Hi Rikki

A pity you rendered Akabusi speechless.
I would love to have heard his famous laugh when he realised.

Hugs
Annieb

Ooh I am sure I have been the topic of many a conversation and the butt of not a few jokes in the past month - then if you can't stand the heat stay out of the kitchen - I have learned that the single most essential requirement in coming out very publically is the ability to laugh at yourself - and to openly give people permission to laugh by being the first and loudest to laugh at jokes.

Well I  have finally done it - I have made the final step out of the closet and shut the door - I am so far out now there is probably no way back and to be honest I have no desire ever to go back.

Since May I have only worn male clothes twice - Once to speak at a meeting of professsional speakers and once - the last time to attend a Masonic Lodge meeting in October - I did not realy like doing it - though I did get used to it after a few hours - so I suppose if I needed to be a man for a few days I still could - though my hair, eybrows and nails do give it away a bit.

The final step was a big one - Not only am I a professional speaker - I am the founder of the Professional Speakers Association of Europe and vice chair of the International Federation for Professional Speaking  - so I am well known in the intrnational speaking community.  I had always planned to attend the convention this year and come out on the last night doing a caberet act in drag - but a friend pointed out that this would present the wrong image - I am not a drag act - I am transgender

So in early October I made the decision to go the entire weekend en femme - that meant I had to do some serious shopping - I needed business clothes - I not only had to look feminine - I had to out dress some really well dressed business women - If I wanted to pull this off I had to impress the women - this is the rule girls, women do not dress for men - they dress for other women.

A couple of girlfriends helped me and then a couple of successful sales and I had a complete new wardrobe and I was ready.

Dressed in a sexy black suit and gorgeous Afghan coat I breazed in - No one recognised me - no one even saw anything other than a well dressed women - a few friends who had seen me dressed spotted me and gushed compliments - then the shocks began.

I have not seen so many stunned faces - people who have know me for 120 years introduced themselves to me as if I was a stranger - some needed independant confirmation before they would believe what they were seeing - most wonderful was the complete acceptance by the women.  Poor Kriss Akabusi who I have know for 4 years - stood gawping for about two minutes having totally failed to recognise me until someone else explained - can you imagine that I rendered Akabusi speechess.

I was drawn into a female network that I had been unaware of, that cammeraderie that happens between women in the breaks, in the ladies, at lunch - those female conversations I was included in about make up, clothes and men - I was one of the girls - by Saturday few people were thinking of me as anything but a woman - My appearance got compliments all the time - some were even joking that I should not stand near them.

My caberet act was not the success I had hoped - I was nervous - I lost the plot a few times and my jokes about men and their sexual inadequacies were not a hit with the men - a few even walked out - my poems however moved many of the women to tears - so it was a mixed reception and a good learning experiencce.  I did better the next weekend at a trannie event with the same msterial.  Just goes to show you have to get the right material for the right audience.

Overall the weekend was the most incredible of my life - I finally accepted myself for who I am - and told the world - this is who I am and I like me and since then its as if the breaks have been taken off on my life.  It's as if the universe has just been waiting for me to accept myself to allow me to enjoy being who I am and receive the rewards.

In 2002 I have earned less money than at anytime in my life, I have had more total rejection and confronted more fears than any year in my life.  I have been more scared that I can ever remember, I have done more firsts, I have faced more stress and I have been so broke I could not even buy food - but it has been the most fantatic year of my life.

I have been for the first time totally accepted for who I am and I walk on air.  I have made more friends in one year than the rest of my life and every day I wake up thankful  I have found the courage to face the world boldly and say "This is who I am."

I don't know what is going to happen in 2003 - but it looks good from here and there are still a few firsts to go this year and I am enjoying the experiences now.  There is so little to fear what you have faced this one, it literally scares people.

Speakers all over the world tell us to "step out of the box, break free from our comfort zones and "feel the fear and do it anyway" - then they promptly retreat back into their boxes and comfort zones - When I step out onto the stage now and say "Have the courage to be yourself" - the audience knows I mean it, I live it and I love it.

Rikki:

WAY TO GO, GIRL!!! ;D ;D ;D

You make us proud to know you, even over long distance. Truly, an inspiration. Best of luck in your new life, hon.

Luv 'n hugs,

Jayne Sakura  :)
"Almost-Angel, T-Girl Genius, and Ultra-Flirt"

Hi Rikki

A pity you rendered Akabusi speechless.
I would love to have heard his famous laugh when he realised.

Hugs
Annieb



He was back on form pretty soon - and the laughter was even louder than ever.

Thanks for all your warm wishes girls - I hope you are right about the TV superstar thing - I would love to be a transgender celebrity

Congratulations,and good luck in the future.
Love,Sue.X

Hi Rikki

Congratulations 8). Burned all your boats then! Good luck and I'm sure you are going to be the next TV Superstar.

Hugs

Sarah

I checked out some of Mr. Akabusi's video clips at http://www.akabusi.com to get an idea of what you meant. His reaction to your coming out would've made a great clip.  I wonder how many of your colleagues will use that experience with you in their future speeches...

I know what you mean about those who encourage others to step out of the box while staying in the box themselves. A lot of public figures, parents, teachers, counselors, and other alleged motivators do that. They encourage us to be ourselves, as long as being ourselves falls within the boundaries of their expectations.

Anyway, I'm happy for you, minus the hardships. I hope they are very temporary.