Out or not?

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  • This for everybody here.

     

    Have you come out to friends and family, and if you have, were there any upsides or downsides.

     

    If you have not, do you think you should, either for them or for yourself?

      January 30, 2015 9:16 AM GMT
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  • Yes, only my brother, David ( a leading Child Psychiatrist ) does not want to meet Hannah ( but, is happy to talk about her ), otherwise no problems so far, even in my local village Pub where the only talk is football. It remains to be seen what will transpire in the macho world of Clay-Pigeon Shooting, now I have restarted, as Hannah (after a twenty year break, when I had been CPSA 'AA' class for a while after winning the English and French 'Opens' ).

     

    My sister-in-law, Jane, never warmed to me, has always been very polite and distant; and, now David has asked if he has my permission to show her a photo of Hannah, she is my warm and caring sister, encouraging me to share the kitchen ( and her culinery/baking secrets ) with her. i cannot believe the sudden change; but am most grateful and consider myself fortunate ( or as the Americans say - 'blessed' ).

     

    My ex work colleagues are nearly all female; and, due to meet Hannah during the course of this year, on their 'girls' events. I will meet the 3 males that matter to me, individually or together, over a meal- probably in the Manchester 'Village' - to set the scene.

      January 30, 2015 11:17 AM GMT
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  • Coming out for me was easy Amanda because if I had not have done so when I did I would have ended my life.

     

    The downsides! I lost my family but I had never fathered any children and had no wish to as I could foresee problems , I am pleased I had that foresight. I lost a few friends but I was such an unsociable old git I never had many.

     

    The upsides! I am happy , I am very sociable and have what I consider to be a good life and now running my own business that is not trans related in anyway. I have far to many friends and I blend in with the rest of society and am accepted as a woman but , I will never deny my roots to anyone. Me telling others of my past is just my way of raising awareness and showing them that I have no shame in who I am but could no longer be what I was , therefore giving hope to others that may not yet be out for whatever reason.

     

    Take care xxx

      January 30, 2015 4:35 PM GMT
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  • I have come out to my wife. She was a little upset at first because she didn't like that I was hiding something this important from her. It's not that she had a problem with me crossdressing - she has been very supportive of that. It was that I did not share it with her earlier. Fortunately, we have worked through that.

     

    It also helped that she watched me dress one day and then we went out. She was relieved to find that I was still the person she married - just dressed differently. 

     

    It's wonderful to have someone so understanding and supportive in my life. I am very lucky.

     

    Millie

      January 30, 2015 6:46 PM GMT
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  • Millicent - that's quite a common theme among wives. It's not the fact that you dress, it's the fact that you were hiding something from them. It comes down to trust. Secondly, they usually want to understand how far you are going with it. Being TV is very different from being TS for example. Are you gay? Do you want a sex change etc etc. 

     

    Coming out is very personal and individual, and so is who you come out to. There is no need to come out to those people who are unimportant in your life. 

     

    Every woman is beautiful, some show it with their faces, others show it with their hearts.
      February 2, 2015 7:18 PM GMT
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  • Nikki,

     

    As we discussed, this is it exactly. I thought she knew, and she did, but not to the extent I was doing it. It's a little easier since I am only a crossdresser. I have only the mildest, if any, interest in being with a man, and am happy with my male biological gender and my ability to use dressing to express my female self. And I am incredibly lucky to have a loving and caring wife who understands and supports me.

      February 2, 2015 8:28 PM GMT
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  • You are very lucky Millicent, to have a partner that is so understanding, as it doesn't always work out that way for many. Quite often though, once your wife undertands that you are still the same person, the two of you can usually find a compromise. The difficulty comes when such a compromise can't be reached, for instance if the TV/CD wants to dress more and more or go out more often dressed and the wife or partner has no 'man time'. 

     

    As you say, you are happy with your male gender so I doubt that will be an issue for you. 

     

     

     

    Every woman is beautiful, some show it with their faces, others show it with their hearts.
      February 3, 2015 2:08 PM GMT
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  • Thank you all for getting on board and taking the time to comment.  I am in a VERY fortunate place, in that we had the "coming out thing" several years ago.  For me, at the time, it felt disastrous, because I had completely misunderstood how Catriona felt. Over time, it became clear that her concerns were NOT about her, but about me.  Her main concern were around what would happen if I continued to deny what I was - and it took a LONG time to get over that.  Communication and trust are what make things work.

     

    I have significant birthday coming up. Catriona says "Amanda, you really do need a decent watch.  Why don't we go to the mall (we have them here in Spain) and get one. Good Heavens!  Done deal!

     

    Take care all.  Love yourselves and each other,

    Amanda

      February 3, 2015 8:05 PM GMT
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