Hi - I'm Rikki and I've just joined TrannyWeb.  Reading the posts I thought my story of coming out might be of interest and of some help. Its a little long - but I have tried to keep it as entertaining as possible.  Enjoy!!  

I first experienced my passion for dressing when I was about 7 years old and followed what I now know to be a pretty normal pattern for the next 43 years. I lived in constant fear of exposure, dressing infrequently and acquiring a few cast-offs to satisfy my hunger.

When I got married I found myself faced with an Aladdin’s Cave of feminine clothing, all of which fit me - I could not resist.  Then she disclosed a fantasy about dressing me up.  Well after a little token resistance, I agreed.  Sadly despite that when I eventually admitted my cross dressing she found it threatening to her femininity. Although I experienced a couple of years of sporadic dressing with her knowledge, when our first child arrived my wardrobe went into the trash and I looked for a cure.  I never found one.

Over the years at least two more wardrobes went the same way.  The marriage failed and I had two more relationships with varying degrees of acceptance, but by now I had a successful business career so was constantly in fear of discovery.  My partners knew and tolerated my dressing and tried to come to terms with it, but there was something more than just dressing in the way.  I was not able to live up to their expectations of me as a MAN.

Many women, I have discovered, want a strong dependable man they can lean on.  One who is financially secure and who carries the burden of life for them.  It’s a powerful stereotype and although I looked the part, I never realised until last year that I was so different from "normal men". I wanted a partner to share with - and one who could herself be the strong part of the time and let me lean on her - Its not just about dressing its about being feminine – sometimes I want to be the venerable wife.  

So at 50 I found myself on my own for the first time since leaving home.  My  partner, having left her strong, dependable and financial secure husband to be with me, felt she had wasted 10 years and was angry and hurt enough to threaten to tell the world my secret. I have never felt so much fear and panic.  It was, I now believe, an attempt to rescue the relationship and shock me into being the MAN she thought I should be.

Well, apart from confiding in her friends, she never did tell, but the threat was real to me and I did not want that hanging over me for the rest of my life.  I had two choices.  I decided that killing her was probably not a realistic option which left - remove the threat.  I had to come out.  

First I plucked up the courage to visit the Way-Out Club in London where I discovered that I needed a lot of help - especially I needed a new wardrobe and make-up lessons.  By December last year, with a little help I had changed my image to the one I have on this site, and armed with that pic in my wallet I was ready to come out.  

In the year since I cannot believe how far I have come.  My hair is now longer and coloured, I have lost nearly 40 pounds, I have more female clothes than male and apart from the days I have to be with clients I am always dressed.

I have told all my family and even been clubbing with one of my sons, I have told all my friends who were almost hurt that I had never told them before.  And it is so easy - I show them the pic and wait for the – “Is this your new girlfriend”, before saying,  "No! That’s me."   I love to see the reaction and the total acceptance that follows.  I have not had a single problem.    

I even wear bootleg jeans and high heeled boots as a guy now.   Well I used to wear them in the seventies when they were fashionable for guys, so what’s the problem now I thought.  And who cares if everyone looks.  As a black friend told me, “If you are different people will look, try being black for a while.”

Thanks to the help from new friends and professional trannie services I can now look so good that on one occasion in Dublin I even stopped traffic.  Yes people look.  And then they stop me in the street to tell me how gorgeous I look, or to ask if they can have a picture with me.  I can cope with that kind of attention.

I have enhanced my body with natural hormones and started taking the real thing.  I have visited trannie venues around the world and made more friends in the past year that in the previous 10.

Of course the changes have not gone unnoticed in my business life. Sometimes the never ending stream of compliments is almost embarrassing. Why is this happening?  My daughter summed it up, she told her mother one day "I have never seen dad look so happy." - That kind of comment is repeated over and over again.
 
So where now? Well I am completely reviewing my life. How can I live a Transgendered Life?  I don't want SRS because there are times when I still enjoy being a guy.  I want to tread the path between the genders - neither male nor female - to be openly transgendered.  I am looking at how I can change my business so that I am free to be who I really am, because I am never going back. And even if the money I earn is reduced as a result of this - I would rather spend the next 50 years being me and being happy.

Every December my biggest client, who has employed me every month as a professional speaker for the past 10 years, holds a fancy dress party for the staff and I attend.  I have always been too afraid to go in drag.  Due to a merger this year will be the last party but they have decided it will NOT be fancy dress!  

This year I will not just be going dressed, I will be wearing a dress that I know stops traffic.  I am even doing a spot of entertainment during the evening.  This will be my official “Coming Out Party”.  

I have no Idea what 2002 holds in store for me but this I can tell you it will be very different from anything I have every experienced before and I can't wait.  

As Robert Frost wrote -
...Two roads diverged in a wood and I...,
I took the road less travelled by
And that made all the difference.

Rikki, that was a great story, and I'm glad you took the time to go into some detail. http://mywebpages.comcast.net/fashionlab/Images/Smileys/Smile01.gif  I've run into the same thing with females who want and expect me to be a typical man, a man who can be the strong leader of the couple. That's not me at all. I can't blame them, though, for wanting the same thing that I want from a partner/spouse.

I'm not out, yet, but maybe it'll happen someday. I am at a point in my life, though, where I always let potential girlfriends know about me up front, before things get too involved. Some will be scared away, but keeping that secret in romantic relationships allows for too much pain down the road.

I'm glad to hear that you, after going through so much, finally found a way to be yourself and be happy. So, has your business suffered much, at this point?