As some of you may know by my blog i came out to family last sunday.Since then my sister cant get her head round it but is willing to listen but mum is a completely diffrent story as she is not going to except it at all as she puts it shes not going to lose a son before she has too. I have try to get her to look at websites to at least show her that what im doing is not a bad thing. But something i need to do for myself to be true to myself in the end .

They have been going on & on about the fact that i need to think of everything i will have to give up if i chews to go ahead with my transition (like i havent thought it over & over in my mind a thousand times before finally deciding to come out to them) and the way things are looking things aint going to change and it looks like im going to have to go it alone because as far as there concerned once i leave here to start my transition i will not can come back here to ever there words not mine.

So i wanted to know if there is any girls out there who have had to go it alone and if so can you be happy living fulltime without your family beside you for support. Because at this minute in time im feeling as if my insides are being ripped apart by the fact i will have to give up the once i love because i cant give up the dream of being charllet i have kept her lock away too long and i need to follow my heart now i have finally came out.

take care all HUGS LUV charllet xxxccc

ONE BROKEN HEARTED GIRL

Thank you meredith for the kind words and to all the girls here who have helped me over the last 18 months i am glad to have this place to come to and i know im not alone throughout all of this cos i got my sweet Anna-Marie by myside as well as all the kind hearted girls here at TW as well as yourself meredith. I was really just wanting to know of any girls out there had been through or going through transition tthat has had to do it without there familys support and can you be happy at the end of it all knowing your not going to have them in your life anymore .

HUGS LUV charllet XXXCCC

I'm sorry to hear this too :hug:

I came out to woman whos as close to me as a mother about 2 weeks ago.

She was shocked and doesn't really approve but we're still friends and shes not judging me on it so I feel as time passes and she sees I'm happier this way things will get better.

I think that eventually, your family will grow to tolerate, if not totally accept or understand, but it will take some time.

You know that you have a pretty big family right here at TW.

It seems to me that there may at least be some honesty in what your mother says, Charlett. I know my own mother has used some similar expressions - i.e. that she has felt she were "losing me". And that was long before I came out to her last year. And she talked about "me" - which litterally means she was undermining ME. My thoughts, feelings and acts where much the same as before. But there were some small changes and that was enough for her to make that claim. That way of talking does, in my opinion, show a certain kind of manipulation. If she had said "I'm losing my son" I would, of course, have been more alerted by her signals. My guess is that, instead, I was shut up.... in the closet for even longer.

Some similar thing happened three days ago. Once more she had used that old name... while sending me an SMS. And it turned out the message was meant for my youngest sister. I confronted my mother with that. And then she said that most probably they would keep on using that name. Behind my back. I said that either they would have to straighten up or I would have to disown them. Her excuse ? She actually said that "With that other name - it's as if you don't exist anymore." I said much the same as so many others here have done: "But I know I am the same. I have much the same feelings and thoughts, I have the same memories. Even more memories. And feelings. So, it's the same person - but acting differently". Didn't help much.


The way I see it there's some hope as long as there's honesty. If you're mother admits her feeling of loss... perhaps that could be a step on her way to coming to terms with it. There's also some possibilty of confronting her misunderstanding. If she had been evasive and manipulative that could actually be worse. My guess is that subconscious manipulation is one important reason why they could keep us shut up for so long.

I should mention, perhaps, that when I did come out to my mother last year I was really angry - raging even. The last drop was a stupid comment she made about the way I helped my youngest sister and her more than ten years ago. A couple of years earlier my sister had thanked me - said that I truly had acted like a father to her for as long as she could remember. And then, when my mother more or less trampled on my way of acting over all those years. Well, I felt sick and tired of her. A week earlier there had been an incident with my father. And one month earlier there also were this family dinner at my sister's - and I had not been invited. And six weeks earlier there were another family "reunion" at a restaurant. My other sister - back home from the US - had invited my father and some other relatives. And they started to talk about how he used to drive to the train station to pick her up after her dancing lessons late in the evening. My father said - about me: "Heh.. he was sleeping then." Mindless evil bastard.
And the rest of them... I really don't know what to say... I love them, in some way I guess. But they did a good job at turning my life into a living hell.

So, I guess what I'm saying is YES. A girl can have a BETTER life without her family. Doesn't mean there will not be sorrow.


Linda

I'm sorry to hear that, Sandra. We do seem to have some similar problems. That thing with not using a name at all. Seems that has to some extent happened with my mother too.. Sort of a minimum effort.

But you're right. Some efforts aren't really much worth... If I could believe they really tried, I would have no problem with forgiving some slips now and then. The name is, after all a symbolic issue - signifying their beliefs.

And that they should try just as hard when I'm not there... Of course, I don't really expect that. But saying I would have to expect that they don't try at all ? It's destructive.

The real problem, the way I see it: The objective effect - pulling me down. And after years of building sufficient strength. I guess that is where we may be forced to make some hard choices. It's not just a question of "loving our parent's" or whoever it else might be. When I stopped talking to some relatives last year I did that because I simply had enough problems as it is. I could not use my scarce resources on people I could not expect some understanding from, or at least a serious effort.


Linda

Thank you all so much you really have made this girl feel so so much better about things. i will take all advise on board and just hope that my family can see things from my point of view and can maybe come to terms with thing but if not at least i`ll know i tried.So again thank you girls im so glad i have my fellow sisters here a T-web i dont know what i would do if i didnt have this place .

If there ever anything i can do to help my fellow sisters please feel free to drop me a line ([email protected])

BIG HUGS TO EVERYONE LUV charllet xxxccc

Life just seems to be in limbo at the minute mums still walking about like nothings changed still can get her to look at anything to do with transsexual stuff she`s just not going to budge dads still not talking really the odd word every now and then but thats it old fashioned ways i guess just not willing to except change and thats that as far as there concernd. But i can only hope time can bring them round to at least excepting in a small way why i have to do this.

You just do what you have to do hun if your friend cant except that then she wasnt much of a friend in the first place. Why should you go and see a priest i didnt know that being TS was a sin in the first place.The only disease you have hun is that your trying to be true to yourself and finally making yourself truly happy inside and thats a disease i`am well and truly willing and happy to have myself. So forget about her hun and focus on your happiness it`s you that counts here after all hun. Heres wishing you all the best for the future hun take care if you ever need me for anything you know where to reach me hun HANG IN THERE.

HUGS LUV charllet XXXCCC

Hi Charlett
Im an SO (mum) and I have experienced how it feels to be a parent who has a son one day and then the next is experiencing a roller coster of emotions because who I thought was my son is actually my daughter.

I dont think its a forgone conclusion that you will lose your family forever. What you might like to think about is that this is new information for them, unlike yourself, because you have had years of being aware that you are a very special person.

So this has come as an almighty shock for them and given time ( and they may need quite a lot of it) and education,your family may start to see things in a different light, afterall they, like us may never have heard of Transgendered or Transexual before now.

My daughters first action after telling us was to give me a copy of " An open letter to the parents of Transexual children" which I must say really helped,

What I am trying to say is " please be patient and give them time and space to adjust, and above all dont give up hope or burn your bridges with them. Love doesnt die that easily.

We have a beautiful relationship with our daughter and we are all still learning. And you and your family deserve that happiness.

Everybody has the right to be true to themselves.

If you want to ask me any questions, ( I am not an expert) I will be glad to help where I can.

I wish you all the best.

Dorothy xx

Charllet huni, it's breakin my heart to hear this. Why can't they just accept that it's somethin you have to do(even if your mum doesn't understand).After all huni,you're not a murderer or rapist you just want to live your life as you see fit without any unfair pressure from others & in this day and age it's something you should be able to do. As for your broken heart huni, if you do get to move down to Lowestoft then i'll do WHATEVER it takes to mend your broken heart.....and i really do mean WHATEVER! I just Love you SO SO much huni & i aint gonna let you go through this all on your own, What kind of a GF would i be eh my little love bug......

Love & xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Anna-Marie

You may not HAVE to live without your family. People sometimes fool you with their adaptability.

That said, I have lived most of my life away from my family and am much happier than I was when we were all together. This does not mean I do not love my family members, but I would never agree to live as I did as a child. Your mileage may vary. But, trust me, there are many wonderful things in the world to enjoy and be happy about. You can't pick your family but you can pick your friends.

Give your family your best shot so that you won't feel guilty or angry at yourself later...then, if they are still unable to grow, find those who can to fill your life.
Best of luck to you, Charliet.

Isn't it amazing how much understanding modals have....to think we didn't ever think about what would happen when we came out. Geez, don't choke on your banana, rotflmao.

Hey, right now they are thinking about themselves. Give them some time, some knowledge, don't let them turn it into a fight and maybe they will start to think about you again.

Charllet huni, you know i'll do anything if it helps you feel happier. Girls i'd like to thank all of you for the replies to charllets post. I for one, will be by her side throughout cos i love her so very much. tis so nice to see everyone rallyin round tryin to cheer her up......thankyou ALL so much.


Love & xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Anna-Marie