Finally I did it. Managed to conquer the nerves & shakes and went outside en femme, in public for the first time. AND WHAT A GREAT FEELING. I was buzzing.
I thought I'd better wear something fairly sober for this first venture, on the outside at least, so I chose a blue calf length A line skirt, one of my favourites, a simple purple V neck top with 3/4 sleeves and a blue jacket. Underneath I was wearing a matching set of cream silky bra, briefs and a suspender belt. A pair of nude coloured Pretty Polly lace top stockings and my blue high heel court shoes. Once I was dressed I spent ages getting my make up right, pale blue eye shadow, mascara & a red lippy. I'm very used to making up so it wasn't that that was going to give me away! I chose a pair of ear rings and a gold chain, and my wig completed the transformation, shoulder length dark blond (the official colour is light chocolate) with bangs that curl in around my chin. A check in the mirror and all looked fine. Time to go. I grabbed one of my SO's handbags (she's a passion for bags so there was a good choice), and a coat and headed for the car.
I've got this far before, but always been too nervous to venture out onto the street, I always think I must look so obvious, or that people will start saying things or point or laugh out loud, or that I'll get beaten up or that someone would recognise me. This time I'd been determined to conquer those fears and get out. My wife had a weekend away planned for some time so I'd had plenty of time to steel myself. (In fact with my wife away, I've been en femme all weekend...from the minute I got home on Friday night to now)
I drove into Lancaster and parked up by the castle. Still fighting nerves I sat there for a few minutes while a family walked by. When the coast was clear I thought to myself "Rachel, now is the time, you've promised yourself this, an afternoon in town, if you feel OK then perhaps buy yourself a new dress as a reward. It's now or never girl" I gave another nervous check in the mirror, straightened my hair, thought OK, everything'll be OK, don't make eye contact, don't bump into anyone, be confident. I took a deep breath, and stepped out.
I was as nervous as hell, and felt that I was shaking. After going 20 yards or so, when the first person walked towards me I thought "This is stupid, just go back to the car, save yourself from embarrasment". But I didn't, I headed off down the hill and into Market Street. I tried to walk confidently, and look ahead rather than down. I glanced at faces as I walked, my hairstyle will allow me to do this furtively, and other than an odd glance people just walked by. I hadn't known what to expect at all. But as I walked I thought, to everyone else I'm just another woman on the street, Why should they bother about me?..what's so special that they should look hard? I would have worried if they hadn't if I had the looks and figure of a model, but I havn't, so blending in was what I wanted. So I started to feel less panicked, My paces became longer and slower and I looked around more, less at the pavement.
I became more relaxed and started to enjoy myself, started to feel all the sensations that I enjoy so much about dressing, the feel of the skirt around my legs as I walked, the sound of my heels on the pavement, my breasts jiggling slightly with each step, even just the simple fact of wearing favorite lingerie. I started to catch reflections of myself in shop windows, and thought "hey you look pretty good girl".
I stopped worrying about whether I was being read, thinking to myself well if I am then at least I'll be the topic of converstaion somewhere! I actually think that I am fairly convincing, but of course someone will spot me, but I didn't mind anymore.
After a while I was feeling relaxed enough to stop and look about me. I decided that I would make for one of the major stores. I'd decided that if I felt OK that I would buy myself some new cosmetics maybe, or some new clothing. This might involve speaking and that would be another hurdle to overcome, my voice is naturally quite deep. In the end I settled for just browsing the clothing rails in half a dozen stores. This was an amazing feeling. Normally when I'm in drab and I buy clothes I have to really psyche myself up for it, aware that it must look odd for a man to be looking throught the skirts & blouses in M&S or wherever. But as Rachel I felt no nerves, I could just spend time looking at combinations. As far as I'm aware, no one batted an eyelid, and like I said I didn't mind anymore.
After and hour or so...the parking ticket was about to expire...I headed slowly and a little sadly back up the hill and headed home.
It was a great experience to finally be Rachel properly, in public, doing normal things. Not existing only indoors, wondering whether your neighbourghs are going to pass the window and discover your secret. Frankly after yesterday I don't mind if they do know...Rachel is part of me...and a bigger part after yesterday.
To anyone not public yet...GO FOR IT, it's not one tenth as bad as you think it will be.
Lots of Love
Rachel Rebecca

Well done Rachel Rebecca.
Once you get over the initial nervousness it's not too bad being seen in public is it?
And with modern shopping - where we queue to have a cashier - you hardly have to speak so there is not so voice needn't give you away.
And how many older ladies look like men? There is no definite look for a female. Too much make up can be a giveaway rather than too little.
Well done dear - keep it up now.

Although I've not been out shopping as June I do often carry out simple tasks like walking to the post box at the end of the street and put rubbish out on Monday evenings ready for collection on Tuesday. I think it's these tasks that may be the hardest because it's when the neighbours are more likely to notice. It seems strange that June takes the chance where Alan is known but doesn't take the chance where there is very little possibility of being recognised. I think it may be not wanting to hang around the bus stop or be seen on the bus where people have time to study other passengers.
One day soon June will be on the bus to the city centre.


June XXXXX

good for you!.........I find even little things give me a lift, jewelry, nail varnish, femm jeans and tops, girly glasses (porche,- you know...the one's that go all around the outside!)
Any thing that I think I "get away with". Always surprises me how much, and my gg mates love it too!
G and T's all round I think (or is that t and g's?!)

love and light,you're dressed just right.

Hi Becca,

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!


The first time out is always special, AND you coupled it with one of my favorite things SHOPPING. The interesting thing is how it makes you feel inside. The physical part is good, but it is the mental realization that gets me most. In one word FREEDOM!!

Now, if only our credit cards could stand more frequent trips to the market!!

Hugz,
Michelle Lynn

way to go beccy...I'm WELL proud of you hun!! love maria xxxxxxx

Congratulations! I am sooooooooooooooooo jealous! I'm also very happy for you. I bet you looked stunning!