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How to beat depression

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  • We have all been there or most of us have , so how can you beat it and not allow it to beat you. I can only speak from my own experiences but it worked. Before my transition I was being treated for depresson but for a different reason than Gender Dysphoria. My partner of 23 years had died suddenly and I hit a real low. I was put on anti depessants but after a while (a year) I knew I had accepted my partner was gone. I was still depressed though and it was my Gender or living a lie that was causing it.

    I was on the verge of ending my life and not affraid to do it. I decided to talk to my doctor about it because the only thing I was going to lose was my life or have a chance of having one. Talking to my doctor about my gender identity saved my life , it not only saved my life but gave it back to me because at the time I had no life.

    Anti depressants cover things up and are not a cure. I decided I will not need these things if I just lived my life as I was meant to. Without my doctor knowing I decreased the dose untill the last pill. That last pill was a new begining for me. I had changed my gender role full time and I was happy.

    I am not saying it is easy for everyone but to me it was. My choice to live or die was a choice I made because I had nothing to lose , I was going to end it all so it was worth a chance. Yes I took some crap from my family and others who knew the old me but I was so determined to do this. I done what I did very alone apart from my doctor. She supported me after my family disowned me and she still thought I was on anti depressants and told me they were helping me as she could see the difference.

    I then told her I had not taken any for over 6 weeks. The truth is it was me being true to myself that she could see. She saw the change that being myself had done not the pills.

    I will never allow myself to go back there again. I have never looked back only to compare my old life to my new one. I know we are all different but , if you can find something to aim for and be so determined to do it then you can. I am nothing special and have no super powers so if I could find the strength to do it then anyone can if they just search for it. It is there inside of you if you just look deep enough and want it bad enough.Being yourself is the most natural thing in the world and if anyone tells you different then they know nothing.

    Take care xx

      March 31, 2015 1:35 PM BST
  • I can only speak for myself and say that I have never had an issue with depression as it is. The best I can reason about this is this : much like Julie has noted about choices and self-determinism I feel much the same. From an early age on, I always reasoned regardless of how full the glass is, it simply is and I have to figure out how best to deal with it. Also I have been fortunate in the sense that I have always had a mind-set that predominately thinks forward. What 'is' is in some sense only is what 'was'. One has to look to what can be. Over time I have come to see myself as the girl who is a blend of two precious metals - 'optimism' and 'realism' - I cannot say what the amount of each is needed, only that for a given moment each is needed in reasonable dose to keep balance. The final word I have on this matter is this - there came a day when I decided that all things are essentially a question mark - I am the person to bend each of these to some degree to become an exclamation mark once I deem it a question I need to ponder, pursue, and answer. Each question may take days, weeks, months, even years, but that is the way of things. Only that I am the solution seeker. These things, along with Julia noting that it all comes down to being oneself, are what keep me away from depression at all times for some reason. 
    All the best in your journey.
    Take Care,
    Hugs, Briana : )
      March 31, 2015 6:30 PM BST
  • If you know someone who needs help for depression, Consider this. Part of the problem is that she may be suffering from mixed anxiety and depression - depression is causing her to feel bad, and the other part is that her negative thinking about her life situation is just adding to that.

    Both these things can be dealt with by a combination of proper medication and a course of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.  It is a form of therapy that addresses problems in a direct and targeted way and is brief compared with most other therapies.  

    The first thing she needs to do is to see her Doctor – he will give her a full diagnosis and if appropriate, start her on a suitable anti-depressant medication.  He will also want to rule out any physical cause of what she is experiencing.

    Depression is seen as a chemical imbalance in the brain, just as diabetes is a chemical imbalance in the body.  Diabetics take medication to stay well, why shouldn’t she?

    She should not be afraid of taking medication – it could really help turn her whole life around

    Two important issues about this - when she is on medication, she must  take it at the correct dose and as prescribed.  It is no use missing doses or messing around with the dose.

    Secondly, she should know that anti-depressants can take up to 8 weeks from the start of therapy before they begin to show beneficial effects, so it's no use quitting after two weeks.

    Thirdly, medication is good at controlling they symptoms of depression.  So far so good, but it does not deal with the causes of a person’s depression – that needs a different approach.

    I mentioned CBT, it is the best available and is based on the fact that what we think in any given situation generates beliefs about, and reactions to that situation, and also causes the behaviour and feelings which flow from those beliefs and reactions.  

    These ‘automatic thoughts’ are so fast that generally, we are unaware that we have even had them.  We call them ANTS (automatic negative thoughts) for short.  

    If the pattern of thinking we use, or our beliefs about our situation are even slightly distorted, the resulting emotions and actions that flow from them can be extremely negative and unhelpful.  The object of CBT is to identify these ‘automatic thoughts’ then to re-adjust our thoughts and beliefs so that they are entirely realistic and correspond to the realities of our lives, and that therefore, the resulting emotions, feelings and actions we have will be more useful and helpful.  

    Cognitive therapists do not usually interpret or seek for unconscious motivations but bring cognitions and beliefs into the current focus of attention and through guided discovery encourage clients to gently re-evaluate their thinking.   

    Therapy is not seen as something “done to” the client. CBT is not about trying to prove a client wrong and the therapist right, or getting into unhelpful debates.  Through collaboration, questioning and re-evaluating their views, clients come to see for themselves that there are alternatives and that they can change.   

    Clients try things out in between therapy sessions, putting what has been learned into practice, learning how therapy translates into real life improvement.  

    Please visit this website for much more detailed information on CBT:

    If she cannot afford to see a therapist, there are good free CBT based self-help resources here:

    Make the first step NOW – get an appointment with her Doc, and she can start to get better.

    You’ll also find some very good help here:

      March 31, 2015 6:45 PM BST
  • Thank you Briana and Amanda.

    It is something we need to talk about. As I said I can omly speak from my experiences and it was not a nice place to be. For some it may be hard to block out those negative thoughts and just think positive. We all know the suicide rates are far to high for transgender people and I could have been one of those statistics. I still wonder to this day how I am still here , some here may say that is a bad thing that I am but they do not know me.


    I recently discovered my family who rejected me are trying to find me. Best they not bother because I can never welcome them back into my life again. They are just history to me now and whatever they want they are wasting their time. They slammed the door in my face when I needed them most and they will never see me ever again. Stupid thing is I do still deep down still love them but the hate they showed me that they have I will not and cannot ever forget.


    Take care xx

      March 31, 2015 7:36 PM BST
  • Julia - easy girl.  I know - as far as anybody can know - how deeply you feel hurt and rejection.  If someone is holding out an olive branch to you, at least think about it.  When they rejected you, they were acting upon the information, understanding and social awareness that they had AT THAT TIME. Now, they know better, mostly because of people like you have remained true to themselves.  Julia, you CAN forgive, without forgetting.  Take some time to return the love that they are offering you.  NOW.


    They did just not understand who you are, and they were scared.


    Please accept a GREAT BIG CUDDLE!!


    Your friend, Amanda

      March 31, 2015 9:12 PM BST
  • Amanda I am fine with them out of my life. I do forgive people but they pushed me close to suicide and they knew what they were doing. When it failed they threatened to set fire to my home with me in it. That turned into a police matter. I have a new life and my friends are now my family.

    I have not seen my family for about 9 years and they still owe me £17,000 and as none of them can be bothered to work I doubt they want to give it back to me. I told them way back I was not bothered about the money I said goodbye to that too.


    You need to know them to work them out. I know they want something and it is not my love. The only member of my family I see is my sister and she crosses the road when she see's me. Her husband will stop and talk to me if he is alone and ask if I am okay yet we are not even blood related.

    Far to much time has past and I will not allow them to mess up my life again. I have everything I need and I do not need to be messed about by them. I want to enjoy my final part of my life with no more hurt. I have had to learn to live without them and I made it.


    It is history now and I can talk about it without sheding a tear. Back then when it was happening they never once stopped to think about my feelings. Unless you include wanting to set fire to my home with me in it. I have no bitterness towards them but it does not take 9 years to understand. There will be no olive branch because I am happy and "No one" is taking that away from me. At the very least for all I have been through I do deserve to be happy and that is how it is staying.


    Please accept a great big cuddle back and , as this is only a tiny part of what they done to me I hope you can understand.


    Take care friend xx.

      March 31, 2015 10:05 PM BST
  • I'm a bit late responding to this, on purpose, needing to think about it.


    14 year old school kid, beyond the point of caring crossing busy roads not bothering to look, so what!

    an outcast, a reject. the worst hating my grandmother for departing this life and not taking me with her, obviously reconciled now.   Fond and loving memories, returned.


    My father is dead now,  I have giving up being bitter, he was just an ignorant unaccepting bully, that was his problem not mine.    Mother thats another matter, I'm still bitter, but I'm in a good place now, with somebody who has looked after me since I was 14, been the best mother substitute, understanding and accepting person, helped make me what I am today. 

    Cristine Jennifer Shye.  B/L.  B/Acc
      April 1, 2015 3:30 PM BST
  • Crissie it breaks my heart to read about the way you were treated but I am so pleased you came though it . We have shared things about our pasts and it just goes to show that ignorance is all around us. I made a mistake in my post at the start of this by stating if I can do it anyone can. We know that is not true if we think about people like Leelah Alcorn. She was just 17 years old and walked in front of that truck knowing it would end her pain. I wish I could have been there just to say "Stop Leelah I understand and I will help you".


    Familys can be the most hurtfull and uncaring people on this earth when it comes to understanding. It would seem or should that they would be the ones that care the most and not the least. Life is not like that though is it?. You have told me about your substitute Mother and I want to thank her for making you the woman you are today. You obviously have taken after her by sharing your care for others as she did.

    You are now a loving family and you deserve all the love taken from you when you needed it most. We move on don't we?. Thank you for being there for me too.



      April 1, 2015 5:12 PM BST
  • We do move on Julia.  Sometimes there are things that we simply cannot forgive.  Psychobabble says we can. but in reality, sometimes it IS impossible.  I hope that I was not offering you some anodyne panacea.  Simply, that at the bottom of my heart, there was some faint hope of reconciliation.  I was wrong, and I apologise.


    Crissy, for you, I can only say how happy I am that you have found a safe place, a happy place with someone who will help you reach your potential.


    Hugs for Julie, Crissy and Cass!

      April 1, 2015 8:08 PM BST
  • Amanda I know your heart is in the right place and there is no need to apologise. There is to much to what they done to even begin to explain here and they did know what they were doing to me. I have made a new life for myself and even the thought of allowing them back into it feels self destructive. It may sound like they want to make it all up but it will end up destroying me , I am not going to let that happen.


    I can never compare myself to Crissie and never would but , we have both endured things as children that no child should ever have to. We both made it though and in some strange way to me it made us better people. It made us understand and empathise.

    As friends we can relate to each other knowing what true pain is but also now true happiness. We both have new lives now and we both have our happiness we do deserve. Crissie is very safe now but she knows just where to find me if she ever needs to. I am so so proud of her and so pleased I discovered such an amazing woman who made more than a mark on my life I can never forget.


    Take care xx

      April 1, 2015 8:59 PM BST
  • Depression is a seious health issue that should be beat as soon as possible. Depression leads to several health problems in men as well as women. It cause impotency problem in males. There are various ways to beat depression. One should start a new hobbie like singing, dancing, cooking, reading etc. as these hobbies are best to beat depression.

    This post was edited by Cristine Jennifer Shye. BL at December 8, 2015 5:16 PM GMT
      September 1, 2015 6:33 AM BST
  • Eric. ?!?!?! Hobbies help ya.. but .. I dunno if your ED drug spam is appropriate.. just saying..

    As someone who struggles with serious depression and has not beaten it (realizing I never will fully probably) I will say exercise and finding friends who can support you is key. Learning to identify it and being able to moderate negative feelings is key. When you get to that really deep hole climbing out can seem impossible. I think it is possible to train yourself in a similiar manner as to coping with anxiety/panic attacks (which I have too). For me , it took many episodes and years to be able to identify a way to put it in perspective. I almost have trained myself to disconnect now and reboot. I'm not sure if this will help anyone , I'm just explaing what I can do. I got to a point I was so sick of panic attacks and depression ruining me I actually tell myself to disconnect. It's like I get mad almost I'm feeling so bad and say STOP.. blank out, go walk, go bike, clean something,  do something that makes you not think a while and in the process look for something simple that you can find interesting or have some positive meaning outside of yourself. It is not a cure but difuses it for me.


    The family stuff is the hardest. Nothing cuts deeper than being let down by loved ones in times of need. I have had problems especially recently with my family as my father ages and had a stroke and is less and less capable in showing empathy, a bully brother who for years was abusive towards me and we are now at an impass where it is healthier to just avoid each other and another brother who has disconnected basically from family completely because of the dysfuntion (he has a point too lol I love him lots). In the end though YOU DO HAVE CONTROL. It is possible to love yourself. Get mad and work for it. YOU deserve it. Sounds blunt I know but this is a hard cold fact and what gets me by. It isn't easy to do and I hope this made some sense. I'm not being dismissive of depression.. rather being dismissive of letting it gain control ruin and kill me. The mind CAN be manipulated with work. Do it for the love in yourself!

    Jessica Nova
      September 6, 2015 12:27 PM BST
  • Eric, self medication is NOT appropriate in depression.  The fact is that many family practitioners (GPs in the UK) simply do not have a good grasp of what they are dealing with.  How much training do these folks get in mental health issues?  Very little.

    I am not putting down the average GP.  They are incredibly valuable.  However, at least they have some training in this area.

    If you think you need meds, then see your Doc.  Probably better than DIY!

      December 7, 2015 3:07 PM GMT
  • OK, this is about 2 years after the event, but I am new here, so am hitting the backlog for topics.


    I am very familiar with depression.  I pretty much started at 12 with mild depression.  I didn't have many friends at school and suffered quite a bit on the bullying front.  Well having all of my fingers broken, two broken ribs and a broken nose, along with various other injuries before I went to secondary school tends to send a clear message with regard to popularity.  I suffered from depression for about ten years.  I eventually found a workaround, that pretty much meant identifying all of my weak areas and tackling them piece by piece.  Not ideal.  But pretty much self hate, loathing, the whole nine yards.  I pulled out of it, but it was not easy.  The problem was that I was too close to the problem and could not find a way out.  The thing is, it didn't need to take that long or be that severe.  The solution is simple.  Ask for help.  Get any help that you can.  You are not alone and should not have to suffer on your own before finding your answers.


    Use your GP.  They will try simple medication, or get you a referral.  But be honest with yourself and them.


    I hpe this helps somebody.



      April 18, 2017 10:32 PM BST