Hi girls

Has anyone got any advice on telling teenagers about their dad's female side?

As a family we are generally open and talk quite frankly about things, and it seems clear to me that we should and will discuss this soon. After all, by the time my OH was a teenager (s)he'd already been dealing with TG issues for several years ... just supposing our kids had similar feelings, and were having to cope on their own ... how unfair would that be?

Thing is, although we are both quite prepared to tell them, neither of us can actually think of a good way to do it. Anyone been there, and have any insights to share? Or found any helpful literature that discusses trans-gender issues for teenagers? I've found plenty of stuff on homosexuality but almost nothing that deals with TG stuff.

Cheers. Lizzie

Hi Lizzie!

How about for starters asking the kids if they have ever heard the terms transgendered/transvestite/crossdresser or transexual.

See what they know then either explain to them what it really means or expand on their knowlege.

Take it from there.

They need to know that its ok and nothing to be feared or ridiculed before hearing the news.

It may take time.Depends on the kids.

Thats all I have in the way of advice I'm afraid. Soz. Prolly not much help.

I am sure someone else will be able to answer in a better way

Just don't be surprised when you find out that your kids know all the negatively charged,derogatory slang concerning TGs,that they've known it for years and,yes,they picked it up on the playground at junior school!

good luck,
Lynn H.

Hi Lizzie, This is a subject i do have some experience of as I only told my 2 teenage sons a few months ago that I was TS.My wife has known most of our married life,If you want to read my blogg my life story is on there,it may be of some help, and u are most welcome to read it.Anyway back to your original question,I was terrified about telling my children but i knew i cound`nt keep it a secret any longer.What i did was over a period of a few months ,was gradually act and dress more feminine in front of them.It was a sutle process untill one day when i was ironing my 16 yr old son said too me "dad sometimes u look act and sit like a girl".So that`s when I sat him down and told him.To my utter amazement he accepted me without questoin.My eldest son lives away so when he came over one weekend I told him I had something important to discuss with him.When I told him he was ok about it and accepted me after a long discussion ,which involved me listening to his feelings as well. He did say that if he had arrived and I had been dresses as a woman to have our discussion he probably would have freaked out and gone home.He did say to my wife a few days later that he was concerned that all the things we had done together while he was growing up had been a lie and I had`nt really wanted to do them.So I had to have another discussion with him to reassure him that I really loved him and wanted him as child ,and all the quality time we spent together was genuine.OOPPS!! I`m sorry Lizzie I do tend to rabbit on a bit lol.So anyway to sum up Lizzie what I`m trying to say is,Sutlety, Patience,Gradual and open approach to the subject is what worked for us.I hope this is of some help to u.Hugs and Kisses Michellexxxxx

Thanks for all your replies. I'm still dithering a bit, but it isn't a question of weighting up the pros and cons ... I can think of lots of reasons to tell the kids, and none not to (none that hold water at any rate). I feel very strongly that if we don't tell them then we are promoting a message that being transgendered is some kind of guilty secret. How can we expect to raise a generation of open-minded and tolerant young people if we don't give them the chance to know and understand their own families?

Anyway, that's my 'soap-box' moment over with! I do hope that we've also raised them to be accepting of others and I really don't think they'll have a problem, once they're used to the idea. We're kind of edging forward in an increasingly 'girly' way, bit by bit, at the moment.

Please, though - if anyone can recommend any films they think we could comfortably watch with intelligent and critical teenagers that might help open up the topic, I'd really welcome the ideas. Same goes for any books with a transgender theme.

I love reading what you all have to say. It's so reassuring knowing that others have travelled this path already. Thanks.

Love, Lizzie.

Thanks very much, Wendy. I've ordered it from Amazon and look forward to seeing it.

Cheers. Lizzie

My children didn't bat an eyelid when I told them. I hope that has something to do with the way I raised them.

Nikki

http://www.hbo.com/docs/p[...]esexes/

MIDDLE SEXES: REDEFINING HE AND SHE is a documentary covering a broad range of transgendered/transsexual behaviors in different age groups and cultures. It shows that this is widespread and neuro-biological, not a choice. It has a nice, accepting attitude but covers the emotional and other problems we and our families face. I have never seen a better introductory film for educating someone about us. The fact that it is an HBO documentary gives it respectability.