I haven't told yet

  • May 12, 2003 4:46 AM BST
    I am only 16 and have not come out yet. I have been crossdressing for 8 years privately and desperately seek transition, but I am not homosexual. The biggest problem is I am enrolled in an all boys school. I've heard if I start early I could have normal breasts and feminine features. Anyone have some advice?
    • 539 posts
    May 13, 2003 12:26 AM BST
    Coming out is difficult, and at your age you are probably dependent on your parents. Will they have a problem with this, or are they tolerant? Only you can answer this. If there is a considerable risk of complete rejection then you have a bigger problem. Without their support, transition would be difficult at best - you will probably need to become independent first. Also remember that coming out is irreversible. If you come out and then regret it later, there is no going back.

    My family is very tolerant and accepting - I have had no rejection yet, but I realize that I am lucky. Most people are not so tolerant.

    See my post on your thread in the "Hormone City" forum for more ideas.

    Heather H.
  • May 13, 2003 1:45 PM BST
    CHRIS, YOU NEED TO READ A BOOK BY A WOMAN NAMED JUST EVELYN,SHE WROTE IT ABOUT HER TEENAGE SON AND HOW SHE AND THE FAMILY HELPED HIM TRANSITION .THE NAME OF THE BOOK IS "MOM,I NEED TO BE A GIRL" YOU CAN FIND IT ONLINE IN SEVERAL PLACES AND DOWNLOAD IT FOR FREE OR BUY IT ON LINE AT AMAZON.COM PHYLISS-MARIE P.S YOU COULD BE THE CHILD OF A LOT OF US, THAT'S WHY WE CARE AND WILL ALWAYS GIVE YOU THE BENEFIT OF OUR YEARS
  • May 15, 2003 4:24 AM BST
    Hi Chris!

    Without knowing you and your parents I don't feel qualified to offer advice in that way.

    However, trying to relate your position to what my own would have been in similar circumstances, I honestly feel I would have waited on my own to see if it was a 'passing phase' before talking to my parents.

    I stress though, this is not advice, merely a personally-based comment.

    Whichever course you do choose to take, may I very sincerely wish you 'health and happiness' through this difficult period for you.


    Jayne
    A TV's TV
  • May 13, 2003 5:38 PM BST
    Chris,

    Listen to your Auntie Stevie. She has given you some very good advice. You are so lucky to be young enough to shape your life as you want it.

    May I wish you the best of luck for the future.

    Lisa
  • May 15, 2003 2:54 AM BST
    Thank you all for your advice. Do you think I should wait on my own to see if what I'm going though is actaully a phase, or should I tell my parents what I'm going through and maybe get professional help? (My parents are very tolerant, but would probably be very awkward about it)
  • May 13, 2003 3:51 AM BST
    If you were 100% sure of what you wanted, then the sooner you start taking control of your life, the better.

    However, that's a VERY big "if." I'm not saying it isn't possible to know what you want at your age, but the odds are against it. I've noticed several of the others here have told you to go slowly and seek some professional guidance before you do anything drastic, such as starting hormone therapy or coming out of the closet. For most trannies your age, I think that's very good advice.

    If I knew then what I know now, I would've tried to find a way to start taking female hormones before puberty set in and started pumping testosterone all over the place. Also, I would've spent my college years and early employment years as a woman, which would have made things easier on me in my thirties, because now I've got a lot of social considerations to deal with if I ever want to make the transition to full-time. I envy those who were able to start their transitions early in life.

    It's very rare to be that young and so sure of both yourself and your environment that you could decide to transition early without any reservations. If you think you are one of the few who can make this decision now, the first thing to do is tell your parents, unless you've got your own money. Your parents will need to be involved in getting you a good therapist who can help you be sure of your decision and help you move forward. Not only do most trannies your age need financial support, but your family might be able to offer you the emotional support you'll need while going through the transition. Being a teenager is difficult enough without be a transsexual. Sometimes we just have to admit to ourselves that we need others to help us.

    I was unable to tell my mother about myself until this year. I didn't think I could afford to do that until I was independent, but even after that, I continued to stay in the closet out of habit. The pressure kept building, though, and I couldn't continue to keep everyone from ever getting too close to me, and I figured family was the best place to start. When I was in my teens, I was in no position to make a transition. I was comfortable with myself, but there were just too many things about the world I didn't know, and I wasn't in any position to act on my desires, even if I had been sure about what to do. It's a shame that youth is wasted on the young, because that's the perfect time to transition, but it's the worst time to be certain of your decision.

    Proceed with caution.
  • May 16, 2003 1:06 AM BST
    Having told my Mom and my doctor recently, I'll say this:

    If you know someone isn't tolerant, don't risk it. However, if you think someone is tolerant enough, go ahead and come out. Awkwardness is a tough thing to deal with at the time, but once it's done, and the other person has accepted you, it's more than worth the temporary strangeness you feel when you initially tell someone.