Hi everyone--

Another perspective comes from my experience last week coming out to my parents as ts.  Giving a good book with real solid information can help them understand.  I wrote a 4-page letter telling them of my lifelong struggle.

My mother is not ready to look at a photograph.  She thinks I would be pretty, she said, but she's just not ready.  A photo could work with coworkers, even friends, but it might be too much for family.

As for whether to or not, I have absolutely no regrets.  Be warned, though, once you start you want to continue.  Being free of the hiding is so liberating!  Also, as my therapist warns, news spreads fast and you might find your outing is moving ahead of you!

Best wishes!

Elissa

Difficult one Jessica-Marie - I have had a look at your web site and there are some aspects of where you are that make coming out to your family a challenge.  The first is that you are not sure of where you are yet.  You have not yet answered the question that everyone in your family is likely to ask - Do you want to be a woman?

It seems that you might well be transsexual - and if that is the case - coming out to your family is a much bigger issue than if you were Transgendered.  I consider myself transgendered - I live msot of my time in an androgynous mode - not distinctly male or female - I have to work at looking both male or female now - But I am not sexually attracted to men - well not many men anyway.

I think you need to get some trangender councelling - so that you can answer the inevitable questions about where you are going - because they are going to be important issues to your family - and the councellor will be able to advice you on how to deal with coming out.  If you are transsexual you may at some stage need to transition - and live as a woman. councelling will help you to deal with that.

If you are transgendered and as you say, beautiful - then that suggests that you are going to live partly male and partly female - probably increasingly androgynous which is what I have done.

I found a painless way to come out to family and friends. I went for a professional makeover and had a picture taken - The pic was so good that most people when they see it ask - "Who is She?" - or "is that you new girlfriend?" - So when I tell them its me - they are qite taken aback - then very complimentary.

I have never had a problem coming out this way - I show the pic - wait for the reaction and then explain - I explain that I have a male body female mind. You've heard of the book - "men are from mars, women are from venus - meet a man from venus." - I also explain the theory that during feotal develpment I missed out on a wash of testosterone so my gender, my inner sense of self, developed along the default path - female - It means that I feel and think more like a woman than a man - It can't be fixed, I have been this way since I can remember - about 7 - and I am no longer prepared to live in secret.

Everyone has been fine about this - all have accepted me as I am - I don't push it in thier face - I try to be a natural as possible - I dress approproately for my age and size - unless I am clubbing when I do tend to get a bit tarty - but I have a few years of catching up to do.  The key is that in day wear I don't attract ridicule by trying to dress as a petite feminine girl, that I can never really be.  Lots of the time I wear pants - most women do here in the UK.

Hope this helps - But please I do think you need to get some councelling first - you need to be more comfortable with yourself and able to answer the questions you know your family will ask - otherwise - you will have a problem with them - and the thing about wedding gowns and cheerleader uniforms - I'd keep that to yourself for now - That may come across as a fetish thing - and that will lose you the support you need for your Gender Dysphoria.  

Hi, I want to tell my family that I am transgendered. I do not know how to do that, how did some of the people that you love find out about this?  I know that my family will not leave me, but I have to find someway, examples to shown that it is OK to transgendered. I am ready for my family to know about Jessica Marie. I feel happy with my life now, but there is still that void. Thank you and I love the Trannyweb.

Hi Connie

Welcome.

I'm sorry to hear that your family weren't very receptive to you but I'm sure you are right about the honesty. At least it leaves you to live your life as you wish without having to hide it from them.

Happy new year and happy new life to you.

Best wishes

Sarah

Hi! It was September 10th, 2001, a day that will live in infamy....  in my family.  Yes, believe it or not, I came out to my parents, f2f, on 9/10/2001. Nothing like timing...
Anywho, I explained that I had been in therapy for a few months, and why, and what being in the closet had been doing to me for the last couple of decades, and thus why I felt it necessary to live as a woman, full-time, in the near future.  They were stunned and shocked, understandably so, I guess. Since then, its been kind of a bummer with them.  My therapist suggested a group session with them; which was a nightmare. My sister has stopped speaking to me. And now I need to tell them I am on hormones, for 4 months now, and that I am living and working (2 jobs!) as Connie.  I don't have to tell them, but I probably should. I think I'm just going to send them a letter about that!  Thankfully, they live a couple states away, so mumsie isn't constantly in my face with her ravings and bigotry.  So, what can I say?  It might be a real bummer, imagine the best and prepare yourself for the worst, honey; I'm still glad I did it.  My life is finally worth living, finally!!! Happy New Year to all!
Connie

Hi,

I only recently came out to my twin sister. Over the years I tormented myself with the prospect of telling her first but never managed until now.
At times I had got her to apply some eyeshadow but never went any further. Both sisters unfortunately weren't really into makeup which I of course couldn't wait to experiment with

My sister was taking a new job in Germany and while she was still at home I asked her for a makeover. At the time she was still half asleep so I left fairly embarassed and when she asked me later about it I denied everything - made her believe she dreamt it  :'(

A year later I travelled to Australia on a working holiday visa and initially went to Dominatrixes where they offered Transformation sessions which were reasonably good and got a lot of photos (most didn't have the type of clothing I liked though).  Near the end of my year I crossed the line I'd set myself - I bought some clothes  ;D  and loved it, tried on wedding dresses and other ball dresses (my favourite)and had a brilliant time.  Moving on to LA was just amazing. I bought a wig, makeup and clothes.

Back home I realised I couldn't deny that crossdressing is part of who I am, but I wanted to reveal my secret. I didn't want anything to happen to me and suddenly my family find clothes and makeup in my room with no explaination.

I decided I had to tell one or both of my sisters. On a weekend away with both with all my gear failed so when I went to Germany I brought my stuff again.
I tried to let my sister notice the wigs (unfortunately shes very very unobservant), I then placed her nail varnish on the chocolate pack we'd just eaten from.  At first she thought I'd brought it as it belongs to her and my other sister.
She then suggested she varnish my nails which I agreed to. As she varnished my nails I just came out with it. She was surprised and I shook like a leaf. I had so much to tell her. I showed her the photos and then dressed for her. It took her some time to get used to it, over the few days I dressed most evenings I tried to explain about CDs/TGs and TVs.

Things have been brilliant since (she had to borrow my nail varnish remover before Christmas    )
She also gave me some makeup for christmas  ;D

Sorry if this has been so long but hopefully this will help me and others come out!

Hi. I thought a lot about this issue and I am not ready to tell my family. I have come to realize that it will take some time for me. I have been trying to find info that will help and I have. It gives me great hope to read about families/parents that are very supportive of their loved one who tells them that they are TG or TS. Someday I hope the I will be able to tell them, but I am not ready now. Thank you for giving me the forum to write what I want to write. You are all very nice and caring and honest. I still have have a lot to learn about transsexuals and about who I truely am and this is very helpful. I am very content with myself now.  

I can reinforce that - Be sure you are ready to be OUT when you start - A friend of mine came out at work just over a week ago - a few days later a disgruntled employee spoke to a local stringer for the Daily Star who, short of news featured the story in last Saturdays paper - The problems this has caused for her are considerable - Now she has had to tell all the family and her wife although previously supportive is under a lot of pressure - Remember that coming out - also means that you family are outed at the same time and they have not had years of inner torment coming to terms with this -

That said - being who you are is so important - Dr Vernon Coleman (also a Cross dresser) believes that coming out helps men to live longer and more stress free - so there are good health reasons for coming out -