various stages that you might want to reach such as; just dressing elegantly at home, dressing and passing as a woman in public, taking hormones or other ways to make yourself more feminine, or a full transition to a female with surgery.  Your opinion will change as you go along, so do not be concerned about making hard and fast decisions.

3. Realize that this can be a long and beautiful road if you keep control of your mind and emotions. Don't ever be too hard on yourself.

4. Think about the consequences of your decision on yourself and all of the people around you. Then make the best compromise possible to ensure that no one is severly damaged by your decision.  You will have stages of doubts. I have nearly burned all of my fine clothes several times, but did not.

5.  Now comes the hard part and it is by definition one that is slow. It is my OPINION that if one is to be really happy as a female, one must do the things that are realistically possible to have the body, face, posture and characteristics of a female. After you have these, the voice training will come when you start going out in public. If one is tall and overweight these limitations can be resolved.  I wanted to be a glamorous female and I am tall. So I started on a mainly vegetarian diet to get me to to the weight required, 168 pound at nearly 6 ft. tall. There are plenty of gorgeous genetic females walking the streets, but they have trim shapely figures.

6.  Remember these changes will come slowly, so relax, but remember and keep on the goal.  I started reshaping my figure so that my waisteline is a bit higher by wearing a body shaper and a wide belt that I can shorten as my waist becomes smaller. I still do this daily. This is really slow. I was 36-38 inches and now I am 29-30 depending on how much wine and snacks I eat daily. My meals are veggie and I eat European portions (the secret to weight control). I eat well.  Then I learned from looking at attractive females what clothing to buy. I buy elegant clothing (and lots over the years) which shows my figure in an artful and shapely way. I buy mainly conservative blond wigs which are appropriate to the contours of my face; but since I have many years, I wear less attention attracting wigs in the bright sunshine. I studied and learned makeup which I now do myself. In general less is better, it should look natural and not caked on or radical. Just look good.  My decision has been to just dress as a female without hormones or any surgery. I do want slightly larger breasts which I am trying to improve with herbs.

7. Your path and decisions are going to be, rightly so, different from mine.  It would be hard for me to visualize that anyone on this site has had the range of total female experiences that I now enjoy in an exceptionally enriched life.  Here comes the question of compromise and how much or any at all. My wife of many, many years is intellectually accepting of all people, but she does not want to participate in my female life.  We reached a compromise where I have my section of the house and I go out in the evenings to dinner or dancing a few times each month.  For a bunch of reasons I have decided not to inform either my adult children or friends that I am really female. This is a big compromise which you and many other people may not understand.  In fact, I would be happier to live as Jacqueline every second of my day.  The art to this is to make compromises which in the final analysis are comprehensively healthful and pleasing my brain and psyche.

8. Finally, go slowly, think about everything and be decisive in the end. If one considers everything, the beauty in my life far exceeds my most optimistic expectation. All of this can be yours, but it requires committment and dedication to progress.

With my best thoughts.

Jacqueline