I started writing this as part of a reply to another post, but realised that by doing so I might be hijacking that thread, so here I am.

Firstly can I just say how flippin' HARD it is to type with fingernails!!! feels just plain wierd as someone that bit 'em for 40 years....

I split from my first wife with her not knowing about Nicky or any part of her. It was her decision that we split. I wasn't happy in the marriage, but would not have had the courage to suggest parting, and she earned a fortune - which made life with her 'comfortable'.

After living alone for a while I met somebody special, and decided to be honest from the start. So I told her - as much as I dared. As much as I thought she could handle ( or as much as I thought I could get away with?). I didn't tell her about Nicky. She was underwhelmed, but I knew that she loved me and she accepted it. I wore something to bed a couple of nights later, shaking ( I kid you not, the bed was moving) with fear....and it was ok.

This small amount of acceptance was liberating, it felt great! My only previous experiences of being discovered had been very negative. I decided to tell my ex. I thought I owed it to her to explain what had, in part, ruined her marriage. She was more than accepting - she was enthusiastic! She loved the idea and wanted me to dress there and then.

I was stunned. There had been no hints of this, I'd had no idea!! I was just soooo peed off. I should have tried earlier, and I don't know why I didn't. Our background was perfect, we met when we were both members of an amateur theatre. Most of our mutual friends were gay, many of whom had come out after we'd met them, to a "yes? so what, enjoy" response from both of us. I met a lot of interesting poeple there, but nobody (I thought) like me.

I knew that I could have her back if I wanted. She wanted me to dress there and then and have sex with her, for goodness sake.

Decisions, decisions.

a) Go back with ex...Nicky is born. Move back to London. Friends accept Nikky (most if not all of them) Lindsay(ex) and Nicky have fun.

b) Stay with new love, in Nottingham. Marry her and take on responsibility for her two children. Struggle financially, with Nicky firmly in a closet for 10 yrs, until children have left home, then try to slowly get wife to accept Nicky (having spent 10 flippin' yrs slooowly trying to push the boundaries)
Get met by almost brick wall.

Hi Nikky, I`m not going to give any advice as this can be a dangerous thing too do,but instead I will ask you 2 things to consider. 1. Now that Nikky is out would you be able to put her back in the closet 4 another 10yrs without damaging yourself mentally? and secondly was your marriage break up and unhappiness due to keeping Nikky a secret? If you can honestly answer these questions then you will probably make the right decision.. hope this helps hugs and kisses Michellexxxxxx

My initial post was possibly somewhat more confusing than I intended.

Choices a and b were presented to me 10 years ago. I chose b.

I don't regret that choice and it wasn't a difficult one for me to make at the time. I love my wife with all my heart. We have had our share of ups and downs - I hope she'd agree more ups...She is a wonderful person and I am incredibly lucky that she sees enough in me to put up with me.
I have been fortunate enough to have been involved in the formative years of two of the nicest children you could wish to meet. I couldn't love them more if they were of my flesh, and I know that they love me.
Life hasn't been exactly easy, but I tend to be a 'glass half full' person most of the time - grateful for what I have.
It's just that Nicky is such an important part of me, desperate for recognition, and I was wondering how different things might have been for her.

NOW;

My wife and I have had one or two more heart to hearts over the last week or so. She was aware that I'd been experimenting with makeup etc, although I've not dressed while she's been home since our last discussion.
She has now made an effort to look into crossdressing - she isn't too internet savvy unfortunately so it's slow going, with much 'helpful' advice from me on possible 'keywords' to enter on google, lol.

We went out together today, for a girlie shopping trip! We bought some clothes, her giving me advice and vice versa, and some jewellery and makeup. When we got home, she did my makeup and nails for me and we went online together and ordered a wig (she thought my original choice too 'tarty' and on reflecton I agreed) and some shoes (she likes them so much, she wants a pair in HER size) and she seems to be showing genuine care.

Thanks girls, for your kind responses to my original post. I'm sorry it was somewhat misleading, my fault.

Wish us both (that's me and wife) luck,

Hugs
Nicky
XXXX

Noone here can tell you what you should do Nicola, only you can make that decision but I would say be careful and tread carefully. Your marriage ended for whatever reason, maybe you can make it work again, maybe not. Your new love may end up being far more accepting than you think right now, so don't burn your bridges yet.

I would say this though, whatever you choose to do, be absolutely honest with your partner, (whichever it is), since it is grossly unfair and potentially damaging to any relationship if you don't put your cards on the table from day one. I know that's easier said than done but at least you would both know where you stand.

Good luck with this Nicky, I hope everything works out for you.

Nikki

Well, good luck then. It sounds as if you have a solid relationship here and that you are both prepared to make compromises in order to make it work. That's wonderful. It's much easier to quit than it is to keep going. Oh, and if she needs to find out a little more, she can always talk to us!

Just one other point to consider, it's important to go at your wife's pace, however frustrating that can be, but by doing so, you are more likely to have a positive future in the long run.

Best wishes to you both.

Nikki