Just dropped in on this webpage accidentally. As always, this type of community seems to be very open minded and pleasant.

I thought about boring everyone with my story. I apologize ahead of time, but I put it out there solely for the reason that someone like me may read it and identify with the thoughts. Perhaps that could give some feeling of not being as alone as many typically feel.

I am a 30's year old CD who began "experimenting" in women's clothes when I was about 9 (all of my mother's clothes fit very well at the time..lol). I was discovered of course, not having the skills to cover my tracks well at that age. This led to "help" in the psychology community. I know that there are great psychologists in some towns, but mine was a joke. My parents are very conservative, and were frightened. The psychologist bought my story that I was just trying things out (it's normal for kids to experiment) and would never do it again... therefore so did the parents.

Of course, I wish it were that simple. I had to suffice with borrowing clothing until I was able to get out on my own. Unfortunately, I was brought up to believe that everything I was doing was wrong. This, of course, led to down feelings and isolation. The sad part is that I never really had any meaningful relationships with anyone. Like many CD's I am not into guys, and like many from conservative families, I was raised on the "no sex until marraige" thought process. My feelings created a very shy persona.

I have since moved on from that version of conservative ideals. I do, however, still hold onto the thought that I should only get that close to someone I truly am into on a deeper level. I tend to be very introverted in many ways, and just like many other CDs I am very closeted. Believe it or not, I still am a virgin, but not because of lack of offers.

Finding oneself is very difficult when you don't fit common molds, even in this community. I have read about different types of transexualism, and I can find many models that fit me. I can find elements of autogynephilia as well as classic elements. When I first was dressing, I was very excited about the process, but there was also a part of me that wanted to be a "real" girl. I now have the means to get my own stuff and I dress in private quite often. I have hit the purges cycles like many others, only to build a supply later. I would be lying if I said that it wasn't a turn on. In fact, that is the autogynephilic part of it. However, I still have that part of me that, if given the chance, would trade all material goods I have to actually be female.

I say material goods, because I still am very close to my family and wouldn't trade that for anything. My job is also a large part of my life, and it is inconsistent with anything but a conservative manner. Therefore I am stuck, but I understand that I am chosing to be stuck in order to maintain my current relationships.

I completely support those who choose to proceed forward with changing their lives to fit their inner person. I am not completely foreign to the subject as I have helped people in this situation before.

As for my own situation, (and I know some people will be offended by this idea - that is not my purpose, please forgive me if you are) anyway... as for my own situation, I almost see it as a handicap of sorts. Nothing as bad as what many people overcome, but something that has put a strong emotional block in my life that, if removed, will destroy my life as I know it. Therefore I actively choose to proceed forward and just take things day to day, hiding my CD/TS/AG -whatever the heck anyone would want to call it. (oh... btw, I hate lumping people into groups for the sake of doing so. I know that the medical field does it with psychological abberations from are considered "normal" (DSM IVR for example), but while that has some uses, it still bugs me.)


Sorry for the verbal emesis, but perhaps someone out there will identify and maybe not feel that they are as "less than the norm" as they thought.

Have a great day!

Crystal

Hi Crystal and welcome to TW. You'll find many stories here that are similar to yours with one common that this is who we are. I am so happy that you found us. TW is a wonderful place and is a real cornerstone of support.
LuvHugKis...Rach

Crystal,

Hiya and welcome to TW!! I know you'll love it here! I hope to see you around often!!

~Valerie x x

Thanks for all of the replies. I always welcome new friends.

Oh, and Wendy, I have also been through the professional training for psychological disorders, including human sexuality along with many other topics. I do believe that the reason this particular topic (TG) is not handled well by the scientific community is that not much is really known about it - more specifically, not much is known with respect to "treatment" (assuming a treatment is even needed). There are many theories, and even some basic science behind some of those, but through my experience, the general rule in the medical field is to focus upon things that can be "fixed" or "cured". I would imagine that initially the medical community was hoping to find what they would consider a "cure" for TG but instead learned more about the actual truths behind it. This led to less resources being devoted to TG study, and consequently, slower research. The medical field is still pretty dominated by males, and by nature, most males like to fix things, not completely understand them.

The medical field is still very, very conservative even though it may desire to seem "open-minded". Therefore the "conservative normal" is for TG to be a disease. Someday this will change. It will take a large phase-out of the old medical ideals about psychology, and more interest in evidence-based psychology. Biophysical medicine is already on the way to becoming more evidence-based. The study of behavior is harder to define due to our extremely minimal understanding of the human brain, but the better we get, the more evidence-based material show find its way to the classroom. Then we will finally see some changes to how TG is viewed.

Have a nice day

Crystal....Welcome. Your story really is not different than many here. You can make friends here. Enjoy.
Kimberly

Crystal,
Welcome to TW. It sounds like you can learn a lot here that will help you deal with being transgendered. First of all, we TGs are on a spectrum that ranges from heterosexual crossdressers to TS. There is no one "right" way to be tg. The key is to learn that you are not alone, that is is not a choice but a result of fetal development/genetics and finally that you cannot, ever, stop being TG. You can stop dressing but you will just be a TG who dresses in drab. The key to it is to learn to accept it and figure out how you will make it part of your life. Another important thing to understand is that not all professionals, in fact I would say most, understand transgenderism. I see you have been searching the "professional" resources. I recently took a professional level course in HUMAN SEXUALITY. The section on TG/TS was full of incorrect and misleading information. There has been a lot of misinformation out there until recent times. Take a good look around the internet. See what other TGs say about themselves and reevaluate your understanding. Try not to put yourself in a "box". Find yourself, don't try to be what others tell you that you should be. If you have read professional works you will understand when I tell you that I favor a neurobiological explaination for transgenderism and that psycho-social factors affect the already transgendered person but do not "cause" transgenderism. We were born this way. We cannot be cured. All therapy can do is help us accept what we are.

Your transgenderism is not a handicap. Society's response to it is.

I think some time spent here, at TW, with your sisters, will help relieve some of the"abnormality" that you feel. We are, as humans, not considered statistically "normal"...but statistics in this area are very questionable. How do you gather statistics on an invisible community that hides out, like Jews in Nazi-controlled Europe in WWII?

Being transgendered is not a sentence to be miserable all of your life, or alone. The Internet has turned us from individuals, hidden in fear, to a community of caring and sharing people....never alone again. Welcome.

Hi there Crystal
Let me be the first from the UK to welcome you to TW. I just know you're gonna love it here....look forward to seeing you about the place.

Love & xxxxxxxx
Anna-Marie