Hi all,
I think I need some advice because my wife doesn't know the true extent of my TV tendencies. I have just read Theora's posts with interest and the replies. I am similar to Theora in many ways. The difference with me is that I never truly told my wife I was a closet TV before we married. Plus we have been married for over 24 years now. I came out of the closet about 5 years ago. Today I feel I want to dress all the time while at home alone. She knows I like to wear lingerie in bed and this helps our sex life. However the agreement we have is that I have to ask her permission before I dress in lingerie. I have asked her of late if I could dress in her clothes as I find it an escape. She thinks this is comical and says she always prefers her man as a knight in shining armour not in "frillies".
What should I do next?
I have made myself a new year's resolution to tell her how I really am.
I am a heterosexual male and we have a reasonable love life. I do not want a sex change and I would not like my family to know I am a TV.
What should I do to further things?
Any help would be gratefully appreciated.
Love and hugs,
Kay xxxx

Hiiya Kay

Her first reaction will probably be OOOOOOOKay as in "he's into his little fetish play" again.

It sounds like you have already told her in the past but that she didn't really understand your preferences. If I were you I would sit her down and explain to her that this is something you enjoy doing and that you would like to be able to carry it out in the privacy of your home, assure her that you aren't going to put on your frillies when the kids come around but you have increasingly preferred to dress this way and it is a part of you that you have always had inside.

Don't flaunt it in her face and give her time to adjust also Don't pinch her clothes! At the very least get your own and wear those. As she already knows that you like to wear lingerie in bed you have an advantage on many posters here.

Good Luck
Jamie

Kay,

Whenever and however you choose, just remember that she will probably react o.k at first, but it will be later, possibly much later when she'll let her real feelings be known.

I came out to my wife four years ago, but recently, her opinion of it become increasingly negative about 6 months ago, to the point that dressing en femme at home always causes an arguement (or at least a nasty verbal remark).

The last month or so, she has become equally critical of what I wear to bed. Any type of frilly/lacy nightie, gown, teddy, etc. was ok, but now I get more verbal jabs if I don't coverup with a robe.

As she states: I married a MAN!

It hurts. I'm still me. These are just clothes that I wear to keep from feeling like I'm living a lie.

I hope all goes well for you and yours.

Best wishes,

Kari
XXX
OOO

Thanks to all of you who have replied.
I truly appreciate the advice.
The next steps.....well I am waiting for the right moment and then..go for it.
Wish me luck!
Hugs
Kay xx

Hiya Shion,
Just read your post thank you so much.
I have mentioned about this website to my SO but she is totally against the Internet and what bad effect she thinks this must have had on me to help me come out of the closet.

It's early days. I will mention it again in a while.

For now a million thanks,
Love Kay xx

Asking for advice on how to explain to your wife (or anyone else's wife for that matter) is a very difficult task for us as only you know how your wife may or may not handle this situation. All women are different and their reactions will be as different as they are. I've told 99% of the women I've dated upfront about my alter-ego and I've seen reactions from one extreme to the other. These reactions can be so unpredictable. The only way I see it is just to go for it and spill the beans so to speak. If your desire to be Kay is what you truly need then you need to be straightfoward with your wife. But....be careful. You have a 24 year marriage that I'm sure means the world to you. Please let us know how things turn out. We're all here for you and offer our fullest support!

Stacy

I think its probably important to not stop talking for long after the initial revelation of being TG. A few days to let your S.O. process is probably a good idea. There must be a temptation to avoid going back to discuss it further, hoping it will sort itself out on it's own. It won't. It's going to require regular and possibly uncomfortable discussions over months or years to resolve all the issues. There is the matter of "Lying by omission" as my ex put it. If you have a therapist, I recomment arranging a session with the therapist at which to come out to your ex. You can then follow up with more sessions of couple therapy to resolve any issues.

You are absolutely right, Sandra. Educating those we come out to is essential. In the mids of emotional turmoil and confusion, expressing your continuing, even increased, love and giving them solid facts to grab onto, can help the person you tell to cope with a life-shaking experience.

While I think everyone's advice here is good, I would like to add NOT to force the issue. There are times when she has to bring it up. It is okay to test the waters first, but if she is unwilling to discuss it at that moment, then leave it alone.

You have every right to be who you are, and to talk about it. But, as you know, not everyone shares that enthusiasm. Good luck.