Sorted

• Posted by wendy larsen May 20, 2005 Filed in Society Girl's Personal Blogs 861 views
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  Perhaps people would sometimes be wiser to do as I say and not as I do. I had a near-fatal disaster this month. The part of me that has run my life for most of it....ran into a situation that was "intolerable" (the details that made this seem intolerable are a long series of stories of crisis and rescue and endless years of protecting part of my life from destruction/loss. My reaction to it was a reaction, not just against the individual, but all those who had attacked me before him. I just was pushed beyond my exhausted and emotionally defenseless self's ability to cope. Fortunately, it seems that Wendy's ability to handle a crisis was far better than I had credited her. I do remember posting to somone about how unacceptable solutions were sometimes acceptable if we examined them closely. I talked about this in my recent blog, referring to my disaster above. In retrospect, it's hard to imagine I considered the action that I did consider. I can only say two things. It seemed like a good idea at the time. It forced me to change, fast, in a way that seems to have been good for me. I feel so .... relaxed. I think the heat of the traumatic "fires" fused me in some way that amalgamated my parts into one more fully integrated. Time will tell. What made me "choose wisely", as the Indiana Jones movie put it, was everyone I know, most of them at TW. I could not just act to meet only His needs. After all, he was just a creation designed to protect me....and he was about to destroy my life. He was about to hurt my friends with his behavior. He had to be removed from control. As Joni might say: "Slowly.... put down the nuclear strike codes and step away from the briefcase, Mr. President." I have a new trust and faith in Wendy...myself, that is. I'm willing to let "her" run my life. She's earned that trust....and "she" is me, the me I wanted to be long ago. Tommorow will be one year at Trannyweb. I'm going to be ok. "Sorted", as my British Sisters would say. No, "Brilliant".