It's finally time. After reviewing project schedules at work, I have decided that the best time to make the change there is between now and early December. I have already talked to the other transsexual who works there, and she had some bad experiences but made it through the process, and she has been there for many years since. This week, I plan on talking to someone in Human Resources who is known to be sympathetic. Unfortunately, she is leaving after this week, but maybe she can give me some advice.

Wish me luck.

Heather H.

I talked to one person in Human Resources today, and she is very supportive. Unfortunately, she is also about to leave the company. She will do what she can while she is still there and refer me to someone else. Hopefully it will work out.

Heather H.

Hi Heather

When I came out at work - it was a very public coming out - I'm self employed - so I had to also sell myself to new clients. Most of the problems I now realise were in my head - The more positive I am about who I am and what I have decided to do the better it is. I admire you to going for it girl - but please do just that - Go for it. There is no shame in what you are doing - it is other peope who have a problem and some of them may try to make you feel bad simply to avoid themselves feeling uncomfortable. Thats not your problem - It's theirs.

Be proud of who you are - and don't get too sensitive about the jibes which are bound to happen - its a bit of a shock - just recal what happens to a woman when she comes to work with a radically different hair style - lots of jibes from the guys - its just the way they are - I usually joke back and show people I have a sense of humour - that or blow them a kiss - that usually shuts them up

Thanks for your advice, Rikki. I am very confident in myself (as Heather) and I am also thick-skinned. Good-natured joking does not bother me at all; I can see the humor in my own situation and I will take every opportunity to capitalize on it myself. More vicious attacks may bother me, but over a lifetime of being picked on (especially during childhood) I have learned how to deal with it.

Here is an update. On Tuesday morning, I met with a person from HR and the company photographer off-site and we videotaped me (as Heather) giving a presentation. Presentation skills are greatly valued where I work, so although I do not give many presentations, I decided to make a pre-emptive strike here and have some material available in case someone questions my ability to give presentations to customers after I transition at work. This also marked a first - HR allowed me to charge this time to work, so this was the first time I did work for pay as Heather.

Tomorrow, I will speak with the on-site counselor at work, and I will likely talk to the HR director afterwards and figure out the next step.

To be continued...

Heather H.

Hi Heather and others

Yesterday I talked with my boss abiut my name change here at the office and he promised me all support from the company´s side. I only need to tell the date from which on I appear to job as Laura. He said the company could spread out the info, but I said I rather do it myself.
I´m happy...as you may guess

hugs

Laura

So far I have talked with a few close collegues. They have taken the thing as a fact with sparse comments. That might be the finnish way to act. We are like that. To one canadian co-worker I said that I wish I won´t shock him. He said a good shock every now and then is only positive .
Yesterday I prepared a small virtual handout about my coming name change with three genetic women. They gave me good hints what to say and what not to mention. And we had a good laugh together.

Laura

The only co-workers I have told so far are friends I see outside of work, and they have been fine. I will let everyone know how it goes once the announcement is made.

The other person at work who transitioned long ago experienced a lot of problems with co-workers. Rather than overt harassment (although there was some of that), she was the victim of backstabbing and false accusations. Luckily, she successfully defended herself. I may not have as many problems - the group she is in is known for this type of behavior, even under normal circumstances. The general rule in that group is that if people decide they don't like somebody, they will fabricate accusations (or watch the person closely in search of legitimate problems) and try to get the person fired. It has been successful on a few occasions. In my group, however, this sort of behavior is extremely rare and people deal with personal problems in a more civilized fashion. This does not guarantee that I will not face the same difficulties, but it is less likely in my case.

Heather H.

I do admire you for taking this sudden change approach, I can see how it is quite difficult for other people. One day they are dealing with a man - the next day they have to try to shift gear and treat you as a woman and that is quite difficult. I have noticed that people I had not seen for a while and who had not heard, did had a little challenge wth me.

When I attended the Speakers Convention in New Orleans lots of people had no idea - and the change is so significant, they were not even recognising me so I had to deal with that first. However I benefitted from the fact that they had not seen me for two years and I was a bit of a novelty - I don't think there has ever been an openly TS speaker at the convention before, but getting people to use female pronouns was a challenge.

At home I soft of changed before people eyes for a year - my hair got longer then I colored it, then my eyebrows were shaped, had my ears pierced, began wearing more androgynous clothing and then one day I crossed the line - It was all expected and seemed easier for them to handle - though of course the real problem with all this is that few people who have a challenge with this actualy give you feedback - they talk about you behind you back.

Any way good luck girls - Once the shift is made I know the joy of being yourselves at last will override all the little petty mindedness that is inevitable and eventually they will all respect your for running the gauntlet.

I keep on with my coming outs at work. I guess pretty soon the news will spread out spontaneously. So far the people have kept their mouths shut as I wished. A few nice comments: Co-worker Katariina: "Welcome", co-worker Christian: " You must be a brave MAN to do that"...and then his famous laugh....

Laura

Everything is still going well. We are presently in the process of informing management. So far, we have told one upper manager and he is supportive. After all of the managers I deal with have been informed, the process will move very quickly - it may be done in less than two weeks if we can find everyone who needs to know first.

I am glad to hear it is going well for you, Laura.

Heather H.

Last saturday I suddenly stood in my miniskirt in a grocery cash line with the secretary of our office. Luckily I had come out to her two days earlier. She only said: "Hi....you look real good". I asked her if I should come like this to our company´s christmas party. She laughed and said she was just about to suggest the same.

Laura

My manager and others in the management chain now know about it. All are supportive. We all now want to get this over with, so we are going to attempt to set up the "big meetings" tomorrow. If everything can be arranged, tomorrow will be a very interesting day at work. Then, the plan is for me to start appearing as Heather on Monday. If it can't be arranged tomorrow, I may need to wait another week, but it will certainly be no longer than that.

With all the support I have from management and HR, I am no longer nervous. I am just happy to be getting this over with so that I can go on with my life. I can't wait to see what happens tomorrow (or whenever the meetings can be arranged).

Heather H.

I dropped the bombshell today. We set up a quick succession of meetings and informed managers and co-workers. Many people were certainly shocked, but I received many expressions of support. So far, everything is going extremely well.

Tomorrow, I will spend one last day as a male. On Monday, I will go to work as a woman and I will never appear as a male again. I am happy to have this over with so that I can go on with my life.

Heather H.

I made it through my first day at work as a woman. It was a bit of an anti-climax - basically a normal day at work. I did get a few weird looks and a few visits from people, but I also did my usual work. However, the day went by without the usual sense of dread and depression that I ordinarily feel on Monday mornings. I even got out of bed on time for once!

Two new articles on my website describe this in detail:

http://gendersociety.com/membersites/personal/heatherh/work.html

http://gendersociety.com/membersites/personal/heatherh/fulltime.html

It has gone very well, and I am confident that I will do well at work and elsewhere in the future.

Heather H.

Lots of luck Heather - I hope everything turns out as you hope.

Keep us posted!

Cool.

We're pulling for you!

It seems that many employers are dealing well with your transitions, but what about coworkers? Any major problems?

Hi Heather and Laura,

I am full of admiration for you both and hope that things work out well. Please do keep us up to date here. I'm sure a lot of us will be most interested to hear about your experiences. They may be of great help when it's our turn!

Hugs,

Katie

I can't even imagine how you must feel!